Moments In Between
by Askeebe
Summary: Some are quiet, some are dangerous, some touch our hearts. These are the moments between what we've seen in ME2, the stories untold, the reasons why strangers became friends and lovers. Mainly featuring the slow build up and romantic interest between FemShep and Thane. Mostly canon for ME2, but building to an AU after that.
1. Nothing Is Ever Easy

Nassana Dantius' body lay cooling on her desk in her not-so-secure private office as Shepard headed down through the empty office tower with her squad and her newest recruit, assassin Thane Krios, in tow. Garrus was still pointedly staring at the drell and his hand hovered close to his Phalanx pistol as if to emphasize his distrust of their newest specialist. Jack seemed more interested in checking out the drell's elaborate leather coat, or maybe she was checking out the man inhabiting the coat. Even though he was alien, as soon as the adrenaline wore off, Shepard had taken note of what Thane really looked like and was startled to realize that she considered him attractive, even if he was an alien. Maybe it was because of the way he moved, she mused. As they went down the elevator, she looked at Thane in the reflection of the polished elevator doors. Well-built, lean, sharp features on his face, those disconcertingly large, black eyes with a hint of green in them. From his movements, she could tell he weighed much more than a similarly built human and also remembered that drell had denser muscle tissue. For all that, he was unbelievably light and quick on his feet. She thought back to the way he dropped from the air shaft and dispatched Nassana's three guards and the woman herself in seven seconds flat. Coming back to herself, she realized she was still staring at Thane in the reflection, and he was looking back.

"Come on, kids. Let's head back to the Normandy and get our newest recruit settled in. Thane, do you want to stop and pick up anything first."

He nodded. "Since this will be a long term mission, I will need to gather my weapons and a few personal effects. If you give me the docking bay number, I can meet you there."

"Pfft. Nonsense. It'll go faster if we help transport your things."

"Forget it, Shepard. I'm no pack mule," Jack interjected. Garrus said nothing, but kept staring intently at the drell.

She could see Thane's hesitation and was about to cajole him further when he nodded. "Very well. I doubt I will need to return to this location again. Your help would be most welcome."

"What's the matter," Garrus drawled. "Don't want to show off your bolt hole?"

Thane was unruffled by the turian's provocative tone. "An assassin who is not very careful about covering his tracks is one with a very short lifespan. Old habits die hard. But come. It's on the far side of the city."

"Uh uh. I got better things to do than haul luggage across Nos Astra. I'm outta here, Shepard." Jack tossed her a desultory salute and headed down the street. "Catch you back on the Normandy later. Think I'll go explore the local nightlife for a while."

Shepard shrugged. "We lift at 0500 local time tomorrow, Jack. Be on board." Jack was already walking away and waved a hand halfheartedly. "Well, gentlemen, shall we?"

Thane led them through Nos Astra via automated taxi and subway before resorting to foot travel. By then, they were in the obvious slums of the city. Thane's path twisted around multiple times, even going through abandoned buildings, until Shepard was lost and would have had to rely on her omni-tool to get back to the spaceport. Just as she realized they had come in an elaborate circle around a rundown tenement, Thane stopped. He spent several seconds looking up and down the surrounding streets. "It's unusually quiet for this time of day," he noted.

"Good time to be sleeping off last night's bender for most of the inhabitants here," Garrus noted.

Thane made a noncommittal noise that might have been agreement as he looked around again. Shepard looked around as well, but didn't see anything out the ordinary. Still, if those two were wary, she would be as well. She waited patiently while Thane finished his surveillance, but was caught off guard when he suddenly walked across the street. Her lips thinned in a frown as she realized he wasn't used to working with a team. She'd have to bring him up to speed quickly if he was going to be an effective member of her squad. For now, she ceded him the point position as she fell back with Garrus and watched their surroundings.

Thane led them through a decrepit lobby. It seemed that no matter what the world or what the species, slums always smelled like piss and alcohol. This one was no different. Mixed in with it, though, was another scent, one very familiar to all three of them: blood and the ozone scent of recent biotic use. Without a word, all three of them pulled their weapons.

"Talk to me, Thane. Do you know what's going on?"

"No, Shepard. Too many possibilities. Could be a gang fight. Could also be mercs who managed to finally track me down. Could be mercs after someone else here."

Shepard and Garrus grinned at each other. "Gangs and mercs...my two favorite excuses for a fight. Well, sounds like we'll get a chance to work as a team sooner than I expected," she told him. "Garrus always has my right. You stay on my left. Other than that, stay alive and wipe 'em out." With that, she activated her tech armor and shouldered past Thane into the lead, using her omni-tool to scan for life signs.

Garrus chuckled as he told Thane, "Watch out for her fireworks, too. She makes a great diversion. They're all so busy watching her, makes it easy to pick them off." He turned serious. "Just make sure you watch her flank. I'm not losing her to an untried crew member who only looks after himself. Clear?"

Thane measured the intense stare of the turian before nodding solemnly. "Quite. You need have no fears on account of me."

"Better not," Garrus muttered as he checked his rifle scope. "Now let's go clean up this charming little bit of scumland." He looked back up at Thane, or rather where the assassin had been and harrumphed. He had already melted out of sight into the dark recesses of the lobby. It took Garrus a couple of seconds to determine the most likely hiding places and he finally caught a glimpse of the drell's leather coat in the morning sun shining through the dirt encrusted front doors. Then he focused his attention back on Shepard as she approached the deserted circular lobby desk

In her typical brand of bravado, she yelled out, "Come on out. I know you're in there. If you're unarmed, come out slowly and you'll be fine. If you're armed, head out the back if you want to live past the next five minutes. She had her Shuriken SMG out and aimed at a door opposite her across the desk. Her tech armor formed a glimmering orange outline floating over her hard suit, which was still gleaming white even after their long firefight through Dantius towers just a few hours ago.

Seconds passed like minutes as they waited, with Shepard getting more tense as they rolled past. She couldn't leave a potential enemy behind them, and if was mercs, they knew they had the upper hand. They could wait until she was forced to open the door, then lay into her with a hailstorm of ammo. Unfortunately, she couldn't ethically blow the door open in case it was a bunch of terrified people hiding back there. With a final check of her armor, she nodded to Garrus, glanced over the lobby looking for Thane, and then sidled up to the door. The building was so old, it actually had a door knob and some sort of fiber composite door instead of an electronic lock and sliding door mechanism. "Here's hoping it's the non-lethal option," she muttered to herself as she reached out to turn the knob.

With a quick twist, she opened the door and shoved it back into the room. That was the signal for all hell to break loose. Shepard caught a glimpse of Eclipse armor before she dove to the side and scrambled for the dubious cover of the lobby desk. The mercs were laying down enough ammo to make the doorway and surrounding area an absolute kill zone, but at the same time, they were constrained to that one area. Shepard reached down and grabbed her last inferno grenade from her belt and tossed it in the room. She counted silently as she stuck her SMG over the counter and fired blindly at the door, more in the hope of keeping the mercs confined than in hitting anything. She distantly heard the whomp of Garrus' rifle.

"Three...four!" A tremendous explosion followed by a gout of flame bellowed out from the doorway. Shepard took advantage of the explosion to roll out from behind the desk and unload her SMG on full auto into the room. Due to the blaze, she couldn't make out any life signs either visually or through infrared, but given that they were armored, she doubted the grenade actually took out any of them. She was counting on the fire damaging their armor enough that the hail of bullets from her team would finish the job on most of them. She fired two entire clips into the room, disregarding the return fire and counting on the two layers of armor to protect her. It was only when the flames died down and her tech armor whined in warning that she darted to the side to seek shelter and let her armor recharge while she reloaded.

Garrus was behind some crates that had been piled haphazardly against the side wall firing at someone on the second floor balcony. A bullet zinged by Shepard's head and buried itself in the wall beside her showering her with plaster dust. She sighted along the bullet's return path just in time to see an Eclipse Vanguard's head rock to the side from an exquisitely placed headshot. Quick mental triangulation determined that it was Thane who'd put the merc down, and that let her backtrack the assassin's general position. He was on her left, covering her flank as she'd ordered. She dismissed any further worry for him and returned her attention to the mercs remaining in front of her. She finally got a visual and counted five more mercs returning fire. They were hiding behind some crates in the room, which seemed to be a decrepit restaurant.

"Dropped one!" Garrus crowed on their comm as another Vanguard flew backward from the force of his sniper rifle. Shepard was regretting that they hadn't fitted Thane with a comm. It was understandable; after all, they'd only recruited him an hour earlier, and she wasn't in the habit of carrying spare communicator sets with her on missions. It was a habit she vowed to change next time out. "Engineer, Shepard," Garrus warned her. He knew of her deep and abiding hatred for them and their turrets.

"Crap. Cover me," she ordered as she broke from cover and ran to face into the room. She winced automatically as the Eclipse mercs fired and her armor whined, but she didn't let it distract her from powering up a throw that sent both engineer and partially erected turret flying hard into the wobbly dining furniture. She followed it up with bursts from her SMG to make sure the engineer stayed down. Garrus was firing over her shoulder to keep the rest of the mercs behind cover and reduce their firing rate. Even so, her tech armor whining ratcheted up to overload. She fired her last clip just as her armor overloaded, then sprinted back to the lobby desk. It was so full of holes now that it barely qualified as any sort of cover, but it afforded just enough protection for her to recharge her armor and swap out thermal clips. This was the last clip she had on her, and she hadn't had a chance to pick up anymore from the downed Eclipse mercs. Well, good thing she wasn't limited to just guns for offense.

The old hotel was severely short on high powered electronics that she could overload and use against the enemy, but she still had plenty of biotic power. Adrenaline was coursing through her body, making her nerves sing with the thrill of battle. Shepard tapped into that energy and threw a crate across the room at an asari Vanguard taking cover behind another crate, sending the merc crashing into the wall with a dull thud. She immediately followed it up with a warp to strip the asari of her biotic barriers. As soon as the barrier was weakened, Garrus fired a concussive shot to collapse it. Shepard readied another throw to try and crush the asari, but before she could channel the energy, the asari's head snapped backward with a perfect hole between her eyes. Shepard couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. Thane was as good as she'd hoped. Even without a comm, he was following her tactics and assisting them in the firefight.

Round after round was impacting her armor, coming from two remaining Eclipse troopers trapped in the dining room with her. Still grinning, she stayed in the open as she scooped up a thermal clip from a downed merc and brought her SMG to bear on them. She charged them and slid over the crates they were using as cover just as her tech armor reached overload again. This time, she had targets. The armor flared and pulsed as it discharged, staggering the troopers and knocking one of them onto his back. She fired her last burst at the downed trooper then dropped her weapon to extend blades from each omni tool, using the left one to block his weapon and knock it sideways as she punched through his armor and into his torso. He stiffened, and Shepard drew back to stab him again. As he went down, she turned to take care of the last trooper lying on the floor, but she started in surprise as she saw Thane standing beside her and firing the finishing shot. _Damn, he moves fast_, she thought as she started scavenging thermal clips and credits from the Eclipse mercenaries.

"Any more out there?" she asked.

"Negative, Shepard. Lobby is clear," Garrus announced over the comm at the same time as Thane shook his head. "There was a group on the balcony," he stated blandly, leaving the obvious unsaid.

Shepard stood up and finished shoving spare thermal clips into her belt. "Alright then, let's finish up what we came here to do. Lead on, Thane."

Without a word, the green assassin turned and led them up the stairs. Still on high alert from the firefight, they ascended six flights in the dimly lit concrete and steel stairwell that was littered with trash and other things that shouldn't be scrutinized too closely. The hallway they stepped into was covered in an ancient, filthy carpet, and only half the overhead lights were working. Thane led them to a door at the end of the hallway, to a corner apartment. Unsurprisingly, when she thought about it, the lights at this end of the halfway were out. Thane studied the door for a moment, looking for some sort of sign that it was still safe to go in, Shepard presumed. It looked very insecure, a simple wooden door with an ancient lock and key system. No need to hack the door; one good kick would knock it in. Shepard was surprised when Thane simply turned the knob, not even bothering with a key. "No lock?"

Thane stepped back, letting her see a second door set a couple feet inside the apartment hallway. This one was exactly what she would have expected from him. A sophisticated, and very sturdy, metal door with a complex electronic lock complete with biometric scanners stood in their way. "Clever," Garrus commented.

Thane hummed something that might have been a pleased acknowledgement as he keyed in his access code. The second door opened, and he gestured for Shepard and Garrus to enter before him.

The contrast between the shabby hallway and the polished apartment were astonishing. Shepard unconsciously paused just inside the main living space as she looked around. The mid-morning sun flooded the room with a honey golden light that made the polished wood floors gleam warmly. There was a mini kitchen to the side, not much upgraded from what came with the place, but sparkling clean and with a single porcelain mug sitting on the counter. There was no couch or chairs as such, but there were numerous low cushions and pillows scattered on some sort of woven reed mats. There was a low table made of reddish wood underneath the windows, and on it rested a foot high pyramidal structure that was intricately carved into whorls and curves that reminded her of waves surging and crashing. At the bottom, a pearly upturned crescent was inlaid into the wood with a large pearl cradled in its curve. Looking around, Shepard could see a small bedroom through an open door. At the back of the apartment a set of dimly glowing and translucent shelves held Thane's weapons. The way they were displayed turned them into works of art as much as tools of death. The effect of the place was spartan, yet still warm and comforting. There was no clutter, nothing out of place, yet everywhere she looked, there was a focal point: the pyramid artwork in the living space, some abstract paintings along the kitchen wall, the guns and knives in the back. Slowly she became aware of a faint and unusual spicy scent that permeated the room and wondered if it was from the food he ate or something uniquely drell.

Garrus had gravitated toward the guns and was appraising them professionally. He didn't say anything, but Shepard could tell he was impressed. One would expect the galaxy's best assassin to have only the best weapons, she thought. Turning further, she saw Thane still standing at the apartment entrance, watching them as they examined his living space. It suddenly struck her that they were probably the first people he had ever allowed into his private sanctum. She looked around the apartment again. Thane would have no reason to impress anyone. Everything in here was solely for his benefit. She realized she was looking at his inner soul, exposed. She looked back at Thane to see if she could read anything in his expression, but his face was calm and composed, giving no hint as to if he was discomfited by the sudden presence of strangers in his home. Or if he was, she was unable to read it from his alien drell features.

Suddenly, she felt awkward, as if she were intruding into something best left private. Grasping for something to say, she gestured at the pyramid and asked, "What's this?"

Thane walked over and delicately traced his finger from the top point to the bottom corner. "It is a symbol of Arashu, one of the old gods of my people. She is the goddess of life and birth and protection.

"A strange patron for an assassin."

"We are all born, and we all need protection at some point. Now it is my turn to provide that protection for others in her name," he answered.

Shepard thought back to the salarian workers he had sealed into the utility closets for their own protection. "Do you always take such care to protect the innocents on your assignments?"

Thane looked out the window and clasped his hands behind his back. "I do. There is no skill in indiscriminate slaughter. There is less honor in such. I am a weapon, finely honed to perform one task. To cause pain and suffering where there is no cause would be...dishonorable."

Shepard turned her gaze out the window to the skyscrapers of Nos Astra and thought back on her career. She certainly couldn't say that she'd been as careful as Thane in her past. No, there was definitely innocent blood on her hands. Hundreds had died on the Citadel alone during Sovereign's attack, yet she was still hailed as a hero. There had been others in her past, when she'd been more concerned with getting the job done than the collateral damage. But Thane, who only killed those who deserved death and took care to protect the innocents was named assassin, had to work in darkness and secrecy, hunted by both law and criminals alike. It was a comparison that didn't make sense and made her vaguely uncomfortable. She frowned and forced the thought away. "How much do you need to take?" she asked, once again all business. It was time to wrap up and get back to the Normandy, the only place left in the galaxy where she felt safe and comfortable, even it carried a constant subtext of threat from Cerberus. Suppressing a sigh from the never-ending stress, she looked at her newest recruit.

"Not much. My weapons, clothing, a few personal items. If you will excuse me?" He bowed slightly and turned to walk into the bedroom.

Shepard wandered over to Garrus. "So, whatcha think?"

Garrus ducked his head in a turian equivalent of a shrug. "So far, he lives up to expectations. It'll be good to have someone with his skill set on board."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow. "Really? I don't envision us actually trying to assassinate any Collectors."

He chuckled. "Just because your preferred style of fighting is like a klixen in a dance club doesn't mean there aren't other more...sophisticated options."

Shepard mock growled at him and kicked at a taloned foot, which he predictably shifted out of the way.

He continued in a more serious tone. "You're making enemies, Shepard. Not all of them will be willing to face you in combat. Some are going to want to take the easy route and just snipe you from a catwalk. With Thane along, maybe he can see the dangers we don't. Besides, we're going to need all the help, and firepower, we can get."

"Well aren't you Mr. Sunshine and Roses." She slumped against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest as she glared out at the morning sun.

"Just telling it like I see it, Shepard."

"Sometimes this seems like an impossible task, Garrus. We haven't even struck a single blow against the Collectors since Horizon, and even then, I wouldn't say we had a decisive victory. We stopped them from taking a few of the colonists, but now I not only have to worry about saving the galaxy, but dealing with various pissant merc groups."

"Hey. You're the only person in the galaxy to have defeated a Reaper. Those things thought they were invincible, and you showed them and us that they weren't. They've got weaknesses, just like any living thing. And if there's anyone who can convince the galaxy to stand together against these things, it's you."

"I know, Garrus. I'll drag the Council along kicking and screaming if I have to, but I'm going to knock some sense into their heads. It's just that I really don't need these petty thugs on top of everything else."

"Hopefully, our new recruit will be able to tap into whatever shadow network assassins use to set up targets and let us know if you ever get a contract."

Shepard glanced toward Thane's bedroom. "I thought you didn't like him. Why the sudden reliance on his access to resources we don't even know exist?"

"I never said I didn't like him. I don't trust him. Not yet. It's not like assassins are a common career path in the Hierarchy. He did well downstairs, and he's got a nice set up here. I'm a little worried about his death wish, though."

Shepard shook her head. "It's not a death wish. He doesn't want to die. He's just accepted that it's coming soon. There's a difference, Garrus." She paused and bit her next words off, unsaid. _I know how he feels_, she thought. But she didn't want to shake Garrus' confidence in her. "Hey, instead of standing around like warts on a krogan, let's see if we can help him pack. We can get him settled and maybe take in some of the nightlife in Nos Astra before we head out again. Maybe we can even pry Liara out of her office for a few drinks tonight."

"You're on, Shepard."

* * *

Two hours later, Shepard stepped out of her shower drying her hair. It felt good to finally get the battle grime off after that all-night fight through Dantius towers, then the mercs at Thane's place. She wrapped her towel around herself then laid down on the bed. It had been a long night, and she could do with a nap before heading back into Nos Astra with Garrus later this evening. Jack was still MIA, but she wasn't worried. Jack would show up just before liftoff, as usual. She had Thane settled into Life Support. Later, after her nap, she'd show him around the Normandy and introduce him to the crew. Jacob's attitude toward the assassin bothered her, but she'd deal with it later. Everything in the entire galaxy could wait until later at this point.

She could feel sleep stealing up on her, and she gratefully gave herself over to it. She rarely allowed herself naps, because she had enough trouble sleeping at night, but today she'd give in. As sleep pulled her under, she found herself thinking again about the handsome drell residing on the crew deck. He was intriguing. What was that saying? A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Something like that. He seemed so different from the rest of her crew of crazies and misfits. She hoped he'd fit in. Her last coherent thought was that she would like to unwrap the mystery and find the out who he really was.

Sleep finally claimed her. For once, it was merciful and instead of nightmares of suffocating, she dreamt perfectly normal random dreams, but with occasional tantalizing glimpses of an enigmatic green drell always just a few steps ahead. Her lips curved up in a gentle smile at the thrill of her dream chase.

* * *

A/N: I wanted to explore the parts of the Mass Effect story that weren't in the game. Why do the characters act the way they do? What do they do on downtime between missions? What do they say and do that make them into friends and lovers? So it's only with the rare exception that I will take scenes directly from the game, partly because we've seen them over and over, and there are other authors who've narrated them quite well. I didn't see any point in rehashing those scenes further.

In addition, there will be scenes in here to set up for a continuation of the story past the suicide mission. I will say here and now that I disliked a good deal of Mass Effect 3 and despised the ending. The DLC they put out didn't fix anything for me. Plus, I can't forgive them for their treatment of Thane in ME3. So I sat down to figure out another plausible ending for the Mass Effect story, and to do that, I needed to insert some other scenes, other races taking action, other things happening away from the Normandy and her crew that will be relevant much later on.

A good deal is written already, and the story mostly plotted out, but this will be a long story, and I'm a mom with a full time professional job and a lot of other things going on. So it will be a slow story. Hopefully, if it's decent, it'll get some good reviews and that will spur me to write faster.

Thanks and enjoy.


	2. Tete a Tete

"May I come in?"

"Of course, Commander. What may I do for you?" Thane's voice was low and rough, but at the same time, pleasing to the ear. He rose from the table where he had been staring out at the drive core and walked to the entrance to the Life Support room. The commander stood just inside the entrance, holding a box with a picture of an Alliance cruiser on the side.

"Well, ah, actually, I was hoping to impose on you for a while." This wasn't the same commander who had bantered with Nassana Dantius after slaughtering her way through waves of mercs just to reach him, to make sure he stayed alive just so she could recruit him. For one, she was wearing a black and white jumpsuit with short sleeves instead of a brilliant white and red hardsuit with weapons bristling off of it. His eyes swept over her form and noted that she wasn't even carrying a pistol. He relaxed slightly in recognition of the security she felt on the Normandy. His weapons might be safely stowed in the display case, but he always had his knives on his person. He hadn't gone unarmed since he was a child, and certainly until he knew the Normandy and her crew better, he would stay alert for any potential problems.

She continued, "I wanted a chance to get to know my newest squad member a little better. The dossier I have on you is about a tenth of what I have on the others. So far, I know that you are called the greatest assassin in the galaxy, you go out of your way to protect innocent bystanders, and you pray for forgiveness after a job has been completed. Not what I expected of an assassin." She lingered in the doorway, giving him an appraising look.

He lifted the box out of her hands and carried it to the table. "I'm honored that you would seek my company. I admit that I have been wanting a chance to talk to you as well." He deflected her unasked questions in favor of trying to learn more about his new employers.

"Oh really? What about?" She followed him into Life Support and glanced around. It had only been a day, but the crew had cleaned up the room that had been half storage and now it was a neat and sparse living space. A small cot, a table with two chairs, some storage lockers, and a beautiful collection of weapons on display. These weren't just for show either. Even from a distance, she could see the marks of usage as well as the sheen that indicated a well-cared for piece of equipment.

"For one, I admit to a curiosity about the woman behind the legend. And to the reasons behind our mission."

Shepard had walked over to his weapon display and was looking at his sniper rifle. Now she turned around with a frown creasing her forehead. "We have to stop the Collectors. We have to find out why they're abducting human colonies, where they're hiding, and stop them. Somehow. I don't have all the pieces yet, but I will, and we will stop them if I have to personally kill each and every one of the bastards!" She drew a breath and turned back to the display.

Thane rumbled his appreciation of her spirit, although he doubted she could hear it. "No, Commander. I was talking about the ones funding your mission." He waved a hand to indicate the entirety of the Normandy. "This ship...it's not Alliance. But you are. The savior of the Citadel. The first human Spectre. Missing in action for two years. Rumors of your death, and yet you show up on Illium leading a crew comprised of the most highly skilled operatives in their field in the galaxy. I accepted your contract, Commander, and I will follow through. But I research all my contracts, and this one has many...contradictions."

That got a laugh from her. "I like that. Contradictions. Fits my life perfectly right now." She traced the outline of his Viper sniper rifle, her fingers ghosting along the outline of the trigger, but she didn't actually touch the weapon. Thane appreciated that. Few people realized how personal a weapon could be, but then again, given who she was, maybe he shouldn't be surprised.

She turned away from the display and pulled out the chair opposite where Thane had been sitting. "Nice rifle. The best. Not that I'm at all surprised, given your occupation." Her unconscious echo of his thoughts startled Thane. He wondered if she was better at reading body language than he had originally thought. "Tell you what," she offered. "You tell me a little about yourself, and I'll help you answer those contradictions of yours. I like to know my crew as much as you want to know about your contracts." The smile she gave him was brief but warm before she bent her head to open the box.

"As you wish," he rumbled. He sat down opposite her and picked up the lid to the box. It had a picture of an Alliance cruiser on it. The bottom of the box was in Shepard's hands. He could see numerous tiny gray parts resting on the bottom, forming a bed for a partially assembled model. "A hobby of yours?" he asked as he gestured toward the model.

"Not really." Another soft laugh. "At least, not til now. For some reason, Cerberus designed a display wall in my cabin and someone put a model of the Normandy in there. When I stopped by the Citadel, I saw a couple of models and figured I'd try my hand at putting them together. There's not much room for hobbies onboard ship, and this gives me something to do with my hands while I'm thinking. Found this one on Illium while I was looking for you, actually. Didn't need nearly as much gunfire to acquire this little guy as I did for you, though."

She pulled the model out and set it in the middle of the table, then started sorting through the pieces in the bottom of the box, looking for something in particular. "What about you? Any hobbies? What do you do between contracts?"

Thane reached out and picked up his cup. "I travel. I observe." He paused. "Much like you, I have no space in my life for material goods. I like to know what motivates people, why they act as they do. Why are some driven by greed to destroy lives? Why are others, like you, driven to save them? We, all of us, have free will. What twist of fate sets a person on one path instead of another?" He looked up from his cup to see Shepard staring at him with eyebrows raised. "You are surprised?"

"It's a lot deeper than I was expecting. I was thinking you might admit to a fondness for adventure novels or that you're a chess master." She went back to rummaging through the box. "Free will, eh? Okay, I'll bite. Free will's only part of the equation. Who you are, who you'll be are determined in large part by where you are. Even going beyond the obvious things like being born a krogan or asari, you're a product of your parents and your environment. A child's personality is largely set by the time they're five...er, at least for humans. And the child has zero say in how they're raised for those five years. Hell, most kids can't even remember their life before five. You can treat them like an angel, or you can beat them every day, and that's going to have a serious effect on their personality.. So I say that free will has some stiff competition."

"I would say that external events can influence a child well beyond the age of five, or the appropriate species equivalent," Thane said, surprising her with his agreement. "But still, there is that spark in each individual where they can stand up and say 'this is what I choose, no matter what I've been told before.' That is what interests me. Why would a thief forego stealing from a soldier? Why would a mother walk past a crying child on the street? Why would a business woman decide the best course of action is to kill her own employees?" He paused and looked directly at her with those deep, enigmatic eyes. "Why would a decorated soldier decide to work with a known terrorist organization?"

There was a long pause while Shepard considered her answer. Thane took a drink from his cup and waited patiently. "Because circumstances left me with no alternatives," she finally said.

"There are always choices."

"But only one optimal choice, by definition."

"What were the circumstances that left you no other choice than to collaborate with a human terrorist organization?" he asked softly.

This time there was an even longer pause while she fitted some engine pieces together. "The Council wouldn't listen to me. I told them about the Reaper threat, but even before I...Two years ago, they dismissed my warnings. According to Joker, it got even worse while I was ..." She still hadn't come to grips with her death and resurrection and couldn't get the words out. She finally settled on "...gone. They dismissed my warnings as ramblings of a Spectre that was over tired and misled by Saren. They claimed Sovereign was nothing more than a Geth ship. The Alliance turned me into a hero, a martyr, a damn recruiting poster!" She took a deep breath and focused on the toy engine in her hands. "If I went back there, they'd stick me a room and psychoanalyze me for the next year, then send me on a PR tour. No, as much as I hate what Cerberus does, they're the only ones with the resources and the guts to do anything. They may stand for human dominance, but they want to stop the Reaper threat more than anyone else in the galaxy right now, and that's a damn shame. No, it's a fucking outrage!" With an obviously controlled motion, she set the engine part back in the box.

Thane was intrigued by the unexpected glimpses into Shepard's personality that he was gleaning. He was positive that she was unaware of how much of her internal thoughts she was giving away. She was unable to admit that she had died. Was it because her death was a ruse, and she was unaccustomed to lying? Thane was very good at reading body language, and even though he wasn't as proficient with humans as the more established species in the galaxies, he was fairly convinced that she wasn't lying. Of course, he thought that coming back from the dead was even more improbable, so for now, he decide to withhold judgment about Shepard's true story until he knew more. Setting that aside, she was obviously passionate about her convictions on the Collectors and the Reapers. He could also hear the distress frequencies in her voice when she talked about the Alliance. He sipped his tea and kept listening.

She shook her head. "The Illusive Man's pouring billions of credits into this. Makes sense if you believe that our entire civilization is at risk, but why can't anyone else see it?"

"People are often unwilling to face uncomfortable truths."

"It's more than that. The Council is being...I don't know. They're refusing to see what's in front of them. They aren't even willing to consider the possibility that what I'm saying is true. How do you break through that?"

Thane smiled. "From what I've seen of you thus far, I have no doubt that you will eventually make them realize the gravity of the situation. Your will seems indomitable when you set your mind to something."

"Damn straight I will. Even if it means dragging that Collector ship back to the Citadel and shoving it in the Council's faces." She picked up her model ship again. "This is good. Helps me focus on staying calm when I'm so mad I could spit." Shepard looked up just in time to catch Thane's raised eyebrow. "Just an expression, I promise. No promises about hitting something though. But not tonight. I promised myself I'd get these engines finished tonight."

"May I?" Thane had never seen a ship model such as the one Shepard held. The idea of replicating something like a starship in such a tiny format was interesting to him, and his fingers itched to pick up the miniature replica and study it.

"Sure. See if you can find these pieces for me, would you?"

While Thane poked through the pile of pieces in the box, she asked, "How does one become an assassin, anyway? I mean, you're not a typical merc. Your dossier said best in the galaxy. That's a pretty bold claim."

"A mercenary is just a thug in custom painted armor," Thane said dismissively. "I am much more than just a mercenary. I am a master of my art. I have been trained for this since I was six years old."

"Wait, what?" Shepard set her model down and looked at the drell sitting calmly across from her. "You started killing people when you were six?"

He quirked a smile at her. "Of course not. I didn't make my first kill until I was twelve. The hanar took me in as part of the Compact when I was six, and that's when I started training."

Shepard still had a look of disbelief on her face. "Twelve? That's not much better. When I was twelve, I was learning astrogation and just starting to notice boys. I sure as hell wasn't thinking about killing people. Well, not seriously. What's this Compact?"

"How much do you know of drell history?" he asked.

She furrowed her brow. "Honestly, not much. You're the first drell I've ever met. I took a few politics and history classes in the academy, but we focused on the Council races and the Krogan rebellions."

He nodded. "Over eight hundred years ago, our species started to aggressively industrialize our planet, Rakhana, but it was a desert world, and short on resources. It wasn't long until we had exhausted the planet's capacity to support our population. Two centuries ago, the hanar made contact and decided to rescue as many of us as possible. They brought 375,000 drell to the hanar homeworld of Kahje where we still live. In return, the drell formed the Compact with the hanar. Some of us serve the hanar, doing what they find difficult. Many become bodyguards or aides of one sort or another. A select few show promise enough to be trained as assassins."

Shepard was completely absorbed in his story, toy model temporarily forgotten. "That sounds like slavery!"

"No." Thane was quick to deny her accusation. He had heard that many times before, and he was tired of outsiders who viewed the Compact through their own cultural lens. "It is an honor to serve. It is a small repayment of the gift of life for the drell. Without the hanar, the drell would be reduced to a handful of primitive tribes on Rakhana, destined only to fade into ignoble extinction, one of many races that fell prey to the baser urges of greed, pride, and war. Much like the krogan, but the drell did not possess such renowned fighting skills and thus were ignored by the other races in the galaxy. Only the hanar were moved to assist us, and they were beyond charitable. They literally opened their homeworld to us, helped us to build living domes that approximated Rakhana's desert conditions on a constantly raining world. They gave us life, hope and a future. Set against that, the Compact seems a meager repayment. Of the drell, only a few are called to serve, and anyone can refuse. Few do."

"How could your parents let you go? Did they know what would happen?" she demanded.

Like so many others, she refused to listen. Thane paused, then his eyelids fluttered. His words came fast and jerky. "_Arms holding tight, tears falling down her face. 'We love you, Thane. Remember that always.' Another set of arms pulling me free, holding me for a second, then setting me on the floor. 'Serve with honor, son.' Giving my hand to an older man, two hanar watching from the side. A long walk to a groundcar. The older one says, 'You have a new family now, Thane. We take care of our own. You won't be alone.'_" He stopped abruptly and picked up his mug.

"What was that?" Shepard asked.

"Drell have eidetic memories. We remember everything. Sometimes a memory will be triggered, as fresh as when it happened. I apologize. I haven't thought of that day for many years." He looked down into his mug, trying to keep other memories of his early days in the Guild from surfacing.

Something in his posture touched her. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to bring up a painful memory."

"Looking back, it was the fear of a child for the new and unknown, the loss of the familiar. But it is merely a part of growing up. All children eventually lose the security of their family, even if it's to move on and form families of their own. I served with honor for the drell and hanar. It was a good life," he added with a wry smile.

"Hmpf. Still sounds like indentured servitude to me," Shepard muttered as she bent back to her box of parts. There was silence between the two for a while as she built up the tiny engines and Thane sipped his tea as they each contemplated what had been said.

"Would you care for something to drink? I was going to refill my tea, and I would be pleased to bring you something," he offered.

"Yes, thank you. Tea sounds good."

While Thane was in the mess, Shepard wondered if she'd inadvertently offended him by likening his service to slavery. Wouldn't be the first time she'd put her foot in her mouth, and certainly wouldn't be the last. Usually, though, she didn't care if she offended someone. She said what she meant, and they could just deal with it. Thane was different though. Unexpectedly thoughtful and spiritual. Well, maybe he was hard to offend, she thought. That would be handy around her.

The life support door slid open, but she didn't look up even as he slid a mug in front of her. "Thanks," she said and then bit her lip in concentration. This piece was being exceedingly difficult to rotate into place. At last, it snapped in, and she held it until the glue dried. Finally she was able to set it down and pick up her drink. Shepard sniffed appreciatively. "What is it?"

"An asari blend from Illium I've come to appreciate. It helps calm the thoughts but doesn't dull perception. It's quite popular on Illium, especially among lawyers." There was a faint hint of laughter in his rumbling voice as he described how he had been introduced to it by his first client on Illium several years ago.

Shepard cradled the mug in her hands and breathed in the steam. It did seem to help slow her racing thoughts. "I used to drink coffee," she said into the quiet. "Everyone does in the navy. You learn to like it, no matter how bad it is. And it usually is quite bad. But ever since I...came back..." Again her voice faded away in an awkward pause, unsure of how to continue and this time Thane held the silence. "I just can't stand it anymore. And the coffee isn't the only thing that's changed. It's disconcerting when I find something like that. It's like realizing your shoes don't match, but you can't figure out which is the right one."

Thane's voice was soft. "So you did actually die? There's been quite a bit of confusion on that point on the extranet."

Shepard nodded, not looking up. "Dead. '_Just meat and tubes on a table.'"_ A shudder ran through her hands when she said that. "I don't know how Cerberus did it. The Lazarus project. That's what they called me. I...died." She said the last word slowly, but firmly. "Then two years later, I woke up. It feels like I just went to sleep, but the galaxy changed around me. My friends changed. Apparently, I changed, too, in spite of the Illusive Man's insistence that I be brought back exactly as I was before. Hell, I know it was a miracle I came back at all, but sometimes I have to wonder how much has changed. Which shoe am I?"

Thane's inner eyelids fluttered before he could control himself. So she really did die and come back from beyond the ocean. The concept was staggering. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, but this was not the time, not when he had just met her. This was an open contract, and he hoped there would be opportunities in the future to ask her if she remembered her trip beyond the ocean. But for now, this was an intriguing and delicate conversation. Very rarely in his life had Thane been close enough to anyone to have this sort of philosophical conversation, and never with an employer. He considered his options. Shepard was bold and unconventional, and yet she had been through something that no one else had outside of legend, and he could see how it weighed on her.

Thane decided to take a chance of his own. Greatly daring, he set his mug down and reached out to lift her chin up, forcing her eyes to meet his. "Does it matter? Your soul has returned to its body. You are whole once again. You know your purpose in life. Does it truly matter if some details have changed? Every day, we change. I am not the same man I was two years ago. Perhaps if you had been alive for these two years, you would have awoken on your own to the realization that it is better to drink good tea than bad coffee."

She laughed. His fingers were cool and rough on her chin, and his words brought a genuine warmth to her smile. Mission accomplished, he dropped his hand back to the table. "Maybe that's why I only have two pairs of shoes to my name right now. Can't get mixed up very easily." She leaned back in her chair and mulled over Thane's words. "You believe in a soul?"

"Yes. The soul and the body are two parts of the whole. They must work together, or the person becomes disconnected. They do not know their purpose and cause chaos and pain, both to themselves and everyone around them."

A longer silence held the room. Shepard ignored her model now as she thought about the assassin's words. "How can you say that? We both cause chaos and pain around us, but we both know our purpose. I'm going to take down the Collectors and then the Reapers, no matter what I have to do to accomplish it. You have your contracts, and you can't tell me that killing someone doesn't cause loss and pain for those around them. You just said my soul and body were back together, but I'll be the first to point out that I cause chaos wherever I go."

Thane nodded. "I was unclear. In the disconnected person, the soul and body work at cross purposes. The person often has no clear goal. The soul provides the guiding compass to a body's work, but when the body will not listen to it, chaos results. The chaos will spread from that person to touch everything around him, causing greater and greater harm. Some people have little influence or power, and thus the damage they can inflict is lessened. But others, like Nassana, have a great deal of power. The harm they inflict spreads out in larger and larger ripples until something stops it.

"The same happens when body and soul work in concert, except that the changes they bring about will build something better. But no change comes without cost, without chaos. Just as a fire can be used to temper metal into a sword, it can also become a wildfire capable of destroying cities. It is the intent and will behind the chaos that demonstrate whether or not the soul and body are working together."

"So even if I have to cut a swathe through the Council and every major civilized species in order to get their attention, it's worth it if we can work together to fend off the Reaper threat," she mulled.

"Indeed," Thane rumbled. "But keep in mind that people are scared of fire. They worry that it will get out of hand, that it will burn them. Better to keep the embers low, they think. That way it will still warm them, even if it won't light the night. I have a feeling that you, Commander, will burn away the darkness in a most spectacular fashion."

"And what of you, Thane? Is that how you reconcile what you do? Making the galaxy a brighter place is what you told me."

Now it was the drell's turn to hesitate. Memories of a broken and bloodied body lying in their bedroom, a child crying his heart out, pleading with him to stay, to keep his mommy from the sea. "I have much to atone for. I do it with the gifts that I was given. To do less would be to deny the bond between my body and my soul. What help I can give you, Commander, is offered freely."

The sincerity in his rough, low voice was unmistakable, and she couldn't help but contrast it with the rationale for the others to join her crusade. Only Garrus had made the same level of commitment to her, had offered to walk into hell with her. This assassin, this man so talented at taking life was promising to use those skills to protect her life and her mission.

They both sat quietly. Nothing more needed to be said. It wasn't until Shepard finally finished her tea that she broke the silence. "Thank you for letting me stay." Her voice was nearly a whisper; the silence was so deep and tangible that it almost felt sacrilegious to say anything. "It helped." She proceeded to pack the model back into its box. It looked significantly more like a cruiser than it had when she entered.

"You are welcome here anytime, Commander," Thane replied as he stood to walk her to the door.

"I'll take you up on it," she promised. "And Thane. Call me Shepard. Everyone else does."

"I look forward to your next visit...Shepard," he replied with a smile playing on his full lips. Ever the gentleman, he escorted her through the doorway.

She waited for the elevator. Just before she stepped on, she turned to look back at Life Support. The smile transformed her face from serious Commander to a young woman with a stunning and vivacious personality that transcended species. Thane couldn't take his eyes off her until she disappeared into the elevator, then he slowly walked back into the room he could call his own. His thoughts were consumed by the contradictory woman who was his new employer, and he knew that he would spend many hours trying to unravel the enigma that was Commander Shepard.


	3. Relic Hunting

EDI's electric blue interface popped up in Shepard's cabin. "Commander, the Illusive Man would like to speak to you right away."

"Crap, EDI, I'm trying to upgrade the Normandy, figure out what's up with Jacob, keep Miranda and Jack from killing each other, and figure out what's got a burr under Grunt's hump. What does he think I am? A miracle worker?"

"I believe he reserves that title for himself. He did call you the Lazarus project, a clear reference to Jesus Christ, who worked miracles like raising the dead." There was something odd about EDI's delivery and Shepard looked up at the holographic display. "That was a joke," EDI added in a deadpan voice.

"You need to work on your humor, EDI," Shepard replied with a shake of her head.

In the comm room, Shepard stepped into the scanner for the quantum entanglement device that was linked to the Illusive Man's base. As usual, he was relaxing in his chair with a cigarette. "Ah, Shepard, good. I need you to go check out a science base of ours that just issued an SOS."

"I'm not your errand girl, Illusive Man. In case you forgot, I'm busy putting my team together to track down the Collectors. Remember, the whole reason you brought me back?" Try as she might, she couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice. God, but she hated working for that man. She hated the idea of being beholden to him for her life, her ship, her crew.

"I think you'll want to take a look at this. I had a science team working on Namakli, and they reported finding a Prothean relic unlike any we've seen before. They thought they could restore power to it, but shortly thereafter, they sent a distress signal and we've heard nothing since. You're the closest ship I've got, plus you're the only person in the galaxy with first-hand experience deciphering Prothean beacons. There might be something in it about the Reapers. That's why I need you to go."

"What sort of relic?" Shepard was interested in spite of herself. If there was a chance of finding something that would give them an edge over the Reapers, then he was right. She couldn't ignore it.

"We're not sure. The science team was following a strange spike in electromagnetic activity near a suspected Prothean ruin. Looks like they discovered an old colony from the end of the Prothean civilization. The architecture is decidedly different from other ruins. When they tracked down the source of the energy, the relic shut down. They spent three months trying to wake it up again. Dr. Acali had just sent a report citing some success by exposing the relic to different genetic samples, but that was the last message before the distress call. Shepard, we need that relic."

Shepard nodded. "Alright. We'll go take a look. Keep your fingers crossed." She stalked out of the comm room with a scowl on her face. She felt like a puppet on a string, dancing to the Illusive Man's tune, but dammit, the lure he dangled was just too good to pass up. Kelly looked askance at her as she strode up to the galaxy map. "You have a new message, Commander." Shepard took a look, and as expected, it was the coordinates to the relic site.

"Joker, plot a course to the Zaherin system and head for Namakli. EDI, scan the spectrum to see if you can get some intel before we land."

"Yes, ma'am," came Joker's swift response. "We should be there in 14 hours."

"I will keep you apprised of the situation, Commander," EDI added.

"Fine. I'm going to the battery. Let me know if anything changes." Still scowling, she made it to the elevator in three long strides. Apparently, she looked mad enough that none of the crew in the mess gave her a greeting. Even Gardner let her pass without a word.

The battery was a hectic mess of parts, cables and people. It took her a moment, but she finally spotted Garrus' long legs sticking out from underneath the far end of the battery. "Garrus," she called as she vaulted the rail and made her way forward.

"Kinda busy, Shepard," he replied without coming out.

"How's the new cannon installation coming?" she asked.

"Well, fortunately for you, I just happen to be one of the galaxy's foremost experts in guns. The bigger, the better," the turian drawled from underneath the new Thannix cannon. "It'll still take at least two weeks to get the hardware installed, then we've got to get the power synched up with the drive core, and then it'll take some delicate calibrations to optimize the output. But when it's done, we should have firepower equal to the Collectors' ship."

Shepard leaned back against the bulkhead. "Music to my ears, Garrus. You have no idea how badly I want some payback."

"Probably almost as much as I do. After all, they destroyed my Mako," he teased.

Shepard kicked his foot, drawing a laugh. "Well, they also spaced my best friend, so I owe them for that," he added.

"Laugh it up, Archangel. Anyway, I came down to talk to you about our next mission, but I see you're otherwise occupied."

"What's up? I don't suppose it involves a tropical beach somewhere, hrm?"

"You wish. Cerberus has a Prothean relic they want us to pick up."

"Oh goodie. What's the catch? Ouch!"

"What's the matter? Drop a wrench on that thick head of yours." An indistinct mutter was the only answer she got, so she went ahead and answered his question. "The Illusive Man thinks the base was taken over by a hostile force. I'm betting on geth. They always seem to be drawn to Prothean relics."

"Just like you, Shepard. But maybe we'll be lucky, and it's just a couple of mercs."

"We can only hope. Oh well, I've got EDI doing long distance recon. Hopefully she'll find something by the time we get there." Shepard waited a moment, but Garrus stayed under the gun, and she heard the sputter of an electric torch. "Alright, I'll leave you to your first love. Keep me updated on your progress."

"Will do, Shepard," he called out.

It was early afternoon, shiptime, and they'd arrive at the planet early next morning. Shepard decided to make the rounds and check on her folks. She was especially worried about Jack. The young biotic had a chip on her shoulder as big as the Normandy, but all she could focus on was the detention facility on Pragia. Getting her to talk about anything else was like pulling hen's teeth. Grunt was always fun to talk to. She found a kindred spirit of destruction in the young krogan, but he was sorely missing the tempering of experience. A few more battles and some scars and he might settle down. She'd asked Ken and Gabby to help her redesign one of the cargo holds on the hangar deck into a krogan-proof training room last week so at least she could stop worrying about him cracking the glass overlooking the drive core.

She stopped by to talk to Miranda out of a sense of duty. Jack's epithet of cheerleader stuck in her head every time she talked to Miranda, and for every horror Shepard ascribed to Cerberus, Miranda had a perfectly rational explanation of why it had gone wrong or why it wasn't Cerberus' fault. It was hard for Shepard to get around all the memories of Cerberus' past wrongs and think they might possibly, potentially, in some way be a decent organization. It just didn't sit right with her. So she avoided Miranda's office as much as possible, only going in to check on the ship's status and other such details.

Jacob was another one that she had trouble getting comfortable with. She made sure to include him whenever possible, but they were both former Alliance, and they were both keenly aware that neither was Alliance anymore. It made their interactions awkward, even though he was a damn fine soldier. They talked often, but it never had the ease that she had come to associate with their latest addition, Thane.

After dinner, she made her way to Life Support with her nearly complete Alliance Cruiser model as had become her habit over the last several weeks. Thane ushered her in, and she laughed out loud when she saw two steaming mugs of tea waiting on the table. "I see you were expecting me." She sank into her customary chair and traded the box for her mug.

"I hoped you would come by," Thane remarked. "You made a point of visiting with the rest of your squad today, so I assumed you would either stop by here tonight or you had grown tired of my company. I'm pleased that it was the former." There was a barely audible rumble in his voice that sounded like a low laughter. He opened the box and took the model out. "You will finish this tonight. And then what reason will you use to seek out my company of an evening?"

"I've got another one in the bottom of my closet. A model of Sovereign." She wrinkled her nose as she said it. "Don't know why it got made into a model. Not even sure why I bought it. Maybe so I can smash it to pieces when I'm done with the Reapers."

"Ah, another of your contradictions, Shepard. You create, just so you can destroy."

"Well, when you put it that way..."

The rest of the evening passed in a pleasant glow of conversation, tea and company.

* * *

EDI's voice roused Shepard from an unusually restful sleep. "Commander, I have picked up transmissions from the Cerberus site, and I have identified it as a Blood Pack mercenary troop. It was encoded, but preliminary analysis indicates they are looking for a buyer for something of value."

"Well, that's two things that have gone right, and I haven't even gotten out of bed yet. Thanks, EDI. Let me know if you pick up anything else." Shepard rolled out of bed and did some quick warmups to loosen her muscles on the way to the shower. Blood Pack meant krogans, which would mean a tough fight, but still better than the geth that she had been expecting. And hopefully EDI's translation meant that whatever the science team had uncovered was still on the planet's surface. With luck, she could take out the mercs and secure the item and be out of there before anyone else showed up.

After a quick shower, she dressed for battle. First the compression suit with its medi-gel conduits and life support sensors, followed by her hardsuit. She'd polished it last night and it gleamed white with red accents on the arm and shoulder guard. While she was getting dressed, she considered her team options. "Grunt, definitely," she nodded to herself. He needed both the experience and to get out and hit something before she had to replace the heavy duty plating in the training room again. Plus if she was going up against Blood Pack, she wanted some serious muscle on her side, too. "Garrus. No, too busy with the Thannix." She didn't want to pull him away from his project. It was too delicate to leave in someone else's hands, and she wanted it done ASAP. She wanted someone who could back her up from a distance. Between herself and Grunt, they would create the front line havoc. Jack would only add to that. She wanted someone a bit steadier to balance out Grunt. "Thane," she said decisively. She could use his calm to balance Grunt, and he could stay back and pick off targets that got too close. Plus she liked the steadying influence he brought to the team.

"EDI, tell Grunt and Thane to suit up and meet me in the shuttle bay."

The science camp was in a box canyon. Shepard cursed when she saw the layout. The entire merc group was going to be alerted to their arrival, and she dodged a lucky shot that made it into the shuttle cabin. Activating her tech armor, she dropped to the ground and took cover behind some crates. "Grunt, flank left. Thane, keep anyone else from joining the party!"

A wild glee took over as she threw warp fields across the clearing, alternating with bursts from her assault rifle. Between her and Grunt, they were inflicting some serious damage and confusion into the merc group. Behind her, she heard the steady crack of a sniper rifle and just had time to see a bulky shape drop as it ran out from a tunnel in the cliff face. There was a sudden lull in the fighting, and she realized they'd taken out all the mercs in the clearing. "Grunt, ten o'clock. Move out."

Grunt was already close to the tunnel entrance and took off like a freight train, not bothering to wait for her. "Damn krogan! Wait for me!" she yelled at him, but he was already inside the tunnel. She ran to catch up, but by the time she made it inside, Grunt had disappeared around a bend. The tunnel was natural with a few outcroppings, and Shepard could see in glimpses as she ran that it had been widened with explosives.

Up ahead, she heard the unmistakable clash of two krogans hitting at full speed in battle armor. "Damn kid, gonna get himself killed," she muttered and dashed around the corner and nearly ran into a reeling krogan merc. Grunt and a heavily scarred krogan in blood red armor were picking themselves up from where they had obviously collided. The tunnel was only straight for fifteen feet or so before it bent again out of sight. Shepard heard heavy footsteps pounding down the corridor heading for them, but she didn't have time to spare because the first merc was up and charging her. She ducked out his way and threw a warp field at him to weaken his armor and stop his regeneration. He shrugged it off as he pivoted far too quickly and charged back at her.

She brought her assault rifle up and fired point blank, again dodging out of his way. Out of the corner of her eye she saw two more krogan and a vorcha pyro come around the far corner. "_Who the hell gave a vorcha a flamethrower?_" her mind screamed as she danced away from the newcomers.

The vorcha threw the handle, dousing the entire narrow tunnel in flame. She knew the krogans would shrug it off for the most part, but the flames were eating away at her protective tech shielding. With an angry scream she dove toward the vorcha and snapped into a roll, trying to get to the side and target his tank before her shielding gave out. Her rifle was already targeting him as he started to turn. She squeezed a three round burst into the tank valve, and the vorcha dissolved into a fiery inferno that tossed her backwards several feet. Her tech armor took most of the blast but sizzled out at the very end, letting a fierce blast of heat wash over her.

Shepard jumped back to her feet and glanced around to get the situation. Grunt was taking on two krogan mercs by himself and she could hear him roaring in battle rage. The first krogan merc had been at the far end of the tunnel and hadn't been affected by the explosion at all, and he was already charging her again. Just beyond him, she caught a glimpse of Thane coming around the corner with his assault rifle up, and she heard his rifle bark. She knew he had hit the charging merc in the back, but the krogan gave no signs that he even felt the bullets.

Again, Shepard tried to dodge out of the way, but the tunnel was too narrow. She squeezed her assault rifle and fired point blank into his midsection just before the merc ran into her headlong. She knew he intended to smash her against the rock wall, and at the last second, she tried to wrap a biotic throw behind herself to cushion the impact, but she couldn't get her arms into the proper position to trigger the muscle reflexes that would activate her biotics.

There was a loud crack that accompanied her impact with the wall, and Shepard saw stars. Her breath was crushed out of her lungs, and then she was toppling to the ground underneath the krogan. Her foot got caught on something as they fell in a tangle, and suddenly a sharp shooting pain stabbed from her knee all the way up her side. The pair fell to the ground, and Shepard was nearly stunned into immobility. The krogan had fallen on her right side, pinning her arm and rifle to the ground. She hammered against his face, trying to pull her arm free, but she was still too shaken to put much force behind it. He roared and snapped at her hand, pulling back his own arm to pummel her.

With lightning reflexes, she jabbed her fingers into his beady eye, causing another roar and this time he did roll backward far enough to release her rifle. Her finger was already holding down the trigger as she brought it up into his face. Nine rounds later she blinked and saw Thane standing to the side, his rifle jammed under one of the krogan's body armor plates.

The world was swimming around her in slow motion as she rolled to her side. She tried to stand up, but a white-hot stab of pain shot from her knee and it buckled underneath her. She saw Grunt trading massive blows with one of the mercs. The other one was unmoving on the ground beside him.

"Go, go!" She waved Thane on toward the other two and staggered to her feet. "Damn it!" she muttered as she leaned against the wall. Her vision was still blurry, and she couldn't hold a bead on the other krogan steadily enough to take a shot. Fortunately, Thane was there.

Shepard wasn't entirely sure she could believe her eyes. Thane kicked the merc's knees to the side one after the other, effectively crippling him. Then he eeled around to the front and unleashed a volley of blows to his face and throat so fast she thought she must be hallucinating. The krogan reeled, and Thane was just as suddenly off to the side, letting Grunt finish him off with his shotgun.

"Shepard, how bad is it?" Thane was back at her side, looking at her face and then down to see that she was keeping her weight off her right leg.

"I'll live," she growled as she hit the controls on her suit to pump in more pain medicine. "Come on, let's go get that relic. Grunt, if you take off ahead of me like that again, I will rip your armor into little strips and shove it out the garbage disposal, and then I'm going to start ripping your idiotic ass into even smaller pieces and doing the same thing with you. We are a team, you soft-headed, unscarred idiot! Start acting like it. Do you understand me, whelp?"

Grunt seemed chastened, but that could just be her blurry vision. Without another word, she pushed past him, ignoring the fire in her knee and ringing in her head by force of will. She led her team further down the tunnel, and this time they moved as a unit.

They came up to a cavern, and Shepard sent Thane ahead to check it out. The assassin practically melted into the shadows. Shepard and Grunt stayed behind some crates piled in the tunnel. Grunt got edgy while he was gone, but an icy glare from Shepard made him subside until Thane reappeared. "Six krogans, well spaced out around the cave with a kill zone set up at the tunnel exit. There are also two human hostages secured at the back of the cave, most likely the Cerberus scientists. The mercenaries have explosives rigged to some of the scientific equipment."

"Alright, Thane, you and I will send out a welcoming party first. Let's hope there's nothing too valuable in these crates, because we're going to throw them out into the kill zone. Grunt, follow it up with grenades, then I want you to charge left. Thane, take out the ones closest to the hostages. I'll circle right, hopefully without attracting any attention and see if I can defuse those explosives. If either of you spots that relic, protect it. Ready? Move."

Shepard and Thane stood back from the crates and as one, they coordinated their biotics to throw the crates out of the tunnel opening. It was so smooth it felt like they had rehearsed it a dozen times, but Shepard had no time enjoy the feeling of tight teamwork. The biotic effort triggered a wave of nausea that she had to fight to keep at bay. She tapped a button on her omni tool, overriding the safeties and sending more stimulants and pain medicine into her body.

The crates exploded into sawdust and splinters, but they did the job of forcing the mercs to expend ammo. As soon as there was a pause in the firing, the team was through the opening. Grunt was racing to take out his targets, and Thane had somehow already found a protected perch and was lining up his target. Shepard grimaced and hobbled forward. Even with the extra drugs in her system, her leg was too damaged to move quickly or smoothly. She saw that she wouldn't be able to engage the hostiles on the right, so she gritted her teeth and started throwing biotic warps at Grunt's opponents while finding some cover for herself. With any luck, the remaining krogans would focus on Grunt as the main threat and ignore the small human hanging back, and she could weaken them before they ever reached the kid.

For a few seconds, it seemed to be working. Thane had dropped the two in the back, and the other four were heading toward Grunt. Shepard took advantage of the opportunity to continue moving to the right and toward the hostages. She had almost made it back to them, enough to see that they were alive, roughed up and very scared. She turned back to Grunt and winced. It was now three on one, and he was taking a beating. He might be the ultimate krogan, but those were bad odds even for him. She leaned her assault rifle on a crate to steady it and swept it around, looking for a target. At least her vision had cleared up and her hands weren't shaking quite so much. She still couldn't risk shooting the krogan near Grunt, but...there. One of the explosives Thane had mentioned. The light indicated it was live. She tapped a few commands on her omni-tool and sent an override command to the explosives, forcing them to go off.

The explosive shook the entire cavern and dust and small rocks fell down, but it had the desired effect of knocking the group apart. The krogan merc closest to the explosion was down. Shepard trained her rifle on the one furthest from Grunt and started firing. Thane must have picked the same target, because the merc jerked in two directions as he was hit. She heard the deep boom of Grunt's shotgun and the third merc fell to his knees. Two more blasts and he was on the ground, but in the meantime, the first one had gotten back to his feet and turned toward Shepard and the hostages.

"Damn stupid krogans," she muttered under her breath. She centered her assault rifle on him and unleashed every round she had, and he didn't even slow. She was running out of time and bullets. In the space of a second, she steadied her center, reached deep inside for the strength she needed, and hurled a biotic throw at the charging krogan. She put so much energy into it that her amps were screaming and she immediately fell onto the crate for support, but she'd managed to stagger him backward by two meters. That was enough for Thane and Grunt to team up and take him out.

"Whoever you are, thank you," the elderly woman told Shepard in a shaky voice.

Shepard caught her breath and rubbed at her face. Her skin felt like it was on fire from the new cybernetics and L5 implants. "You the science team? Where's the relic?" she grilled the two humans.

The other one, a middle-aged male, nodded. "We're all that's left. Crisce tried to sneak out last night, but they caught him and ..." He couldn't finish and the woman took over.

"We were to be part of the sale, too. The leader was quite angry with the one who killed Crisce. Said it cut his profit margin and he'd have to make it up by reducing overhead. Then he shot the one who killed Crisce. Thank you so much for rescuing us. I'm afraid to think of what would have happened to us."

Shepard bit back a comment about the brutal life of slaves. No point in scaring these two more with what could have happened. Instead she tried to reassure them. "You're safe now. We'll get you back home. Is that the relic?" Shepard spotted a silvery sphere behind the pair.

The man nodded. "Yes, it's intact, but it's nothing like any other relic we've ever come across. Only the ruins nearby gave us a clue that this was a Prothean site. We had just discovered that it was responding to touch, and we were going to try various tissue samples..."

Shepard waved him off and limped away. She could really care less about whatever he was babbling about. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, the twin pains in her knee and her head were about to overwhelm her, and she was vaguely aware of more pain in her back. She saw Thane disabling another one of the explosives. "Grunt, get over here."

He was a mess. His armor was dented and missing a few pieces, and he was covered in blood. She couldn't tell how much was his, but he was still on his feet, so she supposed his regenerative abilities would keep him mobile. She leaned against the crate and just looked him over for a long moment. "Good job, kid," she finally said. "Beating four on one odds is impressive. If you can learn to keep your head and work with your team as well as you can fight by yourself, you'll be as worthy a krogan as Urdnodt Wrex. But I meant what I said earlier. You better damn well learn to control yourself. I need a team when we go against the Collectors, not a goddamn bunch of egotistical superheroes. Got it?"

The massive krogan ducked his head. "Yes, Commander."

"Good. Do that, and we'll smash our enemies to dust and deep space until none remain."

"Yes, Commander," he growled again much more enthusiastically and hit his fists together.

She ordered him to stay behind and guard the relic until they could get a team down to move it and the rest of the equipment to the shuttle. Thane and the scientists accompanied her back through the tunnel to the canyon.

The pain in her leg was making her vision go blurry again and she had to stop to catch her breath. Suddenly Thane was by her side, slipping an arm around her and supporting her weight. "Allow me, Shepard."

"Didn't seem so far going the other direction," she grunted as they made their way back at her slow, halting pace.

"It never does. Remind me to tell you about the time I had to make an exit through a two foot waste fuel pipe after a job. At one point, I had to dislocate my shoulder to get through. At least there's room to stand upright here, along with a breathable atmosphere."

"Yuck. Don't like tight spaces," she gasped. She was putting more and more of her weight on Thane, but the sight of the shuttle ahead gave her new strength. Thane helped pull her into the shuttle and get seated, then he got the scientists strapped in. Shepard leaned her head back against the shuttle hull and was unconscious before they lifted off.

* * *

"Shepard, wake up." Thane's gravelly voice rumbled softly in her ear.

"Hunh? What...owwwwww." She came to the realization that she had been sleeping on Thane's shoulder. She had about one second where she felt a warm comforting sensation before it was shoved aside by another bout of nausea. She started sweating as she brought up her omni-tool and ordered more pain medicine. She had to override the safety again, and this time, the lights stayed on accusingly, a visual note that the Alliance used to let medics know when soldiers had pushed beyond safe limits too many times. She know Chakwas would give her hell for it later, but that was then, and right now, she just wanted the pain to go away for a little while longer. She dialed in another dose of stimulants, too. She needed a clear head as she got the landing party and its cargo organized. "EDI, have Miranda meet us at the shuttle bay."

When the shuttle door opened, Shepard didn't get up right away. She waited for the scientists to get out and motioned Miranda to come inside. "I want you to go back down to the planet right away. Take Jacob and Mordin. I left Grunt there with the relic. I want you to bring it up and find a secure place for it in the shuttle deck. Whatever you do, do not touch it with bare skin. The scientists were talking tissue samples. I don't know what they discovered, and right now, I don't much care.

"I know you're going to send the data back to Cerberus. Whatever. But that relic stays on the Normandy until I get a chance to look at it. If there's something in it that can tell us about the Reapers, I have to find it. Understood?"

"Yes, Commander. I'll take care of it. Shall I call Dr. Chakwas down here to escort you to the medical bay?"

"No!" Shepard winced as she grabbed a handhold and pulled herself upright. Her bad leg had stiffened almost completely during the flight back to the Normandy. "It's not that bad. I'll go see her later. Check on Grunt for me, though. He took on four krogan mercenaries by himself. The kid did good."

Shepard hopped out awkwardly and let Miranda get in the shuttle. She could feel Miranda's disapproving gaze on her back, but she didn't care. She put all of her concentration into forcing her bad leg to move and support her weight. She would _not _be carried through the halls of her own ship!

Thane was still by her side, and reluctantly, she accepted his help again to get to the elevator. Jacob stepped out of the elevator and saluted her. All Shepard could muster was a tired nod. The elevator ride to her cabin took forever, and she slumped against the wall. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to the medical bay, siha?" the drell asked.

"Just get me to my room," she growled. She was so tired that her words were slurring together and her vision was blurring again. She desperately hoped she could make it into her cabin and send Thane away before she embarrassed herself by fainting.

Thane grabbed her around her waist and with his help, she hopped across the short hallway to her cabin. "Thanks, Thane. You can go. I'm good now."

"No, Shepard, you are not. If you will not go to the medical bay, at least allow me to help you get settled." She was going to argue, but something in his tone and the strength of his grip around her waist made her decide it would be a battle she didn't have the strength to win right now.

"Fine," she muttered ungraciously.

Thane helped her inside and she leaned up against the shower wall to start unbuckling her armor. Another bout of nausea hit her as the chest and back armor fell to the floor. She concentrated on her breathing, and by the time she battled it down, the assassin had finished removing her arm and leg plates. This time, he didn't even ask. He picked her up and carried her down the stairs to set her on the bed. He produced a knife from somewhere and started to cut through the leg of her compression suit. "Hey, you'll ruin it," she protested.

Thane quirked a smile at her and went to retrieve her back armor. He turned it around to show it to her. "I think it's already a lost cause."

"Holy crap," she breathed. There was a nearly circular hole punched in the back with cracks radiating from the hole's edge all the way out to the sides of the armor. "That fucking krogan broke my armor!"

"You're lucky he didn't break anything else. How's your back?" Thane asked.

Shepard shrugged her shoulders experimentally and winced. "I don't think I want to know."

Thane started to cut the leg off her compression suit again, and this time Shepard didn't stop him. He slit the leg almost up to her thigh, and she grimaced when she could see how red and swollen her knee was. It was already showing hints of black and purple around the knee and ankle. Thane lightly ran his fingers along her leg. She held her breath in anticipation of more pain, but his touch was light enough that she could barely feel it. "Torn ligaments," he pronounced.

"What, you're a doctor, too?"

He nodded. "Close enough. In my line of work, you have to know how various species are put together if you want to take them apart efficiently. Let me see your back."

She leaned forward, but instead of checking her back, she felt his fingers gently touch the back of her head. "EDI," he asked, "please ask Dr. Chakwas to come to Commander Shepard's cabin."

"Thane, I told you I don't need..."

He cut her off. "Shepard, you have a head injury. At the very least, you need to let Dr. Chakwas examine you." He moved back and she saw blood on his fingers, bright red against the muted green of his skin. Automatically she reached back and encountered a tangled, sticky mass on the back of her head where blood had matted her hair.

Very softly, "Oh, I guess that explains a few things." She groaned and leaned forward to bury her face in her hands. "And it was shaping up to be such a good day this morning."

That got a faint rumbling laugh from Thane. "You recovered the artifact with no casualties, saved the science team, and hopefully Grunt learned a valuable lesson. I'd say it's still a good day."

The door slid open to admit Chakwas, and she sighed in exasperation at seeing Shepard's condition. "Why didn't you just come to the med bay, Commander? You know I'm going to take you straight there anyway. No, don't move yet. Let me see how bad it is. What's the worst damage?"

Shepard opened her mouth to make a smart alec reply, but Thane beat her to the punch. "Head, then leg, then back."

"Tattletale," she muttered and submitted to Chakwas' probing fingertips on her head. She hissed as the doctor's ministrations increased the pain in her head. When Chakwas moved to her leg and started moving it around, she couldn't help herself and swatted the doctor's hand away. "Enough! Stop torturing me and just fix the damn thing!"

Chakwas stepped back and met the Commander's angry glare with a steely one that was honed from decades of dealing with injured and angry servicemen. "You need to be in the med bay now, and I refuse to allow you to walk there. Sere Krios, might I ask your assistance in carrying the Commander down to the med bay? And before you object, Commander, you can either be carried by one crewmember, or I can get a stretcher and we can get more people involved."

"Of course, Doctor." Thane leaned in and scooped her up, careful not to jostle her hurt leg. Before she quite realized it, she was cradled securely against Thane's chest. He moved up the stairs and out into the hallway so smoothly she felt like she was floating. While they were waiting for the elevator to arrive, he leaned in so he could whisper in her ear, "Speaking of good days, my day just got much better."

Shepard stared up at his face, wondering if he meant what she thought he did. He looked down at her with an enigmatic smile on his face, and she could feel her cheeks blushing hot. Suddenly, she found herself hoping he wasn't quite the expert on human emotions that he was on human physiology, and he'd attribute the blush to her injuries. She looked down, but all that did was remind her how well muscled his chest was. This close, she could smell an unusual spicy scent from his skin. It wasn't unpleasant at all. In fact, it was somewhat exhilarating, and a stray thought went through her head, wondering what she smelled like to him.

She was mesmerized by the subtle strength in his body and equally distracted by trying not to be distracted by it. She felt both relief and a pang of regret when Thane set her down on an exam table.

Chakwas used the sophisticated suite of diagnostic tools in the Normandy to swiftly diagnose her. Severe concussion, but no immediate brain swelling or damage, torn ligaments in both her knee and ankle, and severe to moderate bruising across her torso.

"Your cybernetics will repair most of the damage, but your leg needs surgery to reattach the ligaments. However, I don't want to risk operating for a few more hours until I'm sure you've suffered no brain damage. Given your accelerated healing rate, you should be in the clear by tomorrow morning, and then it's a simple procedure to go in and repair the damage to your leg. And don't think I didn't notice your suit diagnostics. You overdosed on every medicine you had, so you're not moving from that bed until tomorrow." Chakwas paused, then continued in a kinder voice. "Next time, Commander, try not to get caught between a rock and a krogan. Now get some rest." She settled back down at her desk.

Thane bowed in Shepard's direction. "I will let you get your rest, Shepard. Perhaps you would allow me to visit later tonight?"

Shepard smiled wistfully at Thane. "I'd like the company. Anything to break up the boredom of being confined to bed." Ever since waking up in the Cerberus lab and finding out she'd been dead, she had tried to avoid the med bay whenever possible. Every time she came in here, it reminded her of the Collector attack and her utter failure there that resulted in the deaths of twenty of her crew. Then she'd think about what Cerberus did to resurrect her. Thoughts of all those doctors poking around in her body and her head, touching her more intimately than anyone else ever had made her shudder. She forced her thoughts back to the present.

Well, there was always administrative work that piled up. "EDI, would you help me out and transfer my files on planetary resources to my omni-tool? And please send a note to Garrus asking for an update on the Thannix cannon." She tried very hard to remember that EDI was a sapient creature and due the same respect as any other crewmember.

Shepard put in a couple of hours reviewing potential resources and making notes. She talked with EDI and engineer Donnelly about the possibility of recruiting a xenogeologist to take up some of the load on resource scanning. She made it up to the lists of requisitions they needed from a major port before exhaustion claimed her again and she fell asleep.

* * *

"Aren't you a little squishy to be playing tackle with a krogan, Shepard?"

"Gah! Garrus? God, you're a scary sight to wake up to. Ow." Shepard grimaced as she rubbed her neck. She'd fallen asleep propped up against the med bay wall, and now her neck and shoulder were knotted up almost as badly as her back. "Ow, ow, ow. Where's Chakwas? I want some more pain medicine."

"Wimp," Garrus teased her.

"Yeah, well not all of us were born with our own armor plating. I think I did pretty well. Sucker's dead, and I'm not, so score one for me. Besides, it's just you. I don't have to put on the big bad Commander act with you." Shepard winced as she tried to find a more comfortable position. By now, the bruising on her back and ribs had turned her midsection into one solid lump of pain that competed with her leg every time she tried to move her knee. At least the nausea had subsided.

"I read the report Thane filed. Looks like things went pretty well, except for your little injury." Shepard interjected a sniff at the description 'little injury', but Garrus ignored her and continued. "So our baby boy is turning out to be a badass, hrm? What do you plan to do for his first birthday party? Set him loose on Omega?"

Shepard actually snorted a laugh at that. "Don't tempt me. Maybe I'll save that until he's three. We can have a quiet little party with the Blue Suns. I'll teach Grunt what a pinata is and let him go to town."

Garrus frowned at the piñata term and used his omni-tool to reference it, then he guffawed. "What do you think krogan would use for the candy?"

"Guns," Shepard replied dryly.

Garrus settled down in the chair next to her bed. "So what happened down there? The only thing Thane really said was that your hand to hand could use some improvement."

"Hrmpf. Keep in mind he's the best assassin in the galaxy and specializes in hand to hand, so I hardly think it's fair to compare me to him."

'"I thought you were calling him the 'supposed' best assassin," Garrus remarked.

"Yeah, well after his performance today, I'm convinced. My god, Garrus, I've never seen anyone move so fast. He stunned a krogan with his fists! You know how hard that is. And he just might give you a run for your money in the sniper department."

Garrus twitched his mandibles and laughed. "I'll believe it when I see it."

Shepard grinned. "Alright, next chance we get, we'll do a little range practice. Would be good for everyone to at least get proficient with every weapon. You never know what will happen."

"You going to add in hand to hand? You never know what'll happen." Garrus was grinning as he threw her words back at her.

"Bastard," she grumbled, but Garrus knew her well enough to know she wasn't really angry. "I suppose so, although I much prefer to kill them all before they get that close." They started going over the after-action report, dissecting every moment, looking for ways to improve their team.

Miranda stopped by to assure Shepard that the relic was safely locked in the cargo bay, and Grunt appeared to be almost contemplative, for a krogan adolescent. They agreed to drop the science team off at the Citadel, where Cerberus would pick them up. The scientists weren't happy about being deprived of access to their find, but Shepard wasn't budging on that. No one was going to mess with it while it was housed in her ship. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with the relic yet, but that was a decision that could wait a while.

Garrus called an end finally. "Dinner time, Shepard. Want me to bring you back something from the mess?"

"No, thanks. Still not hungry."

Garrus flared his mandibles in concern. "Now I know you're hurt. You never pass up a meal."

Shepard grimaced. "Side effects of overdosing on my suit meds. Chakwas has already read me the riot act."

"Doctors are the same in every species. You do what you have to in order to survive, and they chew you out and patch you up later. You'll live. Call me if you need anything." Garrus headed out, leaving Shepard alone with her thoughts.

She brought up her omni-tool, but even a combination of boredom and hating the med bay couldn't overcome her resistance to requisition paperwork right now. She sighed and flopped back on her pillow. If she couldn't focus on paperwork, maybe she could go back to the vision the Prothean beacon had shoved in her head and find something useful there.

Visions of blood, of violence. Machines merging with organics. Sensations of pain, of loss. The visuals were blurry, as if she had double vision. The relays, pulling back to see a map, eerily similar to the galaxy map in CIC, but she didn't recognize any of the systems. A spiderweb overlaid on the map, pieces of it disappearing. Did it indicate star systems being wiped out? No, it was a depiction of the Reaper's invasion, going backward in time. She clenched her fists and forced the memory back, trying to get another glimpse of it. The strands were converging on one system, no, not converging, originating. Which one? Where did the Reapers appear?

With a physical effort, she forced herself to drop more deeply into the vision. The Widow system. Of course! The citadel. Damn! They already knew that from Sovereign. The keepers flashed in her mind, along with detailed schematics. It looked like chemicals. Biochemical messaging, maybe? She struggled to commit the strings to memory so she could transcribe them, have someone else translate later. More images of cybernetics, a feeling of invasion, being changed against her will. Was that from the beacon or from her memories? She couldn't tell.

Back to the star map. Were there any other memories there? Anything that indicated where the Reapers lived? She felt like she was yelling at the beacon: Tell me how to defeat them! She felt herself drawn to Ilos, then back to the star map. Suddenly new lights appeared. One was over Ilos. One was over...Mars! The Prothean archives there. Three...four...five more lights appeared in her mind, and she was drawn to them one by one, flying in and hovering over the planets. Mars was similar, not much change in 50,000 years. Off to the next one. No name for it. A jungle planet, all the foliage was red and purple, the largest animals were reptilian. Another archive on an island in the southern hemisphere. She flew back up to identify the planet - the third from a main sequence yellow star, then out to identify the star system. No name, but its image was burned in her mind.

Off to the third archive, this time on a frozen dwarf orbiting a blue giant. Again she saw the location of the archive, then pulled back to identify the system. Finally the last one. An ocean world, hot, almost boiling. The archive was buried in the heart of the largest island near the north pole. Another star system she didn't recognize. She growled deep in her throat. No names to put to any of these systems, only pictures, and there were billions of star systems out there.

She couldn't maintain focus any longer. The map faded from her mind and she slowly came back to her physical self. That's when she realized she was shaking and covered in sweat, but it didn't matter. She had to transcribe what she'd seen before it faded from her mind. "EDI, I need your help. I'm going to describe some star systems. I want you to help me plot them. I need to get to CIC, I need to see the map." She muttered the last as she rolled out of the bed. It must be late; the lights were dimmed and she didn't see any crew out in the mess area.

She had just straightened up when a shadow detached itself from the wall opposite her. "Gah!" Shepard automatically reached for her pistol before simultaneously realizing she was unarmed and that the shadow was actually Thane.

"Shepard, you should be in bed." He crossed the med bay in two steps and had his hand on her arm, urging her back toward the bed.

"No! I have to get to CIC. Now. No talking, Thane."

She put a hand out to push him out of the way, but he simply wasn't there. In the space of a heartbeat, he was by her side and picked her up again. "If it is that urgent, then I will take you there."

As he walked, Shepard started talking again. "EDI, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Shepard."

"Alright, take this down and start looking for known star systems that match these descriptions. Shepard gave EDI the details in rapid fire, consumed with trying to get as much out of her mind before it faded. This time, Shepard was barely aware of Thane as he carried her into CIC. "Up to the galaxy map," she ordered absently. Thane didn't put her down, but she didn't even notice. As she described the star systems, EDI highlighted potential candidates. By the time Shepard finished describing the fifth archive's location, the map was covered in multicolored lights. She hissed in frustration. "Too many. Just show me the potential locations for the third archive. "Delete everything not in quadrants three and four." She kept on like that with EDI, trying to narrow down what she'd seen.

Thane shifted her in his arms, and suddenly Shepard came back to herself. "Oh, Thane! I'm sorry, I didn't even think...you can put me down now."

"I think not, Shepard. I wouldn't want to be party to you getting in more trouble with the doctor. This way, you can honestly say that you did not set foot outside of the med bay." There was a low rumble to his words that she was beginning to associate with laughter.

She smiled back at him. "Alright, but don't complain to me when your back hurts in the morning."

"I never complain of aches in the morning, whatever the reason."

Shepard searched his face for several seconds, but was unable to tell if he was teasing her or simply stating a truth for him. Giving up, she turned back to the map. "EDI, I think we've got enough for now. We can continue this later. Thanks for your help."

"I will continue to refine my search criteria to see if I can narrow down the possibilities. Logging you out, Shepard."

Thane shifted her once more as he turned and headed toward the elevator. Again, Shepard was struck by how smoothly he moved. Not a wasted motion. And he seemed completely unfazed by her weight, in spite of the fact that he must have been holding her for close to twenty minutes. She was no light weight. She stood a couple inches above human female norms, but the gene mods had given her extra muscle. The biotic use meant she was wiry instead of bulky, but she didn't know many men who could hold that much weight without tiring. Krogans, maybe, but all that armor wouldn't have been comfortable for her. Instead, she was noticing again how nice the drell's body was. They were a rarity throughout most of Council space, and Thane was the first and only drell she had met.

Thane deposited her gently back in the med bay. Even so, she hissed again in pain as she tried to shift her leg around. "Is there nothing you can do for the pain, Shepard?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Chakwas was pretty incensed about how much I used during the mission. Said I had to get it all out of my system before she could operate tomorrow. Damn!" She punched the bed in frustration, unable to find a position to get comfortable.

"Would you allow me to try something?" Thane reached out a hand toward her waist, stopping short by a few inches, waiting for her permission.

Shepard nodded. She was so sick of the pain and being unable to move that she'd have accepted a krogan chiropractor if he promised to make things better.

Thane's fingers traced down her spine until they rested just above her pelvis. He rubbed small circles across her skin, traveling a few centimeters over and down. Then he pushed in hard, causing Shepard to stiffen. He put his other hand on her shoulder. "Relax," he murmured. "This won't hurt." He pushed again in another spot and true to his word, it didn't hurt. Even more miraculously, the pain in her leg faded to a dull throb.

"How'd you do that?" she exclaimed in wonder as he stepped back.

"Pressure points. A harder hit to a human in that spot will cause them to temporarily lose motor control of their legs. Useful if you don't want to kill, but need them out of commission. Hit hard enough, and you can paralyze them permanently. All I have done is overload the nerves in that area. The effects are temporary, but effective."

Shepard leaned back and studied him. "The hands of a killer are those of a healer, as well. You have more than a few contradictions of your own, Thane. What are you really? Assassin, healer, priest?" Dark black eyes met hers unflinchingly.

"I could say the same about you. Leader, killer, sister, mother. Are you not each of those things to those under your command at one time or another?"

"Mother and sister? Hardly. I can't be. I have to be the Commander. That's what people expect."

Thane disagreed. "One does not preclude the other. I would say you are as much mother as leader to Grunt. And for Jack, you reach out a sisterly hand."

Shepard's thoughts flashed to the crew, the ones from Cerberus as well as the specialists she had recruited. It was true in a way. Jack, Joker, even Miranda and Jacob felt like siblings, the kind you couldn't pick but would always have your back. Garrus was her best friend and the only one she'd want by her side when she walked through hell. Thane would be...well, the feeling she had toward him wasn't at all sisterly. Friends, yes, but something more. Potentially something much more intimate, and the realization made her stomach flip. She realized she'd been staring at him for too long and blinked as she looked away. "I, uh...your analogy breaks down when you carry it out. I mean, Mordin. What would he be? My genius but eccentric uncle?"

Thane gave a graceful shrug of his shoulders. "Any analogy will only go so far. I merely wanted to call your attention to something you do almost unconsciously now."

She smiled and shook her head. "I don't know if I want to think about it. What I've been doing works. If I start consciously trying to treat Jack or Miranda as a sister, I have an unhappy feeling it will blow up in my face." An unwelcome memory of Kaidan rejecting her back on Horizon came to the fore. No, she needed to keep her relationships professional, and that included a certain drell, she told herself. She looked up to see him studying her intently, and she wondered what he could read from her expression. Time to get away from this dangerous subject. "Anyway, I hear you had some less than complimentary things to say about your Commander's performance today."

The assassin accepted the change in conversation graciously. "Not at all. I merely pointed out that in comparison to your marksmanship and biotic skills, your hand to hand is...lacking."

Shepard laughed. "So diplomatic. Much more polite than my drill sergeant. I used to be much better at it, I admit. But as I went through the N program, I just focused more on using my biotics to push the bad guys back and use my weapons to finish them off. I prefer my chaos at a distance."

"The battlefield is chaotic enough. I much prefer to control the circumstances. The closer you are, the fewer options they have, and those you can control. Plus there is the psychological advantage of close-in combat. Few people are prepared for it. Like you, they prefer to kill at a distance."

Now she eyed him in suspicion. "You're not going to stop until I admit I need some more practice, are you?"

Thane leaned back in his chair and quirked a small smile in her direction. "I would be honored to teach you what I know when you are recovered."

"Well, I don't suppose I could find a better teacher," she admitted with a smile. "It's a deal. Soon as Chakwas clears me, I'm all yours." She realized what she said and suddenly flushed with embarrassment. Maybe he wouldn't catch the unintentional innuendo. From the way his smile grew, it didn't look like she was that lucky, but suddenly, she didn't mind.

"I look forward to it, Shepard."

"Me, too, Thane." And for a wonder, she really was.


	4. Reflections

It had been nearly two months since Thane had been recruited by the infamous Commander Shepard. Since then, his world had been upended more times than he could count. He had watched as Shepard forged her crew into something more than a collection of talented individuals. They were a team with a purpose. They were a family with Shepard at their head.

Shepard had taken him with her and Grunt to Tuchanka to help Grunt pass his initiation into adulthood. She told him she liked the team dynamic of him and Grunt. Sitting in the safety and solitude of Life Support, Thane allowed the memories to wash over him. Tuchanka's sun beat down brutally onto the destroyed arena. Columns of crumbling steel reached for the sky like skeletal fingers clawing up from the dusty ground. The krogan pacing anxiously, urging the Commander to hit the keystone and start the Rite. The Commander ignoring him in favor of scouting around the arena, noting heat sinks and medkits, but leaving them in place. Her armor gleaming white under the yellow sun, her assault rifle speaking in three-shot clips as the three of them easily dispatched the varren. At the end, she didn't even waste her ammo, simply hauling back and punching them. Two strikes and the varren lay cooling at her feet.

Even the klixen didn't faze her. Shepard's voice was cool and calm over the comm link as she directed Grunt to her flank and himself to the stairs to make maximum use of his sniper rifle. She was always aware of her surroundings and her abilities. Thane's heart had nearly beat out of his chest as he watched her hold ground to make sure she took down her target even as a klixen flamed her, then leaping out of the way just as her shields failed, taking cover until they regenerated. His sniper rifle had decreed death to the klixen that dared to attack his Commander.

There was an eerie silence broken by the krogan declaiming the glory of his race. Thane had ignored it as meaningless noise, scanning the arena for the next threat. Shepard and Grunt had reloaded, and Grunt was once again urging Shepard to hurry up. For the first time, she seemed on edge, her helmeted head scanning the arena just as he was. Thane heard again the sound of the keystone scraping rock against rock as Shepard struck it. Then a deepening rumbling, one that shook small stones on the ground and stirred up the chalky dust.

"Thresher maw!" she yelled into the comm link. "Thane, by me. Grunt, flank right. Heavy caliber. Aim for its mouth when it spits. Watch for the venom!" She swapped to her own sniper rifle and took a shot.

Thane rolled off the stairs and took cover with Shepard behind one of the columns. He had heard stories, but nothing could prepare him for the sheer size and menace of the thing.

"Watch for the venom spit," Shepard warned over the comm. "We're safe otherwise on this rock. It can't get to us. Keep to cover and take it down." Her voice was so calm, as if victory were predetermined. Maybe in her mind, it was. Thane took his cue from her and settled into battle mode. There existed only the target, his rifle, and the environment to work with. He and Shepard both ducked from cover to cover, using their sniper rifles to pick away at the giant maw's defenses. She had been right. The maw couldn't close on them, and it gave warning before it spit. Easy to avoid, but one by one, they were losing the flimsy columns that provided their cover.

He had been keeping his attention on the maw and on Shepard, and was surprised when Grunt charged toward the stone precipice, firing his shotgun nonstop. Apparently Shepard had been surprised, too. Her voice was sharp, pitched higher than usual. "Grunt, use your cover, you idiot!" The krogan had failed to dodge in time and was knocked to his back. He was easy prey for the maw's next attack, and Shepard realized it, too. "Thane, cover us!"

Thane knew what she intended as soon as she spoke. When she ran right, he strafed left, firing continuously at the maw and working his way to one of the remaining columns. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shepard running as fast as she could at the stunned krogan adolescent. Just before she reached him, she leaned backward and slid into the krogan, feet first. She had enough momentum and mass to shove the kid into cover, and Thane reached his own shelter just in time.

He heard her voice over the comm. She wasn't giving orders; she was fuming and speaking out loud. "I've had enough of this fucking worm." As Thane reloaded, he saw Shepard unlock the Cain. "Come on, beastie. Stick that ugly head up again." The maw complied, and Shepard stepped out, aiming the Cain right for its head. To Thane, the Cain seemed to take an eternity to spin up. Once again, he fired as he ran to his left, trying to keep the maw's attention on him and not on the bright, white target of his Commander.

This whole situation was completely new to him. He was used to working in the shadows, being the unseen hand of death, relying only on his skills to accomplish the job and get him out safely. And now, he was dodging a monster under the unforgiving sunlight, doing his best to protect a krogan youth and a human woman determined to save the galaxy. Strangest of all, he found himself delighting in the challenges. How could he adapt his preferences for shadows to this open arena with broken columns? How could he transform his pride at saving innocents to a determination to protect those he now called teammates? Just when he thought the story of his life was written, the gods had shown fit to give him a new chapter. They must have a sense of humor.

He ducked behind the column, one of only three remaining upright, just as the Cain fired. "Got you, you fucker!" Shepard shouted. The maw weaved unsteadily. Its head was nearly torn in half, but its primitive brain was still functioning. "Grunt, finish it off. Prove you're worthy of Clan Urdnot."

The krogan youth yelled as he charged to the edge of the stone arena. His heavy shotgun whumped over and over as he unloaded an entire heat sink of ammo into the monster worm's mouth. Thane watched as the maw exploded, coating the youth in gore. Even Shepard didn't escape, but it didn't seem to bother her, aside from wiping the ichor off her visor. He saw her walk over and throw an arm around the young krogan. "Way to go, kiddo. I'm proud of you. We actually took down a thresher maw! Thane, where are you?" He stepped out into the open and approached the pair. She threw her other arm around his waist and hugged tight. "That'll make a hell of a story to tell Wrex. With the two of you at my side, we're unstoppable." She hugged him again, and he could hear the smile in her voice, even if he couldn't see it through her helmet.

Her good mood stayed even as the rival clan made their move. She was so proud of Grunt, and the krogan could feel it. He turned down their offer, and they made short work of the rival clan.

His memory flashed forward to when they returned to the shuttle and EDI informed Shepard of the multiple mating offers. He hadn't thought anything would embarrass his Commander, but he had been wrong. Her cheeks had flushed pink as she stammered a rejection through EDI. Grunt had stayed behind, only too happy to accept the mating offers that came to him, so it had just been him and Shepard on the shuttle back to the Normandy. She had grinned at him in the shuttle. "Damn, Thane. That was amazing. I took a maw down once, but I was in a Mako. I never thought we could do the same on foot. I thought we'd be lucky just to make it to the end of the countdown."

His reply, puzzled. "But Shepard, you acted with such confidence. How did you not think we would succeed?"

She winked at him. "Secret of command, Thane. Never let on if you're scared or unsure. Make a decision and move forward. Most of the time, you can make things work out right, but you have to be confident."

Confidence. It was that same confidence that made him turn to her for help when he got the message about his son. After what he had seen of his Commander, he wanted that same confidence on his side as he attempted to stop Kolyat from following in his footsteps. He had prayed to the gods that she would listen to him, would be willing to help him, and she had.

His memories skipped like a stone on a still pond. The thought of how close he had come to losing his son made it too painful to dwell on the memories for long. He saw drops of blood fly from Kelham's mouth as Shepard forced him to talk, frightening in her intensity with red eyes glowing and fire on her skin. A flash of white armor on the catwalk. Her voice crying out his son's name, distracting him from the kill. How his breath froze when he saw Kolyat with the pistol pressed to Talid's head, and he only started breathing again when Shepard shot the lamp and punched Kolyat. His heart broke when he confessed his sins to his son after all these years, and broke again when tears started flowing down Kolyat's face. A father should protect his children, not cause them pain and hardship.

Skip ahead to their first painful, tentative talk in the C-sec briefing room. Kolyat refused to look at him. Then the flood of accusations, angry gestures, hurtful words. Thane winced again, remembering. His slow explanations, telling Kolyat what he had never wanted to, reliving the descent into darkness all over again. His broken but sincere apology.

And now the memories came easier. Kolyat admitting that he would have done the same thing if he could. Not an acceptance of his father's abandonment, but an understanding. Asking about his current mission, shock at finding out that he had been taken down by the actual Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, learning his father was part of an elite team. Thane explaining his goal, his one desire - to make the universe a brighter place for his son.

The silence had settled long and heavy. Kolyat had bowed his head, apparently lost in thought. Thane waited with the forced patience of decades of training. His son finally came to a decision. He wanted to know more about his father, learn what time had stolen from him, and to see his mother again through different eyes, but not yet. Kolyat would serve his sentence and hope that they would be able to speak again before they were parted forever.

Thane remembered the elation that rushed through him when Shepard told him of the deal she had brokered with Bailey. Not only would his son escape prison, but there would be a surrogate father figure to give him guidance when Thane could not. It hurt to think of another in his place, but Thane had to accept that he had forfeited his right to be Kolyat's father in any meaningful sense of the word, and would be grateful for what access to his son's life he could have now. And perhaps this Bailey's advice would be acceptable where the same words coming from Thane would not.

His thoughts lingered on one final moment with his son, when Kolyat had stood and offered him a handshake and a whispered farewell for his journey. No longer a boy, his son had grown to a man. Thane desperately hoped the gods would continue to be generous to his family, and he bowed his head to pray to Arashu to guide Kolyat toward the light.

His door chimed. At this hour of night, there was only one likely candidate. He rose to answer the door, and as expected, Shepard stood outside with a new model in her hands. "Got a few minutes?" she asked.

"For you, Shepard, I have all the time in the world," he answered warmly and gestured her into his quarters.

* * *

A/N: Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who read and favorited and followed. And a special adoring thank you to those who left reviews. They really do make my little heart skip and sing.


	5. An Eye For An Eye

There were times where being the Commander of a private frigate just wasn't worth the hassle, Shepard thought to herself as she sighed and tossed another data pad on her desk. She was still working her way through requisitions and upgrade plans, even though they'd been docked at the Citadel for over two hours now. At least she'd already handled the leave assignments. Everyone was granted seventy-two hours leave with a skeleton crew left onboard to manage security. Jack had bolted practically as soon as the docking clamps engaged, followed shortly by Mordin, Jacob and Miranda.

Her door chimed and she called "Enter," without bothering to look around. Garrus' rough voice teased her. "Haven't you finished those reports yet? How long do you plan to keep me waiting around? Come on, we've got to go get you some new armor. And then you can repay the favor by keeping me company while I look for a new scope, eh?"

Shepard finally turned around to see Garrus leaning up against her empty fish tank. He was wearing his armor still scarred from the battle on Omega. She huffed and stretched her legs out in front of her. "Looks like you need a new set almost as badly as I do."

"Nah," he said with a shake of his head. "But I have business in the same section of Zakera Ward as you're headed to. Figured I might as well keep you company."

"Alright, but I've got more than just armor to order. Hell, maybe I can even find some fish for that thing," waving at the empty tank that took up the whole wall.

"Didn't figure you for a pet person, Shepard. Unless you went for a pet varren, maybe. But fish?"

She reached out a hand, and Garrus caught it and pulled her to her feet. They made their way to the docking port at a slow pace, chatting about the pros and cons of Elkoss Combine vs Sirta vs Devlon for her new armor. The CIC deck was manned by a skeleton crew, and even Joker had taken advantage of shore leave.

Their first stop was the Alliance Armory Outfitters in Zakera Ward. The shopkeeper flipped between awe that a Spectre and N7 officer, the Hero of the Citadel, no less, was in his shop, and frustration that his records kept showing her as dead. "I'm sorry, Commander Shepard, but I can't sell you the N7 armor. You aren't on the approved list."

"Look, Kevin, my biometrics match, right? You agree that I'm Commander Shepard, not an imposter?"

"Oh yes, ma'am. It's a perfect match, but the system insists that you're...um...deceased. Two years ago. And it won't authorize the armor request unless everything is checked." Kevin looked quite distressed as he told her this.

"Then just go in there and make a note that I'm not dead, that it was a government mix-up. You supply the Alliance, so I know you deal with government snafus all the time." Shepard was holding on to her temper by a thread at this point.

"Well, that would work in most cases, but the Alliance is very strict about the sale of N7 armor. You know how many people we get in here trying to buy a set who don't have the right? I mean, there's this guy, Conrad, who comes in at least once a week trying to buy a set."

"But I do have the right, Kevin. You've already admitted that I'm Commander Shepard and that I have the right to wear the N7 designation. So just fill out the damn requisition." She took a deep breath and smiled at him. "Please."

"Why bother, Shepard?" Garrus asked. He had been lounging against the wall, looking at something on his omni-tool. "We can get stuff just as good, maybe better, from Spiriosi Armor a couple blocks over. None of this bureaucratic BS, either."

"It matters, Garrus. You have no idea what I went through to complete the N7 program. And I want people to know it's me, it's Shepard, when they face me. I want that psychological advantage." She turned back to the clerk. "Look, can't you put a note in there about deep cover, only partly dead, something like that? I don't care what you do, but I need that armor, and I need it today. Look, you do this for me, I'll even be willing to give you a promo. You can get a recording of me saying this is my favorite store on the Citadel. That would be good for your business, right? And you know the paperwork will eventually catch up. So what do you say, Kevin?"

Apparently her offer was tempting enough to overcome his reservations about irregular paperwork. He even threw in a discount on her armor, which made her happy. She needed every credit they could get to upgrade the Normandy and its crew, even if Cerberus was footing most of the bill. Finally, another hour later, she'd been fitted for two sets and picked out the pieces she wanted, including some upgrades on the weave and medigel application. Kevin promised to have the armor delivered to the Normandy by that evening.

"God, I hate paperwork," she muttered as they finally made their way out of the store. "Maybe after a couple hundred more years, we'll get past the need for all this crap."

"Not if you go by the turian Hierarchy as any example," Garrus replied dryly. "We've been in space for a hell of a lot longer, and I dare say we have just as much paperwork as the Alliance."

Shepard sighed. "Too bad. The power to fly between stars, and we're still checking meaningless boxes on meaningless forms. Must be in our DNA."

They continued shopping, ordering fresh supplies for Gardner, including plenty of dextro foods for Garrus. "I'm sure you're tired of turian MRE's," Shepard commented to him.

"Oh, I don't know. Freeze-dried _partae _steak with _halak _spice every day for a month? Yeah, okay, it'll be nice to eat something that doesn't come out of a foil pouch."

"Least I can do for ya, buddy," she grinned and bumped up against his arm as she skipped down the walkway. "Hey, fish! Come on, I gotta check this out!"

Garrus stared at her in surprise as she headed into a pet store. "I thought you were kidding," he called after her.

"Heck no. There's nothing more depressing than that great big tank being completely empty. If they designed it in, I might as well put some fish in it, have something to look at."

"I can think of one thing more depressing," Garrus replied. "A tank full of dead fish because you forgot to feed them."

"I won't forget," she promised as she turned back to peruse the selection.

Garrus watched in bemusement as she picked out a few different kinds and set up delivery to the Normandy. "What's next?" he asked. "A hamster?"

"Ugh, no! Why would I want a rodent running around the place?"

""And that's different from fish how?"

"Because the fish won't get out and run across my bed at night," she answered with a shudder. "I hate rodents!"

"Spoken like a true spacer," he chuckled.

She insisted on eating dinner out with him. They found a bar that catered to both the dextro and the levo crowd, and soon they were swapping service stories over pints of beer. It took about six pints, but she finally got from him how he'd ended up on Omega.

"After the SR1 went down and they had your funeral, I went back to C-sec. Applied for the Spectres again, but didn't get in. I think my father pulled some strings to keep me out." He scowled and finished off his glass. Shepard signaled for refills and pushed a bowl of _taguor _nuts toward him, but she didn't talk, not wanting to interrupt.

"It just all seemed so damn meaningless suddenly. We'd beaten Saren, stopped Sovereign, but the threat was still coming. And no one, not the Council, not C-sec, and especially not the criminals, seemed to care. Nothing changed. They put your face on the recruiting posters, but no one talked about the Reapers. I'd put one drug dealer away, and the next day, there'd be someone to take his place. People still kept murdering each other, kids were getting lost in the system. Just couldn't see the point of continuing, but I didn't know what else to do. My family has always upheld the Law, one way or another. Cops, judges, lawyers. I wanted to be a Spectre to bring justice to the galaxy, and then even that was taken from me." He hooked his talons around his new glass and took a deep drink. "I remember walking home after my shift one night. I never made it to my apartment. There was a disturbance a block over. I heard the shouting, screaming. A couple of shots fired. Saw a human running flat out away from the scene. I went after him, grabbed his arm and started to drag him back to the crime scene, but he's screaming about his rights. Then the C-sec patrol shows up, and all they do is take his statement, then let him go. Found out later that it was a gang hit. Another human murdered, a volus shot by accident. Better than average odds that the patrol that showed up was on the take, paid to look the other way. Made me sick. There's just enough Law here on the Citadel that those with money and power can use it to protect themselves, and the ones who are supposed to protect the innocent are tied up in red tape and regulations. So I decided to bring the Law, the true spirit of justice, to the one place in the galaxy that needed it the most. I headed to Omega. Don't guess I thought much beyond that. I just had to do something to make a difference, to live up to your memory, Shepard." He raised his glass to her, and she silently raised hers back. "Damn glad to have you back, though."

"Damn glad to be back, Garrus."

* * *

The next morning, Shepard was admiring her new fish and giving thanks that her new cybernetics apparently mitigated the worst effects of a hangover. The other packages had been delivered. Gardner was ecstatic at the new supplies, almost as much as the lines of credit she'd opened so he could order what he needed whenever they were docked at the Citadel. She'd given him express orders to stock up on as much fresh fruit and vegetables as practical. As a lifelong spacer, she rarely got fresh food and hunted it out whenever she made it planetside.

In her quarters, her new armor was stored in her locker. Besides the gleaming white, she'd taken Thane's advice and ordered one that was matte black, for those times when she might want to operate in stealth mode. She chuckled. Yeah, like that was ever going to happen. But at least this time, if something happened, she had a spare.

She sat in her chair, staring at her fish, and flexed her knee experimentally. Another thing to be thankful for, apparently. The surgery had gone well, and with the cybernetic enhancements, she'd healed in record time. She was torn again between feeling grateful to Cerberus for the cybernetics and being resentful at doing their bidding. But in the silence of her own mind, she felt like she was being petty. They were doing what the Alliance and the Council weren't, and she realized, that's what hurt most of all. That a pro-human terrorist group had a better grasp of reality than any of the governments out there.

"Bah," she said to herself. It's only the second day of shore leave. Two more days to finish with some of the upgrades that Joker wanted, and she was moping around in her cabin. She decided to head down to the hangar bay to get in a workout and test out her knee and then go sightseeing on the Citadel. Then she was going to drag anyone remaining on board out for drinks.

Her first week on the Normandy SR2 she'd had the crew set up a gym in the back of the hangar bay. Some makeshift weights, a jury rigged punching bag and an area cleared out for sparring practice. It wasn't much, but she'd been on plenty of ships with less. She made a mental note to order some new equipment later today while they were still docked.

Shepard had just started getting warmed up when Garrus stepped out of the elevator. She took one look at his face and stilled the punching bag. "What's wrong, Garrus?"

"Shepard, I need your help." He paced back and forth, waving one hand in the air as he talked. She'd never seen him so distraught. "You remember me telling you about Omega and the group I had there? How we were betrayed?" She nodded silently.

I found a lead, Shepard. He went to ground here in the Citadel, courtesy of someone called Fade. We track down Fade and make him give us Sidonis." Garrus was pacing back and forth, then stopped suddenly and stared at her. "I need you with me on this, Shepard."

She nodded again. "Of course, Garrus. I've got your back, but just..." She trailed off, then shook her head. He wasn't willing to listen to her right now. Time to track down Fade, see if they could find Sidonis and then see what would happen. "Just let me get my gear. I'll meet you in the airlock."

In her cabin, she slipped into her compression suit and snapped the new armor into place. "Let's hope I don't actually need it today," she muttered under her breath. Louder, "EDI, which of my squad members are back on board?"

"Dr. Solus, Grunt, and Thane Krios, Shepard. Jacob, Miranda, and Jack are still on the Citadel."

It was an easy decision, really. She needed someone else on her team in case things got rough. Grunt was too volatile to take into the Citadel unless it was an emergency. Mordin would have been good, but in this case, she wanted someone with the moral background and steady composure that could handle a possible assassination. She had no intention of letting Garrus take that shot, but she knew it would be damn hard to talk him out of it. "Ask Thane to meet us at the airlock for a mission, please."

"Acknowledged. Logging you out, Shepard."

She stopped in the armory long enough to grab her favorite assault rifle and the Collector beam weapon. She didn't know how it worked, but it was a damn useful weapon. Jacob had been studying it for weeks now, but was no closer to figuring out what made it tick. Pity. She wished she could manufacture dozens of them.

When she reached the airlock, Thane was already there, waiting with an air of patience and appearing carved from stone. Garrus, on the other hand, was pacing in the small space, and growled at her as she walked in. "Why's _he _going with us?" he demanded.

She stared him down and her voice went icy. "Because lately it seems like everything has been going sideways at the worst possible moment, and I want some extra firepower. You want my help, we do it my way." She shouldered past him to trigger the decontamination cycle. Her unvoiced thought continued, _"and maybe, just maybe, someone else to help me talk you down."_

It was all she could do to keep Garrus in line as they intimidated the volus who was Fade's contact, and when they encountered mercenary opposition on their way to confront Fade, aka Harkin, an old washout from C-Sec, she noticed that Garrus was back in Archangel mode. Silent, his anger buried deep, and deadly accurate with his rifle. Thane was backing her up on the other side. Shepard was in the center, causing chaos and destruction all around her, bringing every one of her Sentinel skills to bear as she alternately overloaded mechs, used her biotics to strip the mercs' shields, and then dropped them with her SAR. Garrus and Thane took out the long distance targets, leaving her with her wild melee in the middle. Between the three of them, they carved a swath of destruction through the cargo decks to Harkin's office.

Harkin crumbled easily under Garrus' interrogation and set up a meet with Sidonis, but again, she had to pull Garrus back and keep him from shooting the man in the leg. She ignored the head butt he gave to Harkin as they left; all the turian's anger had to go somewhere and at least Harkin would only need an aspirin, not knee surgery.

As they headed for the Orbital Lounge, she could feel the energy from both her teammates radiating at her back. Garrus' was angry, loud, like a physical presence beating on her armor. Thane was quiet, but with so much confidence that it felt like a barrier field surrounding him. Garrus obviously had something to say to her, and the silence in the aircar got more and more oppressive. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "Spit it out, Vakarian."

He turned his bright blue raptor's eyes on her and his mandibles twitched in agitation. "You're going soft, Shepard."

She glared at the cars in front of her and snapped, "Don't you dare, Vakarian. You are this close to going off the deep end, and I'm trying to keep you from drowning."

"You've been pulling my teeth since we started this," he accused, using an old turian saying for being made useless. "Bringing him," a thumb jerked to the back seat at the assassin, "stopping me with the volus, then Harkin."

"That's right. Because this is the Citadel, not fucking Omega, and we don't go around killing and shooting anyone we want. You're supposed to uphold the Law, Garrus. You can't do that if you turn into a cold-blooded killer." She was keenly aware of Thane in the backseat as she talked, but she had to get through Garrus' thick skull somehow.

"You going to try and stop me from taking out Sidonis?" he rasped.

'Yes." Short and harsh. "This isn't you, Garrus. I don't want you to lose your soul to vengeance." Softer now. "You're better than this. There's a light in you and I don't want that to go out."

"Then why are you still driving toward the Orbital Lounge?"

"Because this has to be your decision." She bit the words off, not looking at him. "I think you're wrong, Garrus, dead wrong. I think this will hurt you in the long run, but I can't take this decision away from you."

"And how is this different from Dr. Saleon?" he grated out. His voice escalated as he kept talking. "You and me, we went after him two years ago. He was just as dirty, turning his patients into walking test tubes. You encouraged me to take the damn shot, Shepard, and I did."

"I was wrong!" The words reverberated around the aircar, hanging in the air. Garrus sat back, surprised. "I was wrong then, Garrus. I may have had the authority to do that, but that didn't make it right. Laws exist for a reason. People deserve a chance to be heard. Yeah, he was slime, and he was responsible for all those deaths, but we could have taken him in, turned him over to C-sec or STG." She drove past several more blocks before she spoke again. "Everyone deserves a second chance, Garrus. Whether or not they make anything of it, that's up to them."

"And what about the ten good men he betrayed? Where's their second chance, Shepard? He doesn't deserve to keep living." Garrus crossed his arms and didn't say anything else for the rest of the trip. Shepard took one quick look in the rear view mirror. Thane looked back, his expression giving nothing away. She couldn't tell if he approved or if she had mortally offended him.

All too soon, they reached the Orbital Lounge. As they climbed out, Shepard tried one more time. "You still going through with this?"

He looked around and nodded toward the catwalk. "I'll be up there. You draw him out in the middle of the room so I can take the shot." His voice was emotionless, as empty as the expression in his eyes. She looked at him until he turned away and headed toward his would-be sniper perch. She nodded at Thane, and the assassin followed him soundlessly.

"I'm in position, Shepard."

With a heavy step, she walked into the lounge. She spotted Sidonis immediately. The turian had a haunted look, and his eyes were dead.

She beckoned him over and deliberately placed herself in Garrus' line of fire. "Damnit, Shepard, you're blocking my shot."

"Garrus, you're better than this," she said into her communicator.

Sidonis' eyes widened. "Garrus? He found me?" The turian slumped as if some vital spark went out. "I always knew he would find me someday. Might as well be today. Just let him kill me."

"No," Shepard said to both of them. "Killing him doesn't do anything to bring back those ten men. It doesn't honor their memories. It just adds more blood to the count."

Garrus growled into her earpiece, "Shepard, he deserves this more than Saleon. Because of him, ten good men, ten friends, ten people who counted on me are dead!" By the end, he was practically shouting into his communicator, and even Sidonis could make out the words.

"Tell him he's right," Sidonis said in a monotone. "It was my fault. The mercs caught me, tortured me to make me talk. I tried to hold out, but ...I'm only a man. I'm not Archangel. I see their faces every time I close my eyes."

"He should have held out," Garrus grated. "Should have found a way."

"Look at him, Garrus. He's dead already. His spirit has fled, and he's just a walking husk. You want to punish him, let him live with what he's done." There was a pause, and Shepard held her breath, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Garrus was considering her words. It felt like the whole world was slowing down, waiting to see what her friend would decide.

She heard the distinctive whine of a sniper rifle closing up. "Tell him to get out of here," Garrus snarled with poor grace.

"Go on, Sidonis. Garrus has given you a second chance. Don't waste it." She stood her ground between him and Garrus a moment longer.

"Yeah, I...I will." Sidonis looked stunned. "I can never make it right, but I'll do something." He turned away and half stumbled, half ran to the lounge exit. Shepard watched him go and felt like a weight fell away from her chest. Garrus wasn't lost to her, and in that moment, that was all that mattered. She bowed her head and whispered a silent thanks.

She saw Garrus and Thane coming back to the aircar. She could see how Garrus was holding his anger in, walking stiffly and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Thane was as economical of movement as ever. He gave her a small nod that Garrus couldn't see, and while he didn't smile, his demeanor was relaxed. His fingers grazed over her arm as he got into the car as if to reassure her that everything would be alright.

Garrus refused to meet her eyes, and she could tell he was still furious with her for blocking his shot. "I know you want to talk about it, Shepard, but I don't." She nodded back to him and got into the car without saying a word. All she could do was give him time and space. The trip back to the Normandy was long and tense, but Shepard couldn't help but feel a thread of joy running through her. Things would work out. Garrus could never stay mad for long, and Thane ...well, if she was being honest with herself, no small part of her joy was due to the intriguing drell assassin. There was something between them, and she didn't know what it was, but she was looking forward to figuring it out.

* * *

A/N: I know I said I wouldn't do many scenes from the game, but this leads to developments in the next chapter that are important. I added some other interesting and fun scenes in here too, just because I was having fun with this part.


	6. A Welcome Ray Of Light

Three days later, they were en route to Illium, and Shepard was having a bad day. They'd been delayed two extra days at the Citadel because it had taken much longer to complete the upgrades to the Normandy than expected. She made Miranda handle the extra docking fees and deal with Cerberus. Then she'd had to go to C-sec to bail Jack out of jail after a particularly rowdy night at some dive in lower Zakera Ward. C-sec and Citadel Authority had been upset enough about the damages that they had forbidden her from setting foot on the Citadel again while they were docked, which left Jack rampaging across the ship. Out of desperation, she'd forced a training program on her crew and had paired Grunt and Jack together often enough for them to beat some of that aggression out of each other.

To top it off, Garrus was still not talking to her. He'd holed up in the battery, claiming that he was busy with the hardware installation every time she stopped in. He still hadn't forgiven her for stopping him with Sidonis. Or maybe he hadn't forgiven himself for acknowledging that he had a soul. She didn't know, and worse, she didn't know how to get through his thick skull. Garrus was like her brother, and seeing him so upset was tearing her apart. She wanted to just go in the Battery and yell at him until he changed his mind, but she knew that would only drive him further away. She'd have to wait until he saw the light on his own.

They were headed back to Illium to pick up an asari Justicar. She and Miranda had gone over the dossier last night, and Shepard was cautiously optimistic. If they could get a Justicar to join their team, they'd have some serious biotic firepower that wouldn't come with all the emotional baggage of their tiny, angry psychotic holed up in Engineering.

In the meantime, she headed to the hangar bay to work out her anger in their new and improved gym. It still didn't amount to much, but at least they had a couple of treadmills, some weights, and a punching bag that was certified to be "krogan-proof." She had her doubts, and had ordered a couple extra, just in case. Ken Donnelly and his engineering team had reinforced the plating around the area so they could safely practice biotic attacks as well. She was pleased to see the place was empty; now she could beat on things to her heart's content without scaring the crew. Plus it would be the first chance she'd had to really test out her new cybernetics and enhancements in a controlled environment as well as check that her knee was fully healed.

She called up some music by a favorite band of hers, Mercury Scythe. Pounding drumbeats and wailing guitars filled the space. Shepard turned the volume up as loud as she could and started warming up on the punching bag. Usually physical activity settled her down, but ever since her resurrection, she'd felt wrong, as if something were off, but she couldn't figure out what it was. Today, instead of descending into her normal icy groove of clarity in combat, everything seemed out of kilter. Her punches were coming too fast, hitting the bag before the rest of her body was ready, and therefore lacking the power she expected. "Bring me back exactly as I was, my ass," she muttered as the sweat dripped off her face. "Not with all these cybernetics. Increased speed, increased healing, armor weave in my skin. Not even human anymore." She punched the bag again with a right cross and again her timing was off, this time enough to jolt her wrist backward. "Motherfucker!" she spit.

That just triggered a whole slew of angry memories in her. The bag became a target for everything that was wrong in her world: angry Jack, perfect Miranda, teenager Grunt. Gradually the speed of her punches increased as she danced around the bag and it creaked on its chain as she slammed it back repeatedly. More memories came: being ordered to missions by the Illusive Man, the Council dismissing her claims, Udina's condescending tone.

The term "krogan-proof" drifted through her consciousness at one point, and she wondered if it was "Shepard-proof." She decided to put it to the test and tried to drag her errant thoughts back to her body, back to actual training instead of turning over old wounds. It worked for a bit. Her punches and kicks started smoothing out, and her timing improved. The bag was rocking violently under her assault now.

But the memories wouldn't stay down. Unbidden, she recalled an image of Garrus walking back to the air car, mandibles tight against his face with anger, refusing to even meet her eyes. "Stupid! Idiotic! Turian!" she yelled, punctuating each word with a punch right where his upper lip would be. His reaction felt like a betrayal, and the pain in that thought brought back an even worse memory, that of Kaidan accusing her of being a traitor and then walking out on her. Anger and hatred squeezed her heart, and she yelled in frustration as she hit the bag and then delivered a spinning roundhouse kick that sent it flying on its chain. Her form deteriorated as she delivered punch after punch to the bag, and she just wanted to destroy something. Without thinking, she raised both arms overhead and charged her biotics. Blue energy crackled over her arms as she hammered them down into the punching bag and discharged every bit of biotic power she had into a throw. The chain couldn't handle that much energy and snapped under the force, sending the bag flying against the wall with a satisfying thud.

Shepard bent over and put her hands on her knees, gasping for air with sweat running down her face and body.

"Feel better?"

Shepard whirled around in surprise, biotic energy wreathing her arms again as she fell into a defensive posture. She saw Thane lounging against the elevator bulkhead.

"Jesus jumping Christ, Thane! Don't sneak up on me like that." She released the posture, biotic energy crackling away into nothing. She stalked across the space and grabbed a towel for her face, pointedly ignoring the assassin.

"I thought this might be a good time to work on your hand to hand skills, Shepard. While no one would dispute your strength, your finesse still leaves something to be desired." A small smile quirked the corners of his lips, and she had the strangest feeling that he was trying to lift her spirits, but her dark mood had too strong of a grip right now.

"Don't test me, Thane," she growled. "I'm in no mood for it today."

He shook his head. "I merely seek to offer you a more challenging opponent than a punching bag, one that might also be able to teach you a few techniques."

She threw her towel across the room. "Game on, Krios. But don't expect me to take it easy on you," she threatened.

He shrugged out of his jacket. "I would expect nothing less, Shepard."

* * *

Thane slowly walked back to Life Support from the med bay. Dr. Chakwas had informed him that he needed to increase his physical activity to stimulate his lungs and maintain functionality, but that otherwise, there was no change in his condition. He thought back to his Commander's reluctant promise to practice sparring with him and decided that would be the most pleasurable way to increase his activity. He asked EDI where the Commander was.

"Commander Shepard is currently exercising in the hangar bay, Mr. Krios," she answered.

His initial surprise led to a smile. "Who else is with her, EDI?"

"She is alone."

Even better, he thought as he headed toward the elevator. He wasn't sure exactly what it was he felt for the human Commander. She constantly surprised him with her unpredictability. She could go from fiery anger to an icy command that stilled the most unruly member of her crew in a heartbeat. Her skills on the battlefield were superb, and yet she seemed to enjoy seeking out his company to talk about esoteric topics such as religion, philosophy, and history. She was nothing like the hard-nosed, narrow-minded soldier he had initially expected when he met her in Dantius Tower. She had drawn more of his personal history from him than anyone since Irikah. She had even diverted from their mission to help him save Kolyat, and for that alone, he would devote his skills and even his life to her cause. She stirred something in him that had been sleeping for many, many years, and to his surprise, he was happy about it.

The noise penetrated the elevator even before the doors opened. He stepped out into a wall of furious music that pounded painfully against his eardrums. Shepard was boxing against a large hanging bag. She hadn't heard him come in. Given the noise level in the hangar bay, he doubted she could hear a troop of elcor cavalry go by.

He leaned back against the bulkhead and just watched her, assessing her style. She was dressed in skin tight shorts and a midriff-baring top, and her hair, normally left to fall to her shoulders, was pulled back into a sleek ponytail. He let his gaze roam over her body. Alien, and yet not so different from drell. Curves that were typical of human females, but they weren't as exaggerated as Miranda's, and he could appreciate the solid muscles that rippled under the skin. This was the first time he'd ever seen her without armor or a uniform of some sort on. He was intrigued to see that the scarring wasn't limited to her face. Pale scars covered her entire body, white against her flushed skin. Under some of the scars he could see orange glows from her cybernetics. In a way, they reminded him of the markings typical of drell, except not as much contrast. Her skin was a study in subtle contrasts, and he spent some time tracing how her scars interconnected.

It didn't take long for him to deduce that she wasn't there to actually practice anything; she was boxing as a form of stress relief. There was no elegance in her form, nothing to indicate that she was giving thought to the movements or placement of her blows. This was simply brutal carnage inflicted on an inanimate object in lieu of her real target. He rather suspected he knew the identity of the one to whom her anger was directed, and a few minutes later, his guess was confirmed when he heard her yell "Stupid idiotic turian!" She must have been angrier than he'd originally guessed though, because a few minutes later, she ripped the bag from its mooring using her biotics. He also glimpsed a pain in her that he sensed she always kept hidden from others.

He was impressed with the precision of her biotic attack compared with the sloppiness of her physical ones, and wondered if her biotics training had been much harsher than her physical training. It seemed likely, given how rare biotics were in every race except the asari. Most races feared biotics and tended to treat them harshly, forcing a strict discipline in them concerning their use. His own training had been extremely harsh in every aspect, but it had resulted in very strict discipline and superb results in terms of fighting prowess.

Time to see if she would accept his offer of training. It might even get her mind off what was upsetting her. "Feel better?" he called, raising his voice to be heard over the pounding music. When she raised her biotics against him, he tensed, ready to spring out of the way, but outwardly he gave away nothing but the same calm confidence he always carried.

He sought to recall her to their conversation in the med bay several days ago. "I thought this might be a good time to work on your hand to hand skills, Shepard. While no one would dispute your strength, your finesse still leaves something to be desired."

She grudgingly agreed, and he took off his coat as he followed her to the sparring area. He saw her eyes flicker over his body. This was the first time he'd ever removed his coat while in her company, but given her lack of armor, he didn't feel it fair to keep his coat on. She wasn't even wearing shoes. She looked so much smaller without her armor on, but the look on her face was absolutely blank. She was assessing him as an opponent. He preferred to attack from the shadows as opposed to this face to face sparring, but he knew how to shake an opponent and gain an advantage. He let his calm deepen and simply waited.

Shepard didn't take the bait right away. She stood there, balanced on the balls of her feet, hands slightly away from her sides, watching him. The brief break had given her a chance to catch her breath. Thane had the sudden unsettling feeling that she was mimicking him, studying his style as opposed to simply attacking in her own. Still, he had a vast amount of patience, and he was rewarded when she moved first.

There was no warming up, no feeling out period. She attacked full speed and lightning fast with a jab to his face followed immediately with a roundhouse kick to his head, obviously trying to force him off balance and to the side. He deflected both easily, redirecting her movement as he spun in closer and jabbed an elbow in her stomach. She turned as well, so that his elbow skidded off. Shepard glided backward, keeping him away with a front kick.

He could feel the anger that still fueled her. This was no friendly match. She was looking for an opportunity to take out her frustration, and he had volunteered. That anger made her blind, though. She overreached, put herself off balance occasionally. He used the opportunity to glide in close and strike. He managed to land several heavy blows to her midsection, but to his surprise, they barely staggered her. And she was astonishingly fast to respond. After the first few blows got through, she adjusted her speed and was able to block most of the rest.

He had fought and killed many humans in his time. He knew their weaknesses, their strengths. He knew what Shepard should be capable of, but she was doing far, far more than he expected. Granted that she was taller and more muscular than the average human female, but she was showing a strength that put most human males to shame. And her reflexes were nearly as fast as his. Alliance gene mods, his brain flashed in a brief second. Common in human soldiers. Obviously, she'd been modified for fighting. She wasn't as clean and quick as she could be, though. Time and again, she would block, but it would be a shade slow, or her punch wouldn't line up correctly and lack power. They were small things, and she was holding her own against him, but he could feel that she was growing angrier every time he got through her defenses.

They traded blows and kicks for a few more seconds. Shepard used her feet almost as much as her hands, and they gave her a much longer reach. Once she lined everything up perfectly and snapped a side kick right when he couldn't avoid it. Thane grunted with the impact, knowing it would leave a bruise tomorrow.

Thane passed up on a few opportunities to strike, because they would have been too similar to a lethal blow and he couldn't take the chance that he would inadvertently hurt her. He saw an opening and closed with her, ready to put her in a headlock and force her arm behind her. Too late, he saw the flare of biotic energy and felt himself thrown backward across the space.

With inhuman grace, he spun and righted himself in the air, landing on both feet with knees bent. Immediately, he adjusted his assessment of her. She had changed the rules by adding biotics to the fight, and that throw had almost as much strength as many asari he had matched. He would have to change his strategy.

Instead of coming directly at her as before, he started circling, forcing her to turn constantly. It also put her more on the defensive, which actually allowed her to use her biotics more. She limited it to throws, for which he spared a second of thanks. He had no desire to spend the energy to ward off multiple warp attacks. He refused to retaliate in kind, though. His specialty was truly hand to hand, and he saved his biotic attacks for groups of enemies, so that he could take them out one by one.

On one attack, Shepard moved a little too slowly, and Thane was able to close. He grabbed her right wrist with the intent of twisting her arm behind her body, both cutting off her biotic use and forcing her to the ground. She immediately pulled against his grip, and when she couldn't pull her wrist completely free, she rolled onto her back, planted her bare feet into his solar plexus and flipped him over, while at the same time jerking her wrist into the weak spot of his grip where the thumb and fingers came together. She kipped back to her feet and spun around to face him. Thane again twisted and landed in a wide crouch. The air reeked with the bitter scent of ozone from the dark energy of biotics as he drew himself up and studied the Commander.

There were more evenly matched that he had expected. Every time he got close, she pushed him backward with her biotics, but he was better able to switch tactics, close in and deliver a stinging blow before she threw him back. And all the biotic attacks were taking their toll on Shepard. She was visibly tiring, and her reactions were slowing. Thane noticed in a small corner of his mind that some of the scars on her face and body were glowing orange, and her eyes had a reddish glow, but he couldn't spare any thought as to what caused the changes.

_Now_, he thought. _This is the time to end it._ Body and mind were honed to a knife edge, and as quickly as he thought it, his body reacted.

* * *

Shepard's mind screamed, _'Fuck me!_' when she first closed with the assassin. She remembered reading that drell had denser muscles than humans, but in their first impact, that little fact suddenly crystallized into meaning. He hit like a freight train, and hitting him back was akin to beating on a steel girder. She switched martial arts styles to one more flowing, meaning to redirect his attacks instead of taking the brunt of it on her arms and legs. Ribs, too. She kept her face absolutely blank, letting no sign of the pain building in her body show on her face. But her body was betraying her. She still didn't have the fine control that had been second nature to her. The moves that had been drilled into her over years of boot camp and N training were dulled.

_It isn't fair_, her mind complained. _One more thing that's wrong in your world, one more sign that you're not who you used to be._ She deflected a punch heading for her head and turned her momentum into a spinning kick aimed right back at him. He dodged like smoke, but at least he pulled back for a second. _Get your head in the game, Shep, or he'll wipe the floor with you. No, he won't! God, I'm arguing with myself in the middle of a fucking fight! I'm losing it!_

He was too close again, green fist headed in for another punishing blow, and without even thinking about it, she charged her biotics and threw him backward against the wall. What she saw next was the most amazing physical move she had ever seen in her life. Thane simply pulled his legs in and rotated in the air, landing with the grace and silence of a cat. There was no stumbling or wind milling to catch his balance, just a perfect three point landing like something out of an action vid. She checked to see if her mouth was hanging open. _Mother of god, he's gorgeous in action! _

She shook the inappropriate thought out of her head and waited to see if he'd retaliate with his own biotic attack. From what she'd seen, he knew the same moves, but his biotics were slightly less powerful than hers. Instead, he came at her from the side, clearly meaning to pin her arm and take her biotic attacks away. _Uh uh, mister_. She switched tactics to match, using her biotics more freely now to throw him back anytime he got close.

Shepard managed to keep him away for quite a while, even landing a few solid blows on the assassin in the process. The match had gone on long enough to drain her anger, and now she fought for the sheer thrill of it, for the competition, and because she would never back down from a challenge. He was damn fast, she'd give him that. But she thought she might be getting a handle on his style. She briefly thought about sweeping his legs, but just as quickly dismissed it. With his superior strength, she didn't want to grapple with him on the floor. _ Bodies intertwined, sweat-slicked skin moving against light green scales, still striving to see who can get the upper hand, crushing her mouth against his perfect lips, his hand grabbing a fist full of her hair, his lips running down her throat..._

Crap! Where did that thought come from? It drove a spike of heat down from her belly and she gasped. She lost her concentration for a split second, and that's when Thane struck. He lunged to her left and belatedly she spun toward him to block the attack she knew would be coming. Except it was a feint, and in another superhuman move, he reversed direction and flipped up and landed directly behind her. Before she could react, he jabbed stiff fingers into either side of her spine, just above her pelvis. Her legs went wobbly, and she felt him slam an open palm into her back, sending her tumbling awkwardly to the deck. She put her arms out to break her fall, and the second she touched the deck, Thane was on her. One knee was in the small of her back, and he grabbed both wrists and twisted them painfully behind her back.

Shepard yelled in anger and tried to twist her hips to throw him off, but without any leverage from her legs, it was impossible. Thane pulled up on her arms in warning, showing her that he could dislocate her shoulders easily in this position. With a defeated groan, she dropped her head to the cold deck and let the tension drain out of her body.

Thane immediately released his grip on her wrists and moved to sit on the floor next to her.

Shepard groaned as she rolled her shoulders and tucked her arms under her. She couldn't move her legs and had to settle for glaring up at him. "That was a low blow. How long's it going to take for feeling to come back to my legs?"

"Just a few minutes." There was a brief pause. "You're not as rusty as you led me to believe," he told her.

She snorted. "Just because I prefer to push my enemies back and kill them at a distance, don't assume that's all I ever learned. N training is a bitch, and we trained hand to hand every day in it." She pillowed her head on her arms. "But you're right. I am rusty. Things just aren't clicking like they should. Besides, don't think I didn't notice you pulling some punches."

"You were unarmored. I did not wish to cause permanent damage," he rumbled.

"The Savior of the Citadel thanks you for that," she drawled sarcastically. Privately, she was pleased. She hadn't thought she would last as long as she did against him, even if he was pulling some punches. "Next time I spar with you, I'm going to sew armor plates to my shirt to keep you from doing that again."

Thane smiled, as much as he ever did. "That would first require you to wear a shirt that actually covered your midsection," he pointed out. "Besides, I would just find another pressure point to attack. You would have to be in full armor to block most of them."

Shepard contemplated that. The odds of coming up against another assassin were low, but then again, given her life and record, it was practically guaranteed to happen tomorrow. That prompted her to ask, "Where?"

Thane blinked both sets of eyelids and focused on her face. He had been staring at her body, and she wondered if he had been lost in a memory. "Where what?"

"Where else would you get me?"

He stretched out one hand and lightly touched her back, just beneath her shoulder blades. "Here. It would hurt, and it would render your arm immobile for a short time." He walked his fingers down her spine, touching each protuberance of her vertebrae. "Any of these, especially with an elbow strike, would cause crippling pain."

Shepard couldn't stop the shiver that passed through her as he brushed his fingers over her bare back. Was there something wrong with her, that she was getting turned on when he was talking about inflicting pain? Or was it just the way his fingertips drifted over her slick skin?

Thane continued as he pressed on the spots he had just attacked, "I think I've demonstrated these points quite effectively, but a hard strike on the spine here can cause easily snap the back in humans and asari. And of course, a kick to the hamstrings will cause the target's muscle to seize up painfully." Sensation was starting to return to her legs, and she was inordinately glad, because it meant she could feel his rough hands gliding down her hamstring.

"With armor, assuming you weren't wearing a helmet, and you usually don't, I could render you unconscious by striking you here, here or here." His fingers brushed against her temple, her jaw and her upper lip. "Really, you should consider wearing a helmet instead of a visor in the field. Especially since you insist on charging headlong into the midst of the battle."

Oh holy hell. It took everything she had not to close her eyes and lean into his touch, and there was no way she could keep her breathing from speeding up again. Thane's touch was reminding her very painfully that she hadn't felt another's touch in nearly six months, subjective time. Thane was everything she found attractive. He was intelligent, physically gorgeous, strong in his convictions, a deadly fighter, even his spirituality tugged at her, and when he talked, his voice felt like rough silk to her ears.

_Keep it together, Shep,_ she told herself. _You don't even know if he's interested. He might still be pining for his wife, he may think humans are too weird for sex. Wait a minute, who mentioned sex! _ She groaned and dropped her head to the deck, breaking eye contact with the glorious drell sitting next to her.

She had to come up with something to say that would distract her from her thoughts. "Seems to me that you've proven my point that the best strategy is to keep my opponent far away from me."

"And I think I've proven mine that you can never keep them all away. Eventually, someone will get close to you."

"Bad thing happen when people get too close to me," she whispered. "Both to them and to me."

"You're a dangerous woman, Shepard. It would take someone special to stand up to you."

She looked up again and was lost in his large black eyes. Were they still talking about fighting? "That's why I stand alone. The only one I can count on is myself."

"What about Garrus?" he asked softly.

She tilted her head to the side, then gave a minuscule nod. "Garrus, Tali, Wrex. You're right. I can count on them. We went through hell together chasing Saren, and we were all there for each other." She winced as she remembered Ashley and Kaidan. One she'd left behind to die, and the other had proven he was more concerned with his honor than with the team they'd built during that mission, or the relationship she thought they'd had. "But Tali and Wrex have moved on, and Garrus is being an asshole right now."

"You did the right thing for him, Shepard." Thane's words dropped into the quiet between them like pebbles in a still pond. "Killing in anger, for vengeance, is not something to be undertaken lightly. It leaves a darkness on your soul that can never be erased."

She could hear the regret in his voice as she considered her answer. "There's too much darkness on Garrus' soul already, and I'm responsible for a lot of it. If there was any way to keep him from adding to it, then I had to do it. He was so in awe of me when we met." A very small smile touched her lips as she thought back. "Well, maybe it was more the Spectre status than me, personally. He had such a strong sense of justice, but he was impatient with the rules and regs. So was I, and when they appointed me Spectre, it felt so liberating. Just do what had to be done and don't worry about the consequences.

"That Dr. Saleon that Garrus mentioned? He had been running illegal experiments on his patients, growing extra organs inside them. Most of them died. They all suffered. Garrus got wind of where Saleon ended up, and we tracked him down on a freighter. We found him, confronted him. He tried to lie, but eventually admitted it. Garrus asked permission, and I gave it. No, I encouraged him to take the shot. Garrus shot him in the chest, and we walked away. If anyone else had done it, it would have been murder. Because he did it with a Spectre's blessing, it was justice. I wonder if that act was what set him on the path to Omega, to becoming Archangel. He's walked a long way down a dark path, and I thought he was coming back to the light until this whole episode with Sidonis. Now, I don't know what to do to get him to talk to me again. I'm worried about him."

"You care deeply for him." Thane said it as a statement, but she heard a hint of questioning in there. Did he wonder if there was something between her and Garrus?

"He's my best friend, a brother even. He was with me when we went after Saren. He's saved my butt more times than I can count, and I've saved his. We like the same music and movies. We fight well together. I nearly lost him on Omega, and I vowed I wouldn't let that happen again. He was there for me to talk to after Cerberus resurrected me. He let me know that I really was the same Shepard." Her voice caught in her throat as she thought about that dark time, wondering if she was really herself, or just a sophisticated VI thinking it was Shepard. Dealing with the memory losses hadn't helped either. But he'd stayed by her side, listening to her pour her soul out over endless glasses of cheap alcohol and matching her dextro shot for levo shot. "And he was there after Horizon, when Kaidan..." she ran out of words. She still couldn't put into words how horrible Kaidan's repudiation had made her feel. "I'd do anything to take care of him. He is special to me, in a way I can never replace. My world would be a lot darker without him." She looked over at Thane, still watching her with those unfathomable black eyes. "Still doesn't mean I won't beat his head into that cannon if he doesn't get over his snit."

She tried to move her legs again, and this time they twitched reluctantly at her command. Thane reached out a hand to help her sit up, and she took it gratefully.

"So was it just Garrus who so aroused your anger today? Your display seemed very extreme for a temporary falling out with a friend."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "No, it wasn't just Garrus. It just brought up some painful memories." She was normally a very private person, but something about Thane, the calm he exuded, or the non-judgmental way he asked questions, encouraged her to open up in a way she hadn't to anyone except Garrus. She was feeling off-balance without being able to talk to her friend the last few days, and that was making her realize how much she craved the company of someone she could trust.

Her mind went back to Horizon. Garrus and Mordin had accompanied her, and she knew that Mordin would be disinterested in gossiping about the fight between her and Kaidan, and Garrus would have her six. He wouldn't talk about it to the rest of the crew, either. So she was reasonably sure that Thane hadn't heard the details. Kaidan's betrayal had been eating a hole in her heart, and it was so tempting to confess the pain and uncertainty to Thane. He was so calm, never judging. She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn't come. To speak them would have been to relive the hurt all over again, and she wasn't ready for that. She shook her head and lurched unsteadily to her feet.

Thane was right beside her, putting a steadying hand on her back.

She looked out over the hangar bay while her mind pushed the hurtful memories away. She focused on the present and on the new crew she was building. Taking a deep breath, she stood up straight and said, "It's old history now and irrelevant to the mission. I won't let it interfere with what we need to do."

Thane turned to face her. "Siha, you can count on me. No matter what trials await us, I have seen your soul. It burns bright with the desire and intention to protect others. When we first met, I offered you my arm. Now, by the grace you've bestowed by restoring my son to me, I offer you everything I am for as long as I may."

Shepard's breath caught in her throat as she looked into his eyes. The intensity of his gaze burned into her very being, and she had no doubt that he meant exactly what he said. Here was someone she could always count on, who would never turn his back and walk away. She recognized the kindred spirit in him, that once he committed to something, nothing would turn him from his path. It was like a balm to the pain she had been carrying for so many months. Even now, she could feel the pain washing away in the strength of his conviction. Reaching out, she grabbed his hand and held on tightly. In a voice rough with overwhelming emotion and unshed tears, she whispered, "Thank you, Thane."


	7. Scars

Shepard escaped to the safety of her cabin. Her thoughts were still whirling from her sparring match with Thane. Okay, so she'd thought he was intriguing from the minute she'd seen him in action at Dantius Towers, but apparently, she was a lot more interested than she'd thought considering the unexpected erotic thoughts that had floored her in the middle of her match with the assassin. Just remembering it made her stomach flip and brought a wave of warmth through her belly and dropping down to her groin. Just for a moment, in the privacy of her room, she allowed her thoughts to roam free.

Thane's body was dense and muscular. His every movement spoke of supreme confidence in his physical prowess, and she was still in awe of his speed and agility. His lips were full and sensuous, and she was suddenly desperate to hear his voice whispering in her ear. She wondered if his scaled skin was rough, or if he was warmer or cooler than her own skin. She imagined his arms holding her tight against his chest, running over her stomach and her breasts, then down her legs. She thought about his weight crushing down on her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Shepard sucked her breath in and realized she'd been running her own hand over her stomach. She dropped it as if her skin were on fire and headed for the shower. Maybe a cold shower would cool these inappropriate thoughts.

She planted her hands on the shower wall and ducked her head under the shower to watch the water flow over her skin. Her cybernetics had cooled down enough that her skin was no longer glowing orange over them, but her body was completely covered with a fine tracery of scars, both from the cybernetic implants and from the explosion that had killed her. She thought back to her sparring match with Thane and her aborted session with the punching bag. Her reflexes were off, and she wondered what else was wrong. Closing her eyes, she stretched her hands overhead then slowly raised one leg to balance on the other. Three seconds later, she toppled over and nearly crashed into the shower wall. She huffed out her breath and tried again, with the same results. She tried variation after variation of balance poses, but she couldn't maintain a single one longer than five seconds. Finally she collapsed back against the shower wall. She ground the palms of her hands into her eyes and held onto her calm with grim determination. She wouldn't scream, and she wouldn't cry, but something was seriously wrong. For a woman who'd built her entire life on physical perfection and superb fighting skills, this struck at her very core.

She could no longer ignore the fact that Cerberus hadn't completely succeeded when they had brought her back. Her sparring match with Thane had been the final proof that she wasn't firing on all cylinders.

As she got dressed, she saw the bruises already forming on her arms and legs. At least she was fairly sure that Thane would have his own collection of bruises, and that made her wonder what color they would be. She pulled on the uniform with long sleeves and gloves. It wasn't her normal choice of outfits, but she had to keep up the appearance of the indomitable Commander Shepard, and appearing covered in black and blue bruises would take away from her mystique.

She headed down to Miranda's office. Without any preliminaries, she sank into the chair in front of Miranda's desk and said, "There's something wrong with me. My body's not performing the way it used to. Before I died," she clarified.

The brunette frowned as she looked up. "Can you be more specific, Shepard?"

"Reaction time is off. Slowed nerve response. Balance is shot. My biotics are stronger than they ever were, but when it comes to purely physical responses, something's not working." Shepard sat back.

Miranda frowned and leaned back in her chair, giving the Commander a long measuring look. "We did wake you up earlier than I wanted to. I was afraid there might be some issues in the integration process. Frankly, I'm surprised you didn't have problems sooner."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Nice of you to give me a heads up, Miranda. Might have been nice to know I wasn't playing with a full deck before I placed my bets."

"Settle down, Shepard. I knew you were close to optimal, or I wouldn't have let you step foot on Omega in the first place. It's probably related to your cybernetics not fully integrating with your nervous system. Let me run a couple of tests to be sure, but I can make the adjustments here on the Normandy. It shouldn't take more than a couple of days."

Shepard growled softly. "We're scheduled to dock at Illium tomorrow and go looking for that Justicar."

Miranda stood up and headed out the door. "I worked a miracle bringing you back from the dead, Shepard. Give me a couple more days to finish the process. Even I can't snap my fingers and make everything perfect right away."

As hard as she tried, Shepard couldn't keep from rolling her eyes behind Miranda's back as she followed the woman to Med Bay. She tried to follow the technical jargon between Miranda and Chakwas, but it quickly devolved into talks of implants, cybernetics, and chemical inhibitors. When they added neural pathways to the mix, Chakwas insisted on bringing Mordin in to consult. Shepard submitted to the various scans, and in between, she used her omni tool to consult with EDI on ideas for improving their resource scanning. She was still trying to find a xenogeologist to help with the process, which was so tedious for Shepard that she would rather go ten rounds with a krogan than scan another planet. _Or ten rounds with a certain sexy drell who just happened to be only a few feet away in Life Support_, her mind whispered. She hoped she wasn't blushing.

She brought her attention back when she heard Miranda talk about installing a new piece of equipment in the med bay. "What's that?" she asked.

Miranda answered. "I can get the plans from the Lazarus Project for the neural integrator. It's as I thought, your cybernetics haven't quite synched up with your nervous system. It was the last step in Lazarus, but unfortunately, we were interrupted."

Chakwas added, "It will have the additional benefit of healing and thickening the skin over your cybernetics. It won't erase all your scars, but you'll stop glowing orange every time you fight or get angry."

Shepard wasn't normally a vain person, but every time she caught sight of her skin glowing orange, it creeped her out. "So what's the down side?"

"Will require substantial quantities of platinum for instrumentation," Mordin told her. "However, Cerberus cybernetic techniques evidenced in you, Shepard, are unmatched by any others in galaxy. Doubtful anything else can correct deficiencies."

"That true, Miranda? Is there any other way to correct the...deficiencies?"

Miranda lifted one shoulder in an elegant shrug. "We went into new territory when we rebuilt you. Perhaps, with time and training, your nervous system will adapt to the cybernetics on their own, but that isn't how we designed the system to work. The cybernetics were intended to meld into your nervous system completely and provide the support needed. Obviously, they still need some work."

Shepard nodded as she jumped down from the bed. "Do it," she ordered. "Miranda, let me know when it's ready."

Her feet wanted to take her to Life Support, but her head overruled. After their tumultuous sparring match and heart to heart talk, Thane had offered to help her improve her unarmed combat. Without the anger in the way, she was able to agree that she needed help, so she accepted, on the condition that they start tomorrow. She needed time to cool off physically as well as emotionally. She had to figure out how to keep her mind out of the gutter when she was around Thane.

She should probably talk to Garrus, and force him to confront both her and the issue of Sidonis. She'd let it fester long enough. She squared her shoulders and headed around the corner to the battery. As usual the last couple days, the doors were closed, but Shepard wasn't going to let that stop her. She walked up and was just about to press the button for the door when she heard voices from the other side. She caught Garrus' flanging voice. He sounded agitated, but she couldn't make out the words. The other speaker was much quieter, and all she could get through the doors was a faint hint that it was a lower tone, so probably one of the males on the ship.

Shepard wasn't going to interrupt whatever was going on in there. If Garrus was worked up over something already, there was nothing she could say or do right now that wouldn't add fuel to the fire. She turned around and walked slowly down the hallway. At the top of the steps, she paused and looked thoughtfully at Sgt. Gardener.

"Sergeant, do you happen to know who's in the main battery with Garrus?"

"Oh, aye, ma'am. It's that assassin fellow. He headed in there a few minutes after you went into Miranda's office. Looked like he had something on his mind. Been keeping an ear out for any sudden crashes, but it's been quiet. Guess they just had something to talk about."

Shepard thanked him and wandered off. Mysteries appealed to her, and she knew she'd wrack her brain trying to figure out what they had to say to each other, unless she could get one of them to confess. She had a feeling she could crack the turian easier than the drell, but for now, it would have to wait.

Her restless feet carried her down to the engineering deck. She didn't really feel like going toe to toe with Grunt right now considering that her bruises were just starting to stiffen up. She offered to set up a poker game with Ken and Gabby, but they claimed they had a pressure imbalance to fix. She suspected they just didn't feel like losing against her again. She couldn't help it. She played to win every time, no matter what the game.

Somewhat to her surprise, she ended up in Jack's hidey hole. Apparently, Jack had been busy lately redecorating. Graffiti covered the walls, with a huge '_Fuck Cerberus_' smack in the middle of the wall opposite her bunk. No surprise there. "What's up, Jack?"

"Same old, same old, Shepard. You trying to make nice again?" the tiny woman asked with a sneer.

"Not particularly. Just checking in on my crew. I do that, you know. Want to make sure you're not going to turn into a time bomb and blow out the Normandy's drive core."

Jack wrinkled her nose and kicked her feet up on her cot. "Give me some credit, Shepard. I'm not going to do anything that's against my own self-interest, and getting marooned in deep space with you lot would definitely be bad for me."

"Oh, I suppose we could always pass the time playing Skyllian Five," Shepard offered. Anything to break the boredom, and she hadn't managed to get Jack into a game yet, so Jack shouldn't know that Shepard was an expert player. It was the main way that marines passed the time in space, and every one of them was a cutthroat player. Jack's next words deflated Shepard's balloon, though.

"Ha! I heard about you from your greasemonkeys upstairs. You took them for a week's worth of pay last time you played. They groused about it for two days." Jack rolled her eyes and waved dismissively at the ceiling. "You keep quiet down here, and they forget you're here. Don't realize how well sound travels through the duct work. I hear all sorts of interesting things down here."

"Oh, really? Care to enlighten me?" Now Shepard was curious.

"Aside from the fact that Ken and Gabby really need to get a room soon, you mean?"

"I don't think that's much of a secret, Jack."

"I know you have crappy taste in music, Shepard." Jack flicked her fingers contemptuously in her direction.

Shepard raised her eyebrows and stepped back on one leg, arms crossed over her chest. "And how do you come to that conclusion?"

"I heard the music pounding up through the hangar bay this morning. I asked EDI who was responsible for playing that ancient scream fest, and she told me it was you. She then gave over your whole workout playlist when I asked. Mercury Scythe is so over, Shepard. You're outta date."

Shepard couldn't tell if Jack's look was pitying or dismissive. "Hey, they're top of the charts."

"Were, Shepard. Operative word there is were. Catch up to the present."

"I've been a little out of touch with pop culture, Jack. Finding new music hasn't exactly been at the top of my to do list."

"Well, crap, being dead's no excuse for listening to shitty music like that. I'll pass my music on through EDI, and you can use that next time you beat the crap out of a harmless old punching bag. At least then I won't have to listen to your out of date shit."

Shepard wondered if she was going to have to have a talk with EDI about privacy. "EDI tell you that, too?"

"Nope. Heard it from one of your greasemonkeys when they got back from fixing it up. Complaining about krogans and psychotic biotics and now even the fucking Commander was trying to punch holes in the ship from the inside." Jack was grinning savagely. "So, still pissed at your turian bro?"

"How did you..." Shepard bit her tongue. Even though the SR2 was Cerberus and civilian instead of military, it appeared that gossip traveled just as fast. "Let's just say that Garrus and I need to have a talk and leave it at that."

"Sure, and I'm the Pope. Dino boy hasn't stuck his snout out of the main battery since you guys got back from the Citadel, and you've been visiting everyone except him. Thought you two were soul mates or something up til now, the way you always hang out. What's the matter? He piss in your cornflakes?" Jack chuckled at her own joke.

Shepard lifted her eyes to the ceiling to look for inspiration in dealing with the most difficult member of her crew. At least with Grunt, she could have head butted him. Jack would be more likely to biotically swat her across the room. "Hardly." She sighed. "Look, Jack, he's going through a rough patch right now." She held up a hand to forestall Jack's inevitable protest about her past. "Right, I know, nothing like what you went through, but he's got a lot to deal with. You wouldn't want me gossiping about you to everyone else, so don't ask me what Garrus' problem is, okay?"

Jack rolled her eyes. "Gotta be the goody two shoes, huh, Shepard?"

She couldn't resist tweaking Jack just a little. "Only to irritate you, Jack," she said with a laugh.

Jack snarled and the room flared blue as the tiny woman used her biotics to pick up and hurl a wrench at Shepard's head. Shepard's own biotics answered and batted the wrench to the side. It fell to the deck plates with a loud clang. "Get out of my space, Shepard," Jack growled.

Shepard shrugged and turned toward the stairs. "It's your space, Jack. Just remember, you're part of my crew, just as much as Garrus, Mordin, or Joker. I have your back, too." She didn't hear a reply, but figured that was an improvement. Jack hadn't actively been trying to hurt her when she threw the wrench, and the amount of swearing had even gone down in the last few weeks. She didn't think the young woman would ever be her friend, but she wanted Jack to know that she really would do anything to help and protect her, just like any other member of her crew.

When Shepard got back to her cabin, she had a pleasant surprise. EDI announced, "You have new music waiting in your library, Shepard, courtesy of Jack." She laughed in delight and checked to see if the tattooed waif had included anything else. There were a dozen new albums, all by bands she'd never heard of, and a note from Jack that read, _"Drop the goody two shoe act and loosen up. Maybe you'd be worth hanging out with then."_ Shepard smiled and nodded to Jack in absentia. "Deal."

* * *

Thane thought about his conversation with Shepard as he returned to Life Support. He had only known Shepard for a couple of months, but already she was changing him in ways he'd thought impossible. Before the Dantius contract, he'd been going through the motions of life, resigned to his impending death, if not totally at peace with it. But in only a few short weeks, she had upended beliefs he'd held for years. She had pulled him into her life and integrated him into her crew before he even realized what was happening. For the first time, he was working with a team instead of as a solitary operator, and he found himself enjoying it. For all their quirks, the people that Shepard had recruited were the very best in the galaxy, and every one of them had fallen into her orbit, just as he had.

Because of Shepard, he and Kolyat were speaking again and that alone was enough to inspire his dedication to her, body and soul. He had never thought he would see or speak to his son again, but now they were exchanging messages and had even shared a meal together the last time the Normandy was docked at the Citadel. Their relationship was still strained, but they were both trying to get over the hurt and betrayals of the past. Every time he thought on it, it seemed a miracle. Truly, she was one of Arashu's own, guiding and protecting those in her care.

But even more than that, he found himself fascinated by the Commander. She spoke with a quiet authority, but when she wanted to, she could command everyone's attention in the room just in the way she held herself. On the battlefield, she could assess the situation and take life and death decisions in a heartbeat, making the most economical use of every asset at her disposal, willing or not. She knew precisely how much damage she could take and purposefully set herself up as the focal point for firefights, allowing her support fighters to deal excruciating damage to their opponents. Too often, he caught himself wanting to push her out of the line of fire as her shields fizzled out, but she always managed to find cover in the nick of time, waiting for her shields to recharge, and then bursting back out to distract the enemy.

And yet, she was equally comfortable talking religion and philosophy with him or sports with Jacob. She genuinely cared about everyone in her crew, down to the cook. In his time on the Normandy, he'd witnessed small but noticeable changes in the crew. They were coming together as a family, not just people with a dangerous job to do. That was entirely Shepard's doing. She inspired them all to be greater than they thought they could.

She had woken him out of his battlesleep, Thane admitted to himself. He cared again. He cared about Kolyat and found himself eagerly waiting for his son's next message. He cared about the strange crew he was part of. Most of all, he cared about Shepard, his siha. He'd tried to fight it. He should not be looking for any companionship beyond that of battlefield brethren, but his soul refused to listen to his head. Thane found himself craving Shepard's visits almost as much as his son's letters. Almost against his will, he found reasons to talk to her, to sit beside her at mealtimes, or to let his hands brush against her. Their sparring match earlier today had been delightful, not just in the fierce competition that she always brought, but the excuses to brush against her skin, to actually touch that delicate porcelain skin. Humans looked so fragile, unlike any other species. They didn't have the height and speed of turians, the sheer mass and resilience of krogans, the biotic strength of asari. Even compared to his own people, they seemed so frail. Shepard's skin was so pale that he could see the veins carrying her life-sustaining blood. Yet weak and fragile were words he would never use to describe her. The bruises on his side and legs were painful reminders that she was no ordinary human.

Great leaders became great because they could handle extraordinary stresses and burdens that most people couldn't, and what he'd seen of Shepard convinced Thane that she would be one of those remembered by history. Still, the burdens that fell on her were unprecedented. She was carrying the hope of salvation not just for her crew, or for humanity, but for all races in the galaxy. He'd studied the events at the Citadel from two years ago. He was convinced that Sovereign was more than just a geth ship, and according to Shepard, there were hundreds more Reaper ships closing in from dark space. The threat made drell history pale by comparison. If they failed, it wouldn't be just one race standing at the brink of extinction, but a dozen or more. Given all that, if there was something he could do to reduce some of the problems facing her, he would gladly do it, which was why he was on his way to the Main Battery to confront Garrus.

Thane signaled for permission to enter the main battery. "Go away," a deep voice growled through the door.

"If you don't let me in through the door, I'll just come in through the vents," the assassin answered.

The doors slid open to reveal the turian working on the Thannix console, his back to the entryway. "I didn't want to talk to Shepard about it, and I want to talk to you even less, Krios. It's none of your business. And I'll weld the vent covers on as soon as you leave."

EDI broke in. "Welding the vent covers in place is a violation of operating and safety protocols, Officer Vakarian."

"I don't remember asking you, EDI." Garrus sighed and glared at Thane. "What do you want?"

Thane walked up to the control panel and stood with his hands behind his back looking down the cannon's length. "Seeking vengeance for your loss is understandable, but ultimately self-destructive."

Garrus flared his mandibles in anger and stalked around the cannon walkway to put some distance between them. "I said I didn't want to talk about it. Besides, what do you know about it? I appreciate your skills, Krios, but you're an assassin. That's all you do, is kill. It's your victims who would be seeking vengeance, not you."

Thane glanced away at a display panel. When he answered, his voice was soft, forcing Garrus to listen carefully to catch the words. "I had a wife, Mr. Vakarian. One of my 'victims' did indeed seek out vengeance on me. His associates killed her."

Garrus' jaw dropped a little bit. He'd chatted with Thane several times since Shepard had recruited the assassin, but now that he thought about it, Thane never spoke of his past. Before he could speak, Thane continued. His voice was low and completely devoid of inflection. "I spent the next three years hunting down her killers. I did what Shepard prevented you from doing. I killed them, mercilessly and of my own free will. I had no contract for them. I did it because they had destroyed the only thing I cared about. I started with the trigger men and worked my way up to the ones who ordered it. When I was done, dozens of mercenaries were dead, but it didn't bring back my Irikah. I felt no relief or joy, only a pale sense of accomplishment. They, at least, would kill no others, but my world was a dark and desolate place. Having killed them, I had no other purpose in a life that would soon be over. I can see their faces, remember the cruelties I inflicted to get the information I needed to reach their superiors." Thane fought off the memories that threatened to pull him under. They were not memories he'd willingly relive again and certainly not in front of the turian.

He turned and walked toward the turian lurking on the walkway between the cannon and the ship's hull. "In the end, it served no more purpose than would killing Sidonis. His deed is done. Dead, he cannot atone for his crime, and you would forever carry the scar of killing in cold blood. Shepard understood. That is why she intervened. She cares for you and would not willingly see you take on such an affliction when it could be avoided."

Garrus' mind was in turmoil from Thane's revelations. "Thane, I'm..."

Thane held up a hand to stop him. "I neither want nor seek your sympathy. I have long ago accepted the repercussions of my actions. I tell you this only to make you understand that the pain you feel cannot be healed by the vengeance you sought."

Garrus gripped the handrail and stared at the floor. He had already come to the grudging conclusion that Shepard was right, but he couldn't figure out how to clear the slate with her, and now, it had apparently gotten so obvious that other people were trying to intervene. One fact suddenly came to the fore from the swirling thoughts and emotions. "Wait, she talked to you about me? About this?"

If the conversation hadn't been so serious, Thane might be amused. He was quite familiar with turian body language, and Garrus was obviously trying to rearrange several facts in his head. "I accompanied you on your mission to Sidonis, and she knew my history. Oftentimes, it helps to have someone with whom to discuss problems." The thought lingered in Garrus' mind that he had been just such a problem the last few days to the Commander, just as Thane intended it should.

Garrus turned away and walked to the end of the narrow path between the cannon and hull. Shepard was always so private. She rarely gossiped, knowing that a leader had to be above the normal gossip that went on among the crew, so as to give them the sense that she would keep their concerns private if they went to her. To find out that she had shared her concerns about him with Thane was even more disturbing that learning about the drell's history. Either it meant that she trusted Thane enough to share her confidence, or that Garrus was causing her more grief than he had realized.

Now that he thought about it, he realized that Shepard almost always consulted with him about the crew, usually in little things, when she visited. But she hadn't said one word to him since Sidonis. He knew they were headed back to Ilium, but he wasn't sure exactly why. He had never been so far out of Shepard's confidence, and he suddenly realized he was the one to blame for it. And to be so easily replaced with the drell was another blow to his confidence.

He took another look at Thane, seeing him anew, not just as a highly skilled triggerman, but noting the confident way he held himself. He remembered Shepard coming and talking to him about Thane, concerned that he wasn't melding easily into the team she was building. Garrus had pushed her to talk to him, draw him out. It seemed that she was successful, and now she was talking to Thane about him. If his thoughts hadn't been in such a spin, he might have appreciated the irony.

Sensing the turian's inner turmoil, Thane decided he had made his point and turned to go. "Good day, Mr. Vakarian." The door slid shut behind him, and Garrus was left alone with his thoughts and the inescapable conclusion that he needed to offer an apology to his Commander and best friend. He turned and sat heavily on the crate that Shepard normally used. "Ah, spirits. How did things ever get so messed up?"


	8. A Funny Thing Happened

**"A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Justicar"**

Shepard's door chimed, giving her a welcome reprieve from more paperwork. "Enter," she called out. Whoever it was hesitated a long while, long enough to make her turn around in curiosity. She blinked once when she saw Garrus' tall figure in the doorway. "In or out, Vakarian," she said in a neutral tone.

His mandibles tightened against his jaw as he stepped forward. She stood up and gestured him down the stairs to her sitting area. They both held their peace until they were settled on the couches, and still Shepard waited until Garrus spoke first.

"Shepard, I'm sorry. Not that I wanted to kill Sidonis. I still do. But you were right about letting him live, and I shouldn't have taken so long to admit it." The lanky turian sighed and hunched over. "I still hope his spirit wanders lost for the rest of eternity, but at least I won't be the one sending him there."

Shepard listened to her friend and rested her hand on his knee. "Thanks, Garrus. I know I was a hard ass on you back there, but I just couldn't stand there and let you do something so self-destructive."

"I just have to know, Shepard, why? Why the change of heart? You know I'd follow you into hell and back, but you've changed. And I'm...I'm sorry for what I said back on the Citadel. You're not soft. But you are different. You...care more. About strangers. Even ones as despicable as Sidonis."

His bright blue eyes were boring into her now, and she shifted uncomfortably on the couch. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it, but she owed him and he was her closest friend. "It's because I died." Unable to meet his eyes, she looked over at her fish tank, watching them swim peacefully around. "One of the last things I remember is being so angry that I wouldn't be able to finish my goals. I wouldn't be around to take out the Reapers. And...I missed my friends so badly, knowing I'd never see them again. Missed you. And Kaidan," she allowed with a hitch in her breath. "There was so much more I wanted to do. And now, every time I have a choice about pulling the trigger, I think about that. What else might they do? Would they seize the chance to live if it was given to them like a miracle? Maybe not, but maybe, just maybe, one or two of them will. And I hope they'll do something amazing, something that makes my choice to spare them the right one." She looked up at him. "That's why I stood between you and Sidonis, Garrus. It was as much for him as for you. And deep down, even though you don't want to admit it, there's a gentleness, a goodness in you. Killing Sidonis could have extinguished it, and I wasn't going to let that happen."

Garrus studied her for a long moment. "You never had any intention of letting me take that shot, did you?"

"No." Her auburn hair fell down around her face as she shook her head. "You can be mad at me if you want, but I'd do it again. You're too special to me, Garrus. I'll protect you against yourself if I have to."

He leaned forward and with one talon pushed an errant lock of hair back behind her ear. "I don't suppose there's any stopping you, but I reserve the right to do the same for you."

She chuckled softly. "Since when do I engage in self-destructive behavior?"

Garrus leaned back and let out a loud bark of laughter. "I don't have enough talons to count that high, even if I lump every suicidal drive in the Mako in one count. Pissing off Council members isn't too smart either."

Shepard laughed with him. "Okay, I'll give you that one. Never said I was a great Spectre. Guess we make a good pair, considering how bad a turian you are," she said jabbing him in the ribs.

And just like that, the awkwardness between them was gone as if it had never existed. Their talk turned to Ilium and the upcoming quest to recruit the Justicar.

* * *

"Dropped one! That makes sixteen, Shepard," Garrus crowed.

Shepard grimaced and concentrated on taking out the nearest Eclipse merc with her pistol. She'd decided that her aim was getting sloppy, and she was relying too much on the spray bursts from her assault rifle, so she'd made a bet with Garrus that she could take out as many with her pistol as he could with his sniper rifle. Popping up from cover, she sighted on the nearest merc and slotted a round neatly between his helmet and chest armor, smiling in grim satisfaction as he dropped to the ground. "Eighteen!" she yelled back.

Miranda just rolled her eyes as she sent a warp at the remaining merc and destroyed his barrier. Shepard grinned and snapped a round off, dropping the merc before Garrus could line up his sniper rifle. "Nineteen," she taunted him with a grin. "Your rifle's too slow, Vakarian."

For an answer, Garrus simply sighted across the warehouse and fired two times in quick succession. "Eighteen, Shepard. Just admit it, your little pea shooter's only good for short range." He patted his rifle possessively. "Not like this baby. Death from afar. Just the way I like it."

Shepard huffed as she scooped up some spare thermal clips from the dead mercs.

Miranda strolled forward. "If you two are quite done with your little game, can we continue? We came here looking for a Justicar, not a shooting match, if you remember."

Shepard and Garrus grinned at each other behind Miranda's back, then hurried to catch up with her. "Come on, Miranda. You can play, too," Shepard cajoled. "Plenty of mercs to go around."

"No thank you, Shepard. I prefer to keep it professional during missions."

Shepard kept trying as they climbed a flight of stairs. "Come on. We'll start over. Loser buys rounds for the group when we're done."

Miranda gave Shepard a sidelong look, but whatever she was about to say was interrupted by a volus strutting around at the top of the stairs.

"I am a biotic god! I think things - and they happen! Fear me, lesser creatures, for I am biotics made flesh!"

Shepard blinked and had to hold back a snigger at the diminutive volus' declaration. "I don't know what drugs you're on, but stay back and I won't shoot you."

The volus waved his hands dismissively. "You will regret your scandalous words! I will sweep all before me like a great wind. A great biotic wind! Yes, the asari injecting so many drugs into me was terrifying, but then I began to smell my greatness. They may laugh when I fall over, but they don't know what's in my head. That I am great in my head!"

Shepard slapped her palm against her face and a giggle slipped out. Garrus had a huge grin on his face, and even Miranda's lips were twitching in amusement.

The volus went on. "When I was mortal, I worked for Pitne. The pool soul is probably terrified that I have not returned."

Garrus shook his head and popped the poor volus' balloon. "Nope. He hasn't reported your disappearance. Probably so his departure won't be delayed. Face it, Pitne will pick money over friends every time."

"Bah! I will wreak a just revenge upon his people. But first...the leader of these mercenaries is in the next room. I shall toss Wasea about like a rag doll!" he thundered.

Garrus gave the little volus a pitying look. "Shepard, this guy can't tie his shoelaces, much less fight."

Miranda agreed. "Having this incapacitated volus running around the battlefield could compromise us."

The volus paid them no attention. "I will tear her apart. My biotics are unstoppable!" he declared to the world at large.

Shepard almost managed to force the smile off her face. "Wasea will tear you apart. Why don't you take a little nap instead?"

"Ha!" The volus threw his hand up in the air and turned away. "Are you mad? I'm unstoppable. Feasting on her biotic-rich blood will be the last step in the ascension to my godhood!"

Shepard couldn't help it. She just about doubled over laughing. Reaching out, she put one fingertip to the little man's shoulder and pushed him forward. He toppled like a very short, very stout log. Garrus laughed along with her, and even Miranda was openly smiling.

The volus tried to stagger to his feet. "But...great wind. Biotic god. What was I saying? I'm tired. Yes, you may be right. I'm tired. I'll nap. Destroy the universe later." Something that sounded like a yawn came through his speaker port as the volus staggered away, covering more ground sideways than he did forward.

"So much for godhood," Garrus smirked.

That sent Shepard off into another helpless bout of laughter. After a moment, she wiped her eyes and checked her pistol. "Alright, enough entertainment for now. If the volus was right, the merc leader is just in there." She gave herself another five seconds to settle down, then nodded to Garrus to open the door. She and Miranda got the drop on the mercs in the room and took out over half before Garrus got his sniper rifle lined up, but he made up for lost time by taking out three in the back with three quick shots. "Twenty one," they both said simultaneously. "Hell, Garrus, I'm not buying drinks for you. You've got expensive tastes. Last time you emptied my damn account."

He laughed as he fired another shot. "You don't have a bank account any more, Shepard. Being dead and all."

She grimaced and rolled to another crate for cover, then stood up and dropped an engineer before he could deploy a turret. "Yeah, someday I'll fix that."

"Incoming!" Miranda shouted.

Shepard looked and cursed as she scrambled backward. A grenade skittered across the floor, stopping just in front of the crate she was hiding behind. Her tech armor protected her from the shrapnel, but a fine red mist filled the air all around her. It wasn't thick enough to keep her from seeing the merc who tossed the grenade and taking her out with a single shot.

Shepard scanned the rest of the room. It was empty of mercs, but the red mist filled the entire space. "Christ on a cracker, what is this stuff?"

Miranda looked at the boxes and frowned. "Minagen X3. Illegal biotic enhancing drug. Lethal in large doses. I suggest we try to avoid it as much as possible."

"Yeah, like that's going to be easy." Shepard sneezed as she jogged across the room. The air was cleaner by the other door, but she felt a buzz starting in her head and hands. Nothing for it but to go forward. The trio entered the next room, but immediately had to dive for cover. Two turrets were covering the entrance. From behind a crate, Shepard used her omni tool to overload the turrets, but not before her crate was smashed to pieces. It held more Minagen, and she gagged as it more or less exploded over her.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Miranda asked anxiously.

Shepard waved her back. Didn't need both of them getting dosed with a lethal drug. The room took on a reddish cast, and she couldn't tell if it was because the dust still hung in the air or if her vision was being affected. Her back twitched as they worked their way through the room. It felt like currents of electricity were spiking through her nervous system. She saw a pair of mercs in front of her, and instead of using her pistol, she triggered a biotic throw at the pair and watched in astonishment as they flew backward and smashed into the wall with far more force than she'd ever been able to generate before. A laugh bubbled out of her lips, and she stared down at her hand for a few seconds, ignoring Garrus, Miranda and the remaining mercs. "Holy crap, this stuff is awesome!"

Miranda shook her fiercely by the arm. "Shepard, this stuff is lethal at high doses like you're getting. You've got to stay back for a minute. Let it clear out of your system."

Shepard got a devilish grin on her face. "Oh hell no. This is way too much fun!" With that, she used her biotics again and watched the door crumple out of its frame and fly away from her. With a laugh, she ran through the door. Time seemed to slow down, and it felt like she had entire minutes to decide her course of action. The pistol was slack in her hand as she directed a warp with her other. But something nudged her biotic sense and she somehow shifted her power. She could feel her opponent's life energy, but instead of just disrupting it, she opened a conduit back to herself, feeling the power flow back to her. Her unlucky target bent double then stood up rigid in pain, making him an easy target for Miranda. When he crumpled to the floor, Shepard looked around for another target, so she could try it again. She barely registered that more crates had burst open during the firefight, filling the room with another cloud of red dust. Garrus was shouting something at her, but all her attention was focused on her next target. She wanted to see if she could repeat the biotic drain, and she did. Again, her target stood motionless, and this time, she brought up her pistol and ended him herself. Her heart was beating wildly, and it almost felt like it wanted to leap right out of her chest, but she put it down to the exhilaration of the fight and of learning a new biotic attack. She'd tried it before, years ago, but had never successfully mastered reave. Now, she couldn't fathom why she'd ever given up trying to learn it. It felt like the most amazing high. Target after target fell, either to her new reave power or by being tossed around like ragdolls. She was a biotic god, and that thought triggered a fit of giggles as she kept using her biotic attacks.

There was a loud, annoying voice yelling at her, but since it wasn't attached to Eclipse armor, she ignored it. At least, until the voice's owner dragged her forcefully toward a corner. "Shepard! Snap out of it!" Balefully, Shepard glared at the turian until the connections in her brain supplied a name for him. "What do you want, Garrus," she snapped.

"You need to get in clear air. You're going to go into cardiac arrest if you breathe any more Minagen." He slammed her up against the wall and held her there with his hand against her chest plate.

"Garrus," she growled warningly.

Miranda faded into view on her left. "Just wait a minute, Shepard. This stuff clears out of your system almost as fast as it hits you."

Shepard panted and it slowly dawned on her just how fast her heart was beating. Not just that, but her amps were screaming from the amount of energy she'd been pushing through them. She nodded at Garrus, and he stepped back. She noticed that Miranda looked a little glassy eyed, too. "Thanks, guys. Okay, let's finish this up and try to avoid the Minagen." A stray thought passed through her mind that Thane would give her hell about wearing her visor instead of her helmet.

Thankfully, there were only a couple more stragglers. There was still enough Minagen in Shepard's system that she forsook her pistol for biotics, just to discharge the excess energy flowing through her. She even heard a rare laugh from Miranda, and she noticed that the Cerberus agent was displaying biotic strength far in excess of her normal abilities. With a grin and a wink, she nudged Miranda with her shoulder, and shockingly, Miranda winked back. "Nothing's ever boring with you around, Shepard."

Shepard laughed and draped her arm over Miranda's shoulders. "We're all biotic gods. Why should life be boring?"

Garrus just huffed and headed on while the two women shared a rare laugh. By the time they reached the end of the hallway, the Minagen had worn off enough that Shepard could concentrate normally again, and the itchy sensation had lessened considerably. It turned out to be a good thing, because they finally caught up with their Justicar.

* * *

Back on the Normandy, Shepard showed Samara to the starboard observation lounge and left her to settle in. Her entire body ached, and her feet dragged the floor from exhaustion. She stumbled into her cabin and left her armor scattered in an uncharacteristic mess across the floor as she fell onto her bed. Unfortunately, her stomach was demanding to be fed and wouldn't let her fall asleep. With a groan, she pushed herself to her feet and pulled on a pair of shorts and one of her new t-shirts. Too tired and hungry to bother with shoes, she made her way barefoot into the mess. Gardner was busy cooking dinner for the crew, but she grabbed a piece of fruit from the counter and started going through the cabinets, looking for anything to put into her hollow stomach. Gardner finally put a box of ration bars in her hands and practically shoved her out of the mess. She snagged another purple piece of Ilium-native fruit as she passed.

She ripped the ration bar wrapper off and shoved half the bar in her mouth. All that intense biotic use had created a tremendous strain on her body, and now it was demanding its due. She walked around the corner to Miranda's office. "Want one?" she asked around a mouthful of food and waved a ration bar in her XO's direction. Miranda held out for about a second.

"God, yes," she muttered and grabbed it out of Shepard's hand.

Shepard collapsed into the chair across from Miranda's desk. "Nice work today," she told the other woman as she tossed a second bar at her. "How you holding up?"

"Better than you, I imagine. I actually tried to avoid the Minagen."

Shepard chuckled. "Aw, come on, Miri. We shared a moment today. Let's not ruin it so quickly. Besides, after that one crate exploded practically on top of me, I don't remember a whole lot from that point aside from the unbelievable rush of power. I've never been that strong biotically. What a rush!"

Miranda gave her a half smile. "I think it was the drug, not the extra biotic energy."

"Yeah, I know. But I'm gonna miss being able to throw twice what I normally can," Shepard sighed.

"Don't get used to it," Miranda warned. "It's addictive as well as illegal and lethal. Not a good combination."

Shepard grinned and made an X over her heart. "Promise I won't try it again. Now don't you start on me, because I'm sure to hear about it from Chakwas, and if you say one more word, I'll make sure she gives you extra tests."

Miranda's mouth was full, so she just shook her head in acceptance.

Shepard continued. "So, you think we should have recruited the biotic god this morning? He'd make an interesting addition to our crew."

"Please, Shepard."

The Commander chuckled at the pained look on her XO's face. "Alright, alright, I'll leave you be. Just thought if that stuff hit you like it did me, you'd be ravenous. Just one other thing to discuss. I've decided to stay an extra day on Ilium. I'm giving the crew another twenty-four hours shore leave, but I want you specifically to rest tomorrow. Put Jacob in charge of crew rotations. See you at dinner tonight." She waved away Miranda's half-formed protests. "Orders, Miranda."

She was tired, but while she was still vertical, she needed to check on Garrus. The gunnery hallway had never seemed so long before. He didn't answer the chime on the door, so she went ahead and opened it, only to find the turian snoring peacefully on his cot. Even though he wasn't a biotic, exposure to the Minagen must have affected him. She turned to head back to her cabin for a nap, but she only made it as far as the mess table before she got too tired to continue. She sat and stared blankly at the back wall, trying to decide if it would negatively affect crew morale if she just put her head down on the table and slept there for a while. Then she was aware of Dr. Chakwas shaking her by the shoulder.

"Come on, Commander. Let's get you into the Med Bay."

"Don't wanna," she complained.

Chakwas bent to hoist the exhausted woman up and quietly said, "I'll opaque the windows and you can sleep there until dinner time."

Shepard nodded and went along, leaning heavily on the doctor. As she crawled onto a bed, she said, "Nap sounds good. I'll destroy the universe later." She giggled at Chakwas' puzzled expression. "Guess you had to be there."

* * *

A/N: I loved this bit in the game with the volus high on drugs. I also needed to come up with an in-game explanation for how Shepard comes up with a new biotic power midway through the game. It seems a bit weird to just say, okay, here's a new biotic power just for spending some eezo.


	9. Cops and Robbers

"Kolyat, get over here." Bailey shouted over the hubub of the general C-sec office noise for his newest recruit. "I got a special assignment for you. Get you off that beat in the 9th district you were complainin' about yesterday. Yeah, don't think I didn't hear you and Morin bitchin' about moving vorcha for the last two weeks. Well, I hope you showered since yesterday, because I'm sending you to the Presidium."

Kolyat looked surprised. Bailey hadn't been a bad boss, but for the last two months, Kolyat had definitely had the scut assignments that nobody else had wanted, and now to get a call to the Presidium almost felt like winning the lottery. "Me and Morin, both?"

"Naw, just you. Head on over to a shop called Edina's Lovelies. C-sec is holding a girl for suspicion of shoplifting, but she's claiming diplomatic immunity. Go sort it out."

"Me? I'm no diplomat."

Bailey growled at him. "What? You wanna herd vorcha and pick up drunks for the rest of your term? I wanna see if you can actually use that brain of yours or not. Now git!"

Kolyat worried over the puzzle the entire trip to the Presidium. The Presidium had its own division of C-sec, and rarely requested help from the Wards. It couldn't be because of his parole. Bailey had kept that off the books, and as far as anyone knew, Kolyat was a C-sec trainee, enrolled under special authorization. He'd only been on the job for two months, so it couldn't be his skills. That left only one thing - his race. Probably something to do with the hanar, then. He knew there weren't many drell on the Citadel, but surely there must be at least a few in C-sec, in the other Wards. He was still trying to figure out the implications when he arrived at the store.

Edina's Lovelies primarily sold lingerie and jewelry and catered to females of all races. Walking into the store, he found himself in a sea of lace and wispy fabrics of all colors and shapes. An asari shopkeeper motioned him into the back, where he finally figured out why he had been picked. Two turian C-sec officers were standing near a young drell woman. As soon as he walked through the door, the taller officer waved at him. "Bailey said you were coming. She's all yours now. That pile on the chair is the stuff we took off her when she left the shop. Good luck," he chortled as he sauntered out of the shop.

Great, Kolyat thought to himself. Diplomatic immunity, so she's the daughter of someone important. Probably thinks she can do anything without getting in trouble. She's probably right, too. He'd only been on the Citadel for two months, but he'd already been a cynical young man, and what he saw in C-sec wasn't doing much to change his opinion.

"Who are you?" Kolyat and the girl said it at the same time, then looked at each other, although in the girl's case, it was more of a glare. "You first," she demanded.

Kolyat shrugged. "Kolyat Krios, C-sec Zakera Ward," he tossed off casually. "Your turn."

She sniffed and paced to stand in front of him. "Hama Strychae. My mother is the top aide to the hanar ambassador, and I have diplomatic immunity, so just stand aside and let me go." She was shorter than him, her scales a light orange color shading paler on her arms and hands, with rich brown stripes winding around her head and arms. Her eyes were a striking orange underneath the dark black sclera. He guessed she was around 16 or 17, and she carried herself with a rebellious air. Her clothing looked more appropriate to the lower wards, with holes purposefully torn in her faded pants and a too-big t-shirt extolling a music group Kolyat had never heard of slipping off one shoulder. Her fringes were lined with three gold hoops on each side. She looked like she was ready to push past him.

"Not so fast, seria. My boss told me to sort this out, and I can't do that by just taking a car ride down here and then back again. Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Kolyat had no intention of spending the next three years herding vorcha around, so he wasn't about to let her just walk away without doing something about it. He walked over to the chair to see what she had stolen.

Hama sighed in exasperation. "It's all a mistake," she said in a tone normally used to explain things to idiots. "I told them that my mother had already sent a credit letter to the store, and they just needed to go look for it."

"Uh huh," Kolyat nodded absently. "Your mother always send you letters of credit after your shoplifting sprees, or only when you get caught?"

"Hey! Watch what you're saying. I'm a member of the ambassador's staff, and you can't talk to me like that." Sparks were flying from her eyes, and she planted her hands on her hips. Kolyat had his back to her, but he was keeping an eye on her. He half expected her to stomp her foot in anger.

"I thought it was your mom who was on the diplomatic staff. Did the hanar hire you, too? You're not exactly exhibiting stellar diplomatic speaking skills here, kid."

That just riled her up more, like Kolyat expected. "I am NOT a kid." This time she did stomp her foot. "I'm seventeen. I'll be an adult in four more months..."

"And then your mom's diplomatic immunity won't cover you anymore, and I'll be throwing your ass in jail for shoplifting instead of just talking to you."

She was incensed that he'd cut her off. "You can't talk to me like that."

"I just did," he drawled with a wicked smile. He discovered he was having fun pushing her buttons. So much more fun than herding vorcha. "What are you going to do about it? Complain to your mom that the C-sec officer pointed out the truth? How many times has she told you the same thing? Maybe I should actually take you in and make you wait in a holding cell until your mom can come pick you up. Just for your safety, of course, to make sure an adult can escort you home. It is late, after all. Never know what sort of criminal element is lurking around the corner."

"You can't do that," she tried again.

"You seem awfully sure about what I can and can't do, but I'm willing to bet I've read the C-sec regs more recently than you. Shall we check?" Still with that grin, Kolyat brought up his omni-tool screen. He had been reading the regs, since Bailey made a habit of quizzing him on them. He hadn't read the diplomatic section yet, but she didn't have to know that.

"Look, what do you want? Money?"

Kolyat's grin disappeared and he stepped closer to the young drell. "You think you can bribe your way out of this? With me? With another drell? How long have you been gone from Kahje to think you can treat me like an alien?" he growled.

Hama squeaked and took a step backward. "No, no, it's just that...that the others always..." She faltered under Kolyat's withering glare.

"Others? How many times have you been tagged for shoplifting? Or worse?"

"Not very often," she finally admitted. "Just...please, don't tell my mom, okay? I don't like it here, but I don't want to go back to Kahje."

"Why not? Every other drell does. Don't you miss your family? Or did they all come to the Citadel?"

She shook her head and walked toward the back of the room. "Just my mom and me. My dad's back on Kahje. He got remarried, and I don't want to have to live with him and his new family, okay?"

Kolyat backed down. He thought he understood a little bit, now. Since the drell population was so small, large families had become a cultural imperative, and if a marriage didn't work out, the couple was encouraged to find new partners and have more children, although in practice that meant a lot of blended families that didn't always get along, or children who felt neglected when their parents split. But the drive for more children was so strong that it trumped individual feelings. Besides, most families had strong bonds to their extended relatives, and cousins might be closer than siblings or step-siblings. Kolyat was a rarity among drell, an only child, but he had plenty of cousins and usually didn't feel the lack of siblings. He'd never considered how it might feel to have a father that left him and his mother for another woman to start a new family. He'd always been too angry at his own father for simply abandoning them.

"Look," he said, "I'm sorry about your dad. But that isn't a good reason to go out and get in trouble, to get back at him. He won't even know unless you go back to Kahje, and you said you don't want to do that. So why are you really shoplifting? You don't need the credits, not if your mom's working on the ambassadorial staff."

Hama sniffled before she turned around to face Kolyat. "Because I'm bored. Because I'm good at it. Because I can't really get in trouble for it. There, happy now?"

Kolyat huffed but kept from laughing. "Not necessarily, although I am happy I got called here instead of picking up drunks tonight. But seriously, you can't be that good at it or you wouldn't have gotten caught this time, so what? Trying to get your practice thievery in before you turn eighteen?"

"Maybe," she answered him with a haughty tilt of her chin.

This time, he did laugh at her. "Kid, give it up. Pick something legit to try. By Arashu, you have opportunities here that other people would die for. You're living on the Citadel, your mom's working for the Ambassador. I'm sure you could do something that would be important."

"No." Both of Hama's hands flew outward in rejection. "I'm not working for the hanar. They got my mother, but they won't get me, too."

"What do you mean?" he asked puzzled.

"She's part of the Compact. That's why we're here. You don't work on the staff here unless you serve the Compact. It's a privilege, you know," she finished sarcastically.

Kolyat took a step back and scratched his arm absently. He had his own reason for hating the Compact, but he'd never seen anyone else who did. All the other drell on Kahje revered the Compact and considered it an honor above anything else to have a child chosen to serve. But his mother had hated it. She had blamed it for making his father go away on business. She never told him what that business was, and then his father had disappeared for good after his mother died. Now that he knew how his father served the Compact, a lot of things from his childhood suddenly made sense, but it didn't mean he was ready to forgive either his father or the hanar.

"So I've heard," he answered cynically. "Can't say I see where the privilege is, myself."

"Exactly," she said. "It's supposed to be an honor to travel to the Citadel, but my dad hated it. Said my mom cared more about her job than him, so he left. He went back to Kahje, and we stayed here. When I asked her why we had to stay, she just said she had an obligation, and dad couldn't accept it." She scrubbed at her eyes, then turned the questions back on Kolyat. "Why are you here? Why did you leave Kahje?"

"Ah, well, I was um..." He couldn't exactly tell her about his aborted attempt to start a career as an assassin after chewing her out about thievery. "I was looking for my dad." At her skeptical look, he added, "It's true. He...he served the Compact, too. He's been gone since I was a kid. I was looking for him. Thought I'd start here."

"Really?" she asked. "Find him yet?"

Now Kolyat laughed wryly. "Yeah, actually I did."

"And?" she prompted.

It took him a moment to answer. "It's been a long time. We...talked. It's a start."

"So is he still here?" she asked.

"No. He's on another mission." Kolyat couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. "Something very important. Again."

"Damn hanar," Hama muttered.

"Actually, he's not working for them anymore. He left the Compact. Now he's working for a human. Commander Shepard."

"Shepard? You're kidding." The look she was giving him made him pause.

"Why?"

"The Commander Shepard? Savior of the Citadel?"

"Yeah. Why?" he asked again.

"No way. And you called me a kid? Do you even know who she is?"

"Well, yeah. Of course." Kolyat was struggling to understand why she was so excited and didn't want to admit that he didn't know all the details of what Shepard was up to. If he never saw her again, it would be too soon, in his opinion. "So what?"

"This mission she's doing has the entire Council spun up. You wouldn't believe how much message traffic about her goes back and forth every day. The Council is keeping up with everywhere she's going, and apparently, there's a schism in the Council about whether they believe her or not."

"Believe her about what?" he asked. Kolyat tried to ignore the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I don't know exactly." Hama's frustration was clear. "Mom won't talk about the details, but every day there's an update on where she is and what she's doing. I wonder if the Ambassador is getting those updates because of your dad. If he's with Commander Shepard, he must be important. I've heard mom talk about the people she's working with. She said that the human had a talent for finding the best people in the galaxy in their field. So what does your dad do?"

This was a conversation that Kolyat did not want to continue. "He won't talk about it," is all he said. "Hey, I really do need to get you home. Bailey will have my scales if I just let you walk out of here, so I'm going to escort you home." He called up her address on his omni-tool. It would only take him fifteen minutes to walk her home. He tucked one hand under her elbow as they left the store. He nodded his thanks and goodbye to the shopkeeper on his way out.

"You really don't have to walk me home," Hama tried, but there wasn't much effort in her words.

"Yes, I really do," was his answer.

They walked along the Presidium river in silence for a while. "Where's your mom?" Hama asked.

"She died when I was ten."

"Oh. Sorry."

They were both avoiding looking at each other. "It was a long time ago."

"Well, at least you still have your dad. I hope you can work things out with him."

Kolyat snorted. "Yeah, we'll see about that." After a moment he added, "He is trying. I'll give him that. He keeps sending letters, telling me about the crazy people he's working with. I guess that means the crazy people are actually geniuses or something, according to your mom. He'll come by to see me when his ship docks at the Citadel."

Hama said, "Well, according to my mom, half of Shepard's crew are criminals. That's part of what's got the Council all stirred up. They appointed her a Spectre, she gets killed, then comes back to life two years later, and starts stirring up trouble in the Terminus. Even the humans aren't happy with her. I overheard Udina, the human Councilor, the other day. He was yelling to some military guy about how she was a traitor to her race, hanging out with criminals and aliens. For a Councilor, he doesn't seem to like aliens very much."

Kolyat nodded. "Seems like a lot of humans have that attitude. Probably because they're so new to the galaxy."

Hama nodded. "They're so aggressive, too. But I guess that works for them. It's only been thirty years and they already have a Council seat and a Spectre."

Kolyat's omni-tool beeped. He made a surprised sound when he checked it.

"What?" Hama asked.

"Speaking of fathers, mine just sent another message."

"Does he say where he's at?" she wanted to know.

Kolyat scowled at her. "Why?"

"Duh. Because he's with Shepard. I wish I could meet her and see if she's as amazing as everyone says."

Kolyat scanned the message. "Well, maybe you'll get your chance. He says they'll be at the Citadel in five days and wants to know if I'll meet him for dinner."

Hama clapped her hands together and smiled. "Perfect. My mom's hosting a party in a week. Very high society sort of thing. I'll see if she'll invite him and Shepard."

"Wait. You can't do that," Kolyat objected.

"Why not?"

"Because he's not high society. He hates parties."

"How do you know?" she asked in a reasonable tone.

"Because he never wanted to go to them when I was a kid." Kolyat's memories came back to him. His mother persuading his father to go to his cousin's birthday party. His father looked distinctly uncomfortable even though he agreed, and spent most of the party with his back against the wall, talking to his brothers-in-law while keeping an eye on Kolyat, but never joining in the games as some of the other parents did.

"Pssh." Hama waved away his arguments. "Those were kids' parties. This is totally different. Besides, I hear that Shepard is trying to get support for whatever big project she's involved in. She won't pass up the opportunity to talk to the hanar and drell, and if she comes, I bet your dad will, too."

Kolyat made a disagreeing rumble in his chest, but he was unable to refute Hama's logic. He knew a little bit about Shepard's mission, and he was afraid she was right about the human Commander's plan to unite the races against the Reapers.

Before he could think up any good reasons to dissuade Hama, they were at her apartment.

"Crap," she muttered. "Mom's already home. Okay, thanks. You can go back now."

Kolyat's grin came back, and he was thankful for the change of topic. "Oh no, I think I want to see how you handle explaining me to your mom." With that, he reached out and rang the door chime.

"Kolyat," she hissed at him. The annoyance in her subvocals came through loud and clear.

"Better get hold of yourself, or your mom's going to figure out right away you're in trouble," he whispered to her.

Hama fidgeted with her shirt and took a deep breath before she reached out to open the door. "It's just me, mom."

Hama's mother was just reaching for the door on her side, and her inner eyelids fluttered in surprise to see her daughter in the presence of a C-sec officer.

Kolyat bowed respectfully. "Good evening, Sera. I'm your daughter's escort this evening. Officer Krios, Sera."

Hama took after her mother in coloration. Her mother was a darker orange with stripes that were almost black. "Officer Krios, good evening. Hama, would you explain why you have a C-sec officer escorting you home?"

"I was a witness to a burglary, mom. He was taking my statement, then said he'd walk me home since it was late."

Kolyat gave the young girl credit. If he didn't know any better, he wouldn't have been able to tell she was lying. She completely suppressed the usual subvocals that gave away lying in drells. He wondered if it came naturally to her, or if she picked it up by virtue of being around diplomats all the time. He would have to watch his own tone and word choice carefully. He never had been a very good liar. However, watching her mother, he had a feeling that she wasn't entirely fooled. "Your daughter was very cooperative, Sera."

"My name is Milar Strychae, and you have my thanks, Sere Krios. Will you come in?"

"No thank you, Sera. I need to report back to my office. Good evening, Sera, Seria. Stay out of trouble, Seria," he said with a wink and a devilish grin as he turned away. Let her try and explain that remark to her mother. He know that he wasn't the only one who heard her puff and rumble in irritation, and that only made him grin wider as he walked to the transit stop.

* * *

A/N: Yes, you will be seeing more of these characters. Since this is a Shrios fanfic, a lot of the side stories will focus on drell society. Yes, there is a lot going on in the rest of the galaxy, and we'll see the fallout from it, but this is where I choose to focus my attention. Let me know what you think.


	10. A Third Chance

When Kolyat reported to work the next morning, Bailey sent him a message to report to his office first thing. Kolyat was sure it had something to do with Hama, but he didn't think he'd done anything wrong. Bailey hadn't said anything to him the night before, so what had happened overnight?

"Well, kid, looks like you caught the attention of some important people," Bailey told him.

Kolyat was suddenly worried. "What did I do?"

"Went and got yourself reassigned, for one thing," Bailey groused. "Just when I start getting ya trained up, they go and transfer you. Oh well, it's only a temporary assignment. Hope you shined your shoes this morning. You're going up to the Presidium again, hanar ambassador's office. You're to report to Milar Strychae. Says she's the hanar's diplomatic attaché, whatever the hell that means."

Kolyat looked at Bailey in stunned surprise. "Why me?"

"Hell if I know, kid. Best guess is because you're a drell. You're certainly not experienced enough for what they're normally looking for. Now go on. You're supposed to report by oh nine hundred, and that gives you just enough time to catch a taxi upside." Kolyat walked slowly away, listening to Bailey grumbling as he sorted through stacks of data pads on his desk.

His mind was going a million miles a minute. Obviously, his being a drell was part of it, but was it also because of his family? Hama said something about his father being important because of his connection to Commander Shepard. He supposed he owed Shepard his gratitude for keeping him out of jail, but his pride was still sore about how the human surprised him so easily and then was privy to the conversation between him and his father. But then again, his father had probably already told Shepard all about their pathetic past.

Even when he reached the hanar ambassador's suite, he couldn't still his thoughts. The receptionist directed him to Milar's office, and he was admitted immediately. "Good morning, Sere Krios," Milar greeted him. "Please, have a seat."

Kolyat looked around. The office was sumptuously furnished in soothing colors of tan, green and lavender that reminded him of the oceans of Kahje. Milar's desk was made of _ragalh_ wood, a rarity on the mostly-ocean world of Kahje. It spoke to her prestige and power in the diplomatic world. Milar was dressed in a heavy synth silk suit in a dark green that suited her coloring. Kolyat sat down cautiously in one of the two chairs facing Milar's desk. "Please, Sera, just call me Officer Krios. Sere reminds me too much of my father."

"If you wish, Officer. It is you I wish to discuss, not your father, however." She leaned back in her chair and considered Kolyat. "My daughter is not as accomplished a liar as she thinks she is. I know why you were summoned to the Presidium last night, and I thank you and Captain Bailey for your discretion in handling the matter."

Kolyat managed to keep from showing his surprise and waited for Milar to continue.

"I'm sure Captain Bailey has already told you that I've requested you be reassigned to our office for a week. What he didn't tell you, because I didn't tell him, is that this is to be a trial period, and if everyone is agreeable, at the end, you will be permanently transferred to the security staff for the hanar ambassador's office. Yes, I know you're new." She waved away his objection before he could do more than open his mouth. "I also know why you joined C-sec. I can't say I approve of your previous career choice, especially considering your complete lack of training in the area, but I did like your drive to get out and away from Kahje, and your subsequent dedication to C-sec speaks well of your character. If I can confirm my intuition about your character, you are just the sort of person we want to have on staff here." She waited for Kolyat's response.

This time, he couldn't stop his inner eyelids from fluttering as he tried to figure out how she knew about his aborted assassination attempt. He'd looked in the C-sec files and had been unable to find any security footage of him and his father in the holding cell or of his assassination attempt. Finally he focused on Milar, who was still waiting patiently for him. "How?"

She tsked. "Come now, Officer Krios. Do you really think I'd reveal sources before I'm sure of your loyalty? Try again."

He tried the next logical question. "Why?" And what did she mean by the loyalty remark? He filed that away to investigate later.

"Much better," she nodded. "You know most drell prefer to stay on Kahje. It's rare to find one that travels off-world, and even more rare to find one who travels at his own behest. To find such a one employed by C-sec and with favorable comments in his service record after just a few months is a find more precious than an asteroid of eezo. It only remains to be seen the quality of your honor, young man. Tell me, do you pay much attention to politics?"

Recognizing a test, he tried to be diplomatic. "Only in general terms. Things seem fairly stable back on Kahje as far as relations between drell and hanar. The humans have been agitating things ever since the human-turian war, but when Shepard saved the Council, it seemed to smooth over a little bit, and now they have a Council seat of their own." He did his best to keep the bitterness out of his voice, thinking of the upstart race who'd beat the hanar, volus, drell and other established races out of a Council seat in just three decades.

Milar tapped her fused fingers on the table. "Is that all?"

Kolyat thought furiously. Was she looking for his knowledge of galactic politics, or those back on Kahje. Given her position, he rather thought it was the galactic level. "The Terminus systems are as stable as they ever are, which probably means they'll launch an attack on human colonies within a few months. I know Shepard has been asking the Council for resources to fight the Reaper threat she's been talking about, but the Council is resisting, especially the turian Councilor." He looked up at her, and she still seemed to be waiting for more. "Udina is working hard, but he seems to be alienating the other Councilors, or at least he's not making a lot of friends. He doesn't seem to care much for Shepard, either, from what I hear. Not that I can blame him." Kolyat unconsciously rubbed his jaw.

"You know Commander Shepard?" Milar asked.

"We met briefly. I thought you knew the whole story."

"I'd like to hear your side of it."

Kolyat kept his growl private. He wasn't fond of the idea of confessing his multiple failures to someone he barely knew.

Milar sensed his hesitation. "As you said, I know the story, but I'd like to hear your impressions of the Commander. Don't worry. Your words won't leave this room, and I can guarantee there are no listening devices."

Kolyat hadn't even thought about bugs, and the thought flashed through his mind that if he was going to work here, he had a lot to learn very fast. He dragged his thoughts back to Shepard. "She's effective," he admitted grudgingly. "I thought I just might be able to get out of that situation by myself, up until C-sec showed up. Then I thought either Bailey or Shepard would shoot me to save the turian. Instead, she found another way. She distracted me. Made me realize I'm not cut out to be an assassin, for which I'm grateful. Then she managed to work a deal with Bailey to keep me out of the court system. People seem to love her, or at least admire her. Myself included. I don't like her much, but I have to admire the way she can get things done. Plus she recruited my dad, and he's very selective about his employers now."

"I thought you hadn't had any contact with him in ten years?" she questioned him.

"I haven't, but we've been writing since we met a few months ago. He's been quite candid about what he's doing now. Well, aside from the operational security stuff."

"So you don't know where he's at?"

"Only when he's coming to the Citadel. He'll talk about places they've been, though. Shepard's cutting quite a path through the galaxy."

Milar made a noncommittal hum deep in her throat. "If you've decided that being an assassin is not for you, for which I commend your intelligence, how do you feel about working for C-sec?"

Kolyat shrugged. "For an involuntary job, it's not bad. Bailey's a decent guy. I'm learning how to fight with guns and hand to hand. It's a decent way to stay out of jail, plus it pays a salary."

"Is that all it is? Service to extirpate your crime?"

Kolyat thought. "I don't much like the jobs I've been given, but that's mostly because it's just herding drunks and vorcha. I'd like to find out more about some of the crimes C-sec investigates, but Bailey says I'm not ready yet. I figured it was because he knows he can give me the crap jobs and I can't complain."

"If this works out, I can guarantee that you'll be far busier investigating much more interesting things that drunks or sordid domestic disputes," Milar informed him with a tight smile. "Let us discuss the matter of your temporary assignment. My daughter has a similar situation to yours, and likewise, she must serve her penance for her crime, and I would prefer to keep it out of the public eye. I have tasked her with community service, helping the _drala'fa_ in the lower wards. Given her position, she must have security when she travels there, but I'm loathe to dispatch our regular security force. This will be a good task for you. When you're not with Hama in the lower wards, I'll have some tasks for you here. Something to test that intelligence of yours."

There was nothing he could say to that except "Yes, Sera."

"You'll begin this morning, Officer. Hama is expected there in one hour. That will be all for now." Milar picked up a data pad, and Kolyat was obviously dismissed.

Hama was waiting for him when he exited Milar's office. "Mom said she was getting someone interesting to escort me to the lower wards. I have to admit, I'm glad it's you," she told him with a shy smile. The bravado from last night was gone. Whatever Milar had said to her had had an obvious effect on her attitude.

Kolyat held back his sigh. At least babysitting was a step up from herding drunks, and Hama was a darn sight better to look at than his current C-sec partner. Remembering his thoughts that he had a lot to learn about galactic diplomacy, he decided to start with Hama. Hopefully she'd be willing to give him insight into a world he'd barely paid attention to until thirty minutes ago.

"Let's go serve our unofficial sentence," he said as he gestured for her to proceed him to the car.

* * *

On the Normandy, Shepard was making her usual late night stop at Life Support, model kit in hand. This time, it was a quarian liveship. "Evening, Thane," she said with a warm smile.

"Siha," he greeted her just as warmly.

"Incredibly awesome leader?" she guessed.

He shook his head with a quirk of his lips. It had become a game between them. She promised not to look it up on the extranet, but to try and guess the meaning. "Getting closer, though," he informed her.

"I'll have to add some more superlatives next time, then." She smiled again when she saw the steaming mug of tea waiting for her at her customary seat.

"How many models do you have now?" he asked, taking his own seat.

She closed her eyes to think. "Six now. I've got two more in my closet waiting to be put together, then I think I may be running out of room. Not sure what I'll do when that happens. Maybe I can take up outer space basket weaving," she joked. From his puzzled look, she guessed it didn't translate well. "Never mind," she said. "Anyway, I have something I wanted to talk to you about tonight. I got an invitation." She pulled a data pad out of the model box and handed it over.

Thane read through it and looked up at her in surprise. "A hanar embassy party?"

She nodded as she blew to cool off her tea. "For myself and a plus one. It didn't mention you specifically, and I wondered if you had gotten your own invitation. I can't imagine that I'd bring anyone besides you unless you were already planning to attend."

He shook his head slowly. "No, I have received no such invitation. I sense several undercurrents at work here."

She laughed once. "No kidding. I think the turian Councilor would just as soon I disappear again, and Udina looks like he smells a vorcha every time I go into his office. The only reason I visit is to annoy him and say hi to Anderson. But the hanar...what political advantage do they see in inviting me?"

"I haven't had a chance to tell you yet, but in Kolyat's latest message, he mentioned that he had been transferred temporarily to the hanar embassy security."

Shepard's raised an eyebrow at that news. "Really? Quite a plum position for a rookie with a questionable past. How did he swing that?"

Thane laughed. "As far as I can tell, simply because he is drell. However, he left out certain details I would have expected to hear, which makes me wonder what is not being said. I very much look forward to seeing him when we dock and can speak without being overheard."

Shepard sighed and sank into her seat. "Have I mentioned that I hate politics? Probably why I'm not very popular with the Council. So anyway, what about these mysterious currents you mentioned?"

"The hanar have long been seeking a seat on the Council, and it caused quite a disturbance when humans were granted one after the Battle of the Citadel. There were talks of trade embargoes and economic attacks, but the hanar economy is not big enough to make that a credible threat to the other races. At one point, the hanar were poised to dismiss the ambassadors on Kahje back to their homeworlds, but a last minute deal was brokered, the details of which were kept secret. I did not pay it much mind at the time, given my preoccupation with other matters."

Shepard fiddled with her model while she thought. "It's not much secret that I'm trying to build coalition support against the Reaper threat. I'm trying to beat some sense into someone, anyone, before we go against the Collectors." Unsaid was the implication that they might not survive that mission.

"Perhaps the hanar see a way to increase their prestige through you. Regardless of your lack of political savvy, your reputation is quite formidable outside of the Council. Even I had heard of the Savior of the Citadel and the Hero of the Skyllian Blitz, although to be honest, I was disappointed that you didn't breathe fire and shoot lasers from your eyes when we met." Only the slightest narrowing of his eyes gave away his amusement.

She laughed. "Well, my eyes do still glow red in combat. I can see where you would be confused. So, will you be my plus one?" At his confused look, she added, "My date for the night. The invitation was for myself plus one, and I can't see taking Zaeed or Grunt. I need someone to help me understand the hanar. I'm always afraid I'm going to offend one of them. I think I need etiquette lessons."

"I would be honored, siha," he answered. "Both to accompany you and to provide you insight into hanar customs beforehand. There is always another possibility. Perhaps it is simply because Kolyat requested your presence. From his conversation, you made quite an impression on him."

She looked skeptical. "I met him for all of five minutes, and that included me punching him."

"As I said, quite an impression. I doubt anyone else ever introduced themselves to him in quite the same way."

She gave him an impish grin. "I'll have to think of something better for the party, then."

"I thought you were trying to build support, not get thrown out," Thane teased. He found the piece she was looking for and handed it to her. If their hands brushed together overlong, neither one minded.


	11. Collisions

The day started off great. Shepard made contact with the master thief Kasumi Goto almost as soon as she stepped off the Normandy. A brief conversation, and Ms. Goto was stowing her belongings in the Normandy.

In desperation, she'd stopped in to see Miranda earlier in the morning. Now she and the Cerberus agent were out shopping for an evening dress for her to wear to the hanar embassy party tomorrow night. If someone had told her even two months ago that she'd be bonding with the curvaceous beauty over such frivolities as dresses and shoes, she'd have told them to go suck vacuum, but it turned out that Miranda had a classic sense of style and knew several upscale boutiques in the Presidium. When Shepard blanched at the cost of one gown, Miranda shrugged.

"Miranda, I can buy a top of the line pistol for what they're charging. This is insane!" she hissed to the brunette while the sales lady was out of earshot.

"Let Cerberus pay for it, Shepard. The Illusive Man can afford it, and we know you need to build support. You may win more at this party than you could with an entire armory of weapons."

It took her a couple more shops before she could relax enough to enjoy the experience. While Shepard would have settled for the first one that fit decently, Miranda was more discriminating. Shepard found it somewhat disconcerting that Miranda seemed to know what would fit her better than she did herself, but she had to admit that everything the Cerberus agent picked out was stunning. It was simply a matter of picking the degree of stunning.

Finally, she stood in front of the mirror and they both nodded. "That's the one," Miranda stated. Shepard stood looking at herself in bemusement, hands running down the smooth silk of the dress that hugged her body. It was a rich golden color that complimented her skin and hair. Peekaboo cutouts lined with fine mesh wound around the dress, barely showing off her stomach and the sides of her legs. The gown was sleeveless, though, which made Shepard brush her arms self-consciously. "It doesn't hide the reconstruction scars."

"The drell will appreciate them. It's another form of marking. To them, unmarked skin is an anomaly. Besides, this is stunning on you. Time you stopped wearing sweats and armor all the time," Miranda smirked. She went off looking for shoes and returned with a pair of strappy heels in the same rich gold. "Hope you know how to walk in these."

Shepard returned the smirk. "I have actually worn a dress or two in my life, so yes. Although these are taller than I'm used to." She eyed the four inch heels in trepidation before slipping them on.

"The height will help. It will put you closer to eye level with the hanar, or whatever they use to see with. There, perfect," Miranda said. "We'll take it," she told the saleswoman.

Afterward, they had lunch at an open air cafe in the Presidium. Talk inevitably turned to Cerberus and Miranda's history with them. Shepard tried to keep an open mind, but she couldn't forget the horrors she'd seen two years ago, not to mention the assassination of Admiral Kahoku.

"Shepard, you don't get it. This is war, and the stakes are unbelievably high. It's no different from you going up against Eclipse or Blue Suns. The Illusive Man and Cerberus are playing in a very elite arena where economics and politics mix. Usually you never see the players maneuvering because they operate in the shadows or use proxy agents. The Illusive Man is different. He's been aware of the Reaper threat for years. I don't know how, but when Sovereign showed up, he simply said, 'it's late.' Then he went on about his business. He knows we don't have time to waste, and he's doing everything in his power to protect and prepare humanity. That means he can't waste time operating in the shadows anymore. All of his power and his wealth are directed to just one cause, saving humanity."

Shepard looked out over the luxurious homes and shops that ringed the Presidium as she considered. "So the ends justify the means?"

"What about you, Shepard? I know every bit of your service history. You were called the Hero of the Skyllian Blitz, but there are several discrepancies in the reports that indicate your hands are more than a little bloody. And your actions as the first human Spectre? How do you explain the execution of Dr. Saleon? You accuse Cerberus of underhanded assassinations, but the Illusive Man is fighting to keep his organization alive. What was your excuse? Dr. Saleon posed no threat to you. You could have brought him in to stand trial, but instead, you shot him in cold blood."

Shepard tried not to flinch at Miranda's description. She gave silent thanks that at least the other woman didn't know it was Garrus who had pulled the trigger, and she vowed that she'd never let her know, either.

"Yeah, well, actually being dead has made me reconsider a lot of things." She signaled the server for another glass of wine. Having your flaws examined so bluntly over lunch seemed to require more alcohol.

"Look, Shepard, I know Cerberus has made some mistakes, and pushing hard for results tends to lead to less oversight, but without it, we never would have had the technology to bring you back when we did. The Illusive Man is considering the biggest picture there is - the survival of the human race. If you had to sacrifice a thousand to save a billion, would you?"

Shepard scowled at the napkin in her lap. "Yes, damn it. You know I would, too. I'd also sacrifice everyone on the Normandy, if I had to. Does that change your outlook any?" she challenged.

Miranda answer was cool and considered. "Not at all, Shepard. We all knew the risk when we signed up. Everyone on the Normandy is a volunteer. We're here because we share the same vision. Besides, I also know your drive to protect those under your command. You won't spend lives needlessly. Those are the qualities that make you such an inspiring leader. It's what we need. It's what humanity needs."

"Look, Miranda, let's get one thing straight. I'm not doing this for humanity. I'm doing it for the galaxy, for all the sapient races that exist. Turians, asari, krogans, even the damn vorcha. I intend to destroy the Reapers so that everyone can continue living. However ruthless I may be, I won't needlessly sacrifice one race in favor of another."

Miranda nodded. "I know that, Shepard. But the Illusive Man is willing to bet that you'll make sure that humanity is among the survivors."

Shepard drained her wine in one long drink. "We're getting ahead of ourselves. We have to destroy the Collectors first. One battle at a time, Miri."

The brunette nodded her acquiescence. "Of course, Shepard."

Later that afternoon, Shepard spent some time getting acquainted with their latest addition, Kasumi. She didn't know if she should be impressed at Kasumi's obvious thieving skills or offended that such valuable objects were now showcased in the Normandy's port lounge. She settled for polite interest. They were beautiful objects, if nothing else, and she wasn't about to turn Kasumi in. She left with Kasumi's promise to make her look exquisite for the hanar party tomorrow. She had a feeling that Kasumi was the type to happily meddle in everyone's affairs just to keep things interesting.

Thane was visiting his son that evening, and Mordin couldn't be dragged from his lab, but she managed to cajole the rest of her specialists out for an evening at Dark Star. Joker made her promise that she wouldn't dance, though, at least not until she'd had five or six drinks. Jacob helped her reach that goal in record time, and it was only her new cybernetics that let her keep up. The former soldier could drink like a fish! Garrus talked her into venturing onto the dance floor. Between the two of them, they cleared a couple square meters as their fellow dancers stayed clear of flailing limbs, but that only made the two of them laugh harder.

"I'm thirsty again," she complained to Garrus. "Go get me another beer."

"Get it yourself. While you're at it, get me a turian brandy, the good stuff they have here. You still owe me for the mission to get Samara." He winked and nudged her hard enough she stumbled backward a couple of steps.

"Hey, watch it!" She punched him in the arm indignantly, then yelped as her knuckles rang against his natural armor. "Goddamit!"

"You'd think you'd learn to stop punching me by now, Shepard." Garrus was openly grinning at her now.

Shepard pressed her knuckles up against her lips and sucked the pain away. "I swear I'm going to buy some brass knuckles tomorrow and keep them around just to use on you. And maybe Grunt," she added.

"Go ahead," he goaded her with a laugh. "Still won't make a dent. Now go get me that drink. You know you owe me." He gave her a much gentler shove in the direction of the bar and turned to dance with a friendly asari maiden who'd been eyeing them both for the last five minutes.

Grumbling under her breath, she pushed her way through the crowd to the bar. She still didn't have her own credit account restored, but she had access to the Cerberus one for the Normandy, and right now, she figured the Illusive Man owed her a few drinks. While she was waiting on the bartender, she turned to survey the crowd. The music was a heavy techno beat, and the place was packed tonight. The dance floor was filling up fast, and Garrus was lost among the multitude. She'd rib him no end if he ended up with that asari tonight. She wondered what interspecies sex between a turian and asari would be like, then blamed the alcohol in her blood for the graphic images that filled her mind. It had been too long since she'd had any intimacy, and between the alcohol, the music, and the sexuality oozing from the dancers, she was beginning to miss it. Feeling even more flushed, she downed half her beer and signaled for something stronger from the bartender.

She looked out over the dancers again, seeing a mix of mainly humans, asari and turians. There were a few quarians who stood out when the strobe lighting highlighted their masks. She felt her cheeks heat up a few more degrees when she realized she was scanning the crowd for any hint of a green-skinned drell. She mentally berated herself for even looking. She couldn't imagine the stoic, calm Thane mingling in this crowd of writhing dancers. That, of course, set her mind wandering in a whole new direction.

She imagined dancing with him out there, the press of other bodies forcing her closer to him until they were almost touching. She could feel the heat of his body, reach out and feel the soft leather of his coat. In her mind, she called up the image of his full and sensual lips, then imagined how they would feel against hers. Soft, warm, demanding. She blinked when the turian bartender tapped her on the shoulder and gestured to her drink. It was so loud that talking was almost impossible. She paid and made her way back through the dancers with both her drink and Garrus', although if she didn't find him in the next few minutes, she was going to hand it off to the first lucky turian she ran into.

An asari and a good looking human male were dancing and grinding on each other, and the press of the crowd was pushing her up against them. They seemed to take that as an invitation and their dancing expanded to include her. Suddenly she was sandwiched between the two and found herself caught up in their dance. None of the Normandy crew were visible, so she shrugged and joined them. It wouldn't hurt to dance for a while, especially since no one would make fun of her and the one she really wanted to dance with was hanging out with his son.

She was tired of holding two drinks, so she shoved the brandy at a nearby turian who grinned toothily at her, and downed the rest of hers. Then she let herself get lost in the beat and sway of the crowd. The male moved behind her and ran his hands down her arms while the asari swayed seductively in front of her. Between the alcohol and the two dancers, she was becoming less self-conscious and relaxed into the beat. She pressed back against the male and beckoned the asari closer. The music segued seamlessly from one song to another, and she swayed and jumped along with everyone else. With this type of music and this many people, you didn't have to actually be able to dance. Simply moving and gyrating was more than enough for anyone out there.

The first hint she had of something wrong was the way the asari's eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in a universal sign of appreciation for whoever she was looking at. However, her appreciative gaze was centered just behind Shepard and that was enough to make her worry. Hands slid around either side of her waist and held firmly just above her hips. She stiffened. Something was off. The body behind her felt different from the human male she had been pressed up against just a second ago, but she hadn't felt anyone shoving behind her. She turned around, and her eyes widened in shock.

"Thane!"

The look he gave her was the closest to open amusement she had ever seen from him. He leaned in close so she could hear him. "You should pay more attention to your surroundings, siha. Failing that, you should keep company with someone who has a vested interest in keeping you safe." His hands rested against her hips again, and he was much closer than they had ever been on the Normandy.

Feeling like she was greatly daring, Shepard laid her hands on his shoulders and moved with him to the beat of the music. "Someone like you? What would be your interest then?"

"So that you can save humanity from the Collectors, of course."

"Always so altruistic, Thane. Someday, I'll cure you of that."

"I think you already have, siha," he replied as he stroked her side. "I did not say that that was my only reason for keeping watch over you."

"Are you going to share your other reason?"

"Perhaps."

"What? Do I have to get you drunk to spill it?"

"I try to avoid alcohol in public places. Especially if I'm going to watch out for you. I have noticed that trouble tends to follow you, and I would not wish to have my abilities dulled by drink when you need them most."

She grinned at him. "I'm no damsel in distress, Thane. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty good at pulling my own ass out of the fire by now."

"Yes, but in the cases I have witnessed, you have had both armor and weapons. Tonight, you have neither."

Her grin grew wider. "Then you don't know me well enough yet. Rest assured, I never step off the Normandy without a weapon of some sort. And there's always this." She let a trickle of biotic energy flare at her fingertips and soak into his shoulders. At that low power, it would generate no more than a pleasant tingle. She felt his shoulder shiver slightly as the dark energy flowed between them.

He pushed her back a step, still keeping his hands on her hips, as his eyes raked her up and down. She was wearing only a pair of jeans, a loose plain black shirt, and a pair of boots. She'd gotten tired of having only Cerberus clothes to wear and had picked up some casual wear after the dress excursion with Miranda earlier. She knew he was looking for a telltale bulge of a gun or knife, and she was waiting to see how long it would take for him to find it. When his hands ghosted up her back, she smiled again. He traced the outline of her pistol holster against the small of her back. "Much smaller caliber than you usually take," he remarked as he pulled her close again.

"I'm an expert marksman. Don't need to blow their head off if I can put a bullet in their eyeball. I'm not always about the big explosions, Thane," she teased.

A smile ghosted over his lips. "Really? Given the data I have thus far by accompanying you on missions, I would have said you were all about the big explosions."

"An unfortunate side effect of watching too many action vids as a kid," she said. "I'll invite you to join me and Joker on our next movie night.

"I would be honored," he said with a nod of his head.

"See, you're always so formal. I'll cure you of that as well. In fact, I'm shocked to find you out on the dance floor. You don't strike me as the dancing type." Not that she minded. In fact, Shepard found dancing with Thane to be a delight. He had maneuvered them to the far edge of the crowd where there were fewer bodies packed around them, and somehow with Thane, dancing became more about a partnership and less about throwing her body around to the beat of the music. She'd been comfortable with Thane as a partner in the battlefield for a long time now. This was simply a different sort of battlefield.

"This is not dancing," Thane said dismissively. "This is people trying to lose themselves in music and drink, or looking for a partner to join with in the darkness and celebrate life at its most primal."

"You dance, do you?" she challenged.

"I was trained in drell and hanar formal dances, yes. Plus dancing in places such as this can be a good way to blend in or get close to a target."

Shepard looked at him in surprise. "You are the most interesting man I know, Thane Krios. What other secrets are locked away in here?" she asked as she pressed a hand against his chest.

He covered her hand with his own, curling his fingers around her palm. "Stay with me and find out," he offered.

She drew in a quick breath and squeezed his hand in surprise. "I'd like that." She closed the last bit of distance between their bodies. Their slow dancing didn't match the techno beat anymore, but neither of them noticed.

They'd been dancing around each other for months now, just as slowly, with everything from battlefield innuendos to 'accidental' touches in the mess hall. Even though she'd tried to fight against it in the beginning, she found herself falling helplessly head over heels in love with Thane, her seductive drell assassin. She was never one for subtlety, in either romantic or friendly relationships. Long ago, Ashley had compared her to a bull in a china shop, but the Chief wasn't the first to make that association. So even though Shepard had hoped she was reading the signs correctly from Thane, she'd always been afraid that she was misinterpreting his attention. It was hard enough with human men, and throw in the fact that he was alien and it was ten times more complicated for her. But this...this she could understand. And she liked it.

Of course, the universe refused to let her life be simple. Her omni tool flashed at that moment with a message from Garrus. She huffed her breath out in frustration, then smiled an apology to Thane. He smiled back and released her just far enough to access her omni tool. She replied to his message informing him that she'd lost his drink and found her assassin, and he should leave her alone the rest of the evening. He wasn't much more subtle than she was, but he was used to her by now. He replied back almost immediately with nothing more than a wink.

"So where were we?" she asked as she pressed up against him again, but she immediately noticed a new tension in his body. "What?"

"I believe someone is looking for you," he rumbled as he nodded to the entrance. "He came in a few minutes ago and was scanning the crowd. When he looked in this direction, he studied you for several seconds and is now making his way here." Thane spun her so she could look where he had directed.

"Shit." The man cutting through the crowd was none other than Kaidan Alenko.


	12. Rebound

Some days, you couldn't win for losing, Shepard mused. She was dancing with her new boyfriend on a crowded dance floor while her old boyfriend, the same one who'd insinuated she was a traitor, was bearing down on her like an Alliance frigate. Kaidan was dressed in civvies - a dark pair of cargo pants with a chest hugging dark blue shirt that emphasized his trim form. Resigned that he had spotted her, she stopped dancing and waited for Kaidan to approach. Thane stood behind her with his off hand still wrapped around her and holding onto her hip. He had picked up on her distress, but since she wasn't reacting as if to a danger, he stood relaxed but ready to lend support if needed.

Kaidan stopped in front of her. His eyes flickered from her to the drell behind her, then down to the green hand resting on her side before coming back to her face. "Shepard," he said by way of greeting.

"Alenko," she returned, just as formal and waited for him to talk. When he hesitated, she sighed and stepped back on one foot and crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you want, Kaidan?"

"I want to talk, Shepard. Privately," he added with another look at Thane.

"Not now, Kaidan. I'm kinda busy tonight. Having a good time," she added with a sharp edge to her voice.

"Tomorrow, then," he tried.

"Busy tomorrow, too." She still hadn't sorted out her feelings for Kaidan. When he'd walked away on Horizon, she had been distraught, pouring her heart out to Garrus for companionship and understanding. Later, she had pushed her feelings for Kaidan far down inside and refused to examine them. As a couple, they were over, she had decided. Then he sent her that damn letter which had only made her more angry and confused. She had never responded to it, had written him off. Then she had recruited Thane, and Kaidan seemed much less important. Until now, when he had tracked her down in a noisy nightclub to apparently hash it out.

"Listen, Shepard, we need to talk. About us." Again his gaze flickered to the drell behind her.

Shepard bit her tongue and counted to ten. "Kaidan, this isn't the place to have this discussion."

"We can go somewhere else. Do you know how hard you are to find? You never replied to my letter, Shepard. I want to talk to you before you leave the Citadel again. I want...I need to explain myself." He looked at her with the dark, soulful eyes that she remembered so well. She could see his pain in them. Well too bad. She had more than her own share of pain.

"Maybe not replying was your answer, Kaidan. Did you think about that?" She couldn't believe she was having this conversation here, in front of Thane. What she had with the assassin was so new and fragile she wasn't even sure what it was. "Kaidan, not now," she said again and turned away from him.

"Yes, now, Shepard." He stepped closer so that she had to look at him, disregarding Thane's silent threat as he drew Shepard closer to him. She had to hand it to him; Kaidan had never been one to back down from a threat.

She closed her eyes and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine, Kaidan. You want to talk, we'll talk. Here. Now. You listen to me, this time. You walked away from me when I needed you most, when I needed to talk to you about Cerberus, about what they did to me, and about what I was doing. There was so much I was uncertain about, so many questions. The only one I trusted was Garrus, and when I saw you on Horizon I was practically giddy with joy. I couldn't believe I'd found you, and I thought I could talk to you and you'd listen and we'd figure out what to do. Together. But you automatically assumed the worst about me. You didn't even try to listen to my side. You called me a liar and a traitor and implied that you were morally superior because you would never turn your back on the Alliance. What choice did I have, Kaidan? It was Cerberus who brought me back and gave me the resources to save the human colonies. The Alliance froze me out when I came to talk to them, and meanwhile, the Collectors are still out there abducting humans. I couldn't stand by and do nothing while the Alliance sits on its hands and dithers about the problem. Cerberus is the only one who's doing anything, so if I have to work with them, then by God, that's what I'm going to do. My allegiance is to humanity, to life, Kaidan. That's a hell of a lot more important than my oath to the Alliance. I'll do whatever it takes, work with whoever I need to, in order to save lives. Can you say the same? Or is your honor more important than saving lives?"

Kaidan stared at her during her rant, and she saw him wince at her last question. "But you disappeared after the Normandy was destroyed. Two years! You just fell off the grid. Then you show up again on a Cerberus ship, wearing a Cerberus logo, on a planet that we'd been tipped off was going to be attacked by Cerberus forces! What the hell was I supposed to think?"

"I wasn't 'off-grid', Kaidan. I was dead. D-E-A-D, dead! Spaced!" She stabbed her finger at his chest for emphasis. "According to Jacob, I was meat and tubes on a table for the better part of a year. I don't know how they did it, but they brought me back. And Cerberus is a lot of things, but they've never been accused of acting against humanity's greater interest. They're pro-human. That's why they brought me back, so that I could figure out who was attacking the colonies and stop them. And that's what I intend to do."

"But the Alliance has more resources, Shepard. Come back with me, and we'll get Udina and the Alliance to listen. We'll get you the ships you need. You can't go up against the Collectors with one frigate and a motley collection of mercs. I can help." Kaidan was pleading now, all the emotion he'd tried to convey in his letter out in the open.

Shepard shook her head. "It's too late, Kaidan. It was too late when you walked away on Horizon. You made your choice clear, and...and as much as I was angry, I also respect you. You have your honor. You're a good soldier. Our paths coincided for a while, but it's time to move on." She paused for a second, then added in a softer voice, "You were right about one thing on Horizon, Kaidan. I'm not the same person I was. I can't ignore what I've seen, and if that means I have to take another path to victory, one that's unsanctioned by the Alliance, that's what I'm going to do. Go back. Maybe you can convince the Alliance the threat is real, and if I don't come back, it'll be up to you to protect humanity." The anger was suddenly gone as she looked at him again. "Good bye, Kaidan. It was an honor serving with you."

She walked back into the crush on the dance floor, ignoring Kaidan's outstretched hand. She pushed through the crowd, ignoring the occasional outbursts and curses as she trod on feet and pushed people out of the way in her bull-in-a-china-shop mode. She didn't even bother looking back and so missed the look Thane gave Kaidan just before he slipped into the crowd to follow her. If she had, she might have noticed Kaidan finally take a step backward from the reproach visible in Thane's expression before he disappeared.

Shepard made a beeline for the nearest rapid transit car available. The only reaction she had when Thane slid into the car beside her was to study him for a second, then punch in her destination. Without a word between them, the car flew into the air and headed toward the Presidium.

Thane respected her silence as they reached the Presidium. "Walk with me?" she asked as she headed up a floor. They reached a balcony that was set back from the edge further than most. The foliage around it was pink-tinted green with showy flowers, and a small sign indicated that it came from Thessia. She had discovered this place years ago, on her first trip to the Citadel. It was rarely occupied, being so small and set back, making it her favorite hangout when she had time to spare, which was increasingly rare. She rested her hands on the balcony rail and looked down the length of the Citadel at the five arms lit by the Widow star. "I guess you deserve to know what that was about," she said without looking at him.

He demurred. "Your secrets are your own, siha.

She shook her head with a sad smile. "It's not a secret, at least not a very well kept one. It was just ignored by those who cared because there were bigger issues to deal with. Anyway, you've been open with me. I should do the same." She turned around to lean back against the railing and sighed. "Kaidan Alenko served under me on the Normandy SR-1 when we went after Saren. There was an attraction between us, and I tried to ignore it. The Alliance takes a very dim view on fraternization between officers, especially on small ships. But then we got grounded, and we actually stole the Normandy to get to Ilos and track down Saren. After that, fraternization didn't seem like such a big deal, especially not when you're thinking this might be your last night alive. We didn't talk about it. Garrus and Tali knew, but they had no reason to inform the Alliance. So Kaidan stayed on the Normandy, and we were discrete, but two months later...that's when we were attacked by the Collector ship."

She glanced at Thane, but his expression was settled firmly into the inscrutable. Well, she had decided to air her dirty laundry. Might as well finish it. "When I woke up and was talking with the Illusive Man, I asked about my old team members. They were all unavailable or missing. I tried to find Kaidan. For me, it had only been a few days. When I found him on Horizon, I discovered the hard way that it had been two years for him, and he had moved on. At least, that's what I thought. Then he tried to talk to me, convince me to get back together. Well, you heard how that ended just now." She turned back around to stare down the Citadel. There was an uncomfortable prickling in her eyes that she refused to acknowledge. "He moved on, and so did I."

"Siha. Shepard. If your heart still belongs to him, do not fear for my feelings. We have sworn no vows to each other. I have no claim on you." His voice was so calm that it seemed a travesty that his words could throw her into such an emotional turmoil. What she felt for Thane now showed her how shallow her feelings for Kaidan had been, and it made her feel simultaneously ashamed at her actions with Kaidan and frightened of her feelings for Thane and what they could mean.

"No! I don't love him. I thought I did, but it was just an attraction. And in the end, I think it was a fatal one." She swallowed hard against the sudden lump in her throat. She had never admitted this out loud to anyone, not even Garrus. "He didn't listen to me at the end, when the Normandy was under attack. He wanted to go with me to the bridge to rescue Joker. I ordered him to oversee the evacuation. Finally, I had to yell at him to go. It cost me seconds." Her fingers clenched the railing in front of her as she forced out the next words. "I only missed getting in the escape pod with Joker by seconds. Five more seconds, and I never would have been spaced. Five seconds arguing with a lover, and it cost me my life."

She brushed her eye angrily, trying both to dislodge the tear there as much as prove it didn't even exist. "I never told this to anyone. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. No way to prove it. But seeing Kaidan tonight brought it all back, everything that I thought I'd put away. It's not that I love him. I don't. Not anymore. But I can't do this to you. I care about you too much already. I'm a mess, Thane. I'm pretty sure I've got some bad psychological issues, and we're on a suicide mission, and you've got a terminal illness, oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that..." She realized she was babbling and shut her mouth with a snap. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and stared down the length of the wards, hoping that Thane wouldn't say anything. Maybe he would get the hint and just walk away from her.

She jumped when he wrapped his arms around her. He had moved so silently she didn't realize he was behind her. He held her gently, as if he was afraid she would startle and run away. "I care about you, as well, siha," he breathed in her ear. "When I look at you, I don't see a mess. I see a warrior with angel wings, shining brightly with the strength of her convictions, strong enough to save worlds. You do not earn that kind of strength by living an ordinary life. The battles you have faced left scars, but you are all the more beautiful for them."

Shepard held onto the railing as if it were the only thing grounding her to reality. She closed her eyes against the tears rising behind her eyelids and tried desperately to maintain control of the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. He continued talking softly into her ear.

"If you truly cannot be with me because of my illness, I will understand. I have no wish to hurt you, siha. But if you hold back because you fear I will be like your Kaidan Alenko, you should look more closely. I have sworn my loyalty to _you_, siha. Not to an Alliance or to an idealistic set of values. If the time comes when you must order me away, even if it were to my death, I would obey. We fight for something greater than either of us."

At his words, she could no longer hold back the sobs. She covered her face with her hands as her shoulders shook and the tears finally spilled from her eyes. "I don't want you to die, Thane," she choked out.

"Neither am I happy at the prospect, and yet, our time comes to each of us and rarely at the time of our choosing. Since I must die, let it be in battle in the service of something great and honorable instead of gasping out my last in a hospital bed. But before that happens, I would spend my remaining days with you. If you wish no more than friendship, that will suffice. You have given me more than I could have ever wished for, siha. Allow me to return a small portion of what you have given me."

Gently, so slowly that she could stop him anytime she wanted, he reached up and tipped her chin to face him. His lips were warm, soft, and undemanding as he pressed them to hers. Chaste though it was, it sent a lightning bolt straight through down to her toes and ignited a fire inside her entire body.

God, she wanted this so much. Thane was offering something she thought she'd never experience again in her life - love, safety, and peace. It might only be momentary, and she knew the Collectors and Reapers were waiting out there, but just for a moment, she wanted to forget. To forget about future horrors, about past mistakes, about command and responsibility, and to focus on this one shining, fragile moment. Without consciously willing it, she relaxed back against him and let herself fall into his kiss. Just for a moment, she promised herself.

The moment went on, and somehow she had turned in his arms so that she was pressed up against him. One of his hands was gently tangled in her hair, exploring the texture that had to be so strange to him. Her own hands slipped underneath his jacket and were tracing circles on his back. She could feel the sculpted muscles through the leather that clung as a second skin to him.

Her mouth parted against his, and her tongue slipped out to taste those perfect lips. He tasted...alien. She might have laughed at her own characterization, but then she was too busy trying to figure out what he reminded her of. Coffee, exotic spices, a hint of sweetness. It was a taste as complex as the assassin himself, and the scent of leather mixed in there as well.

She was quickly becoming lost in him. Thane's arm was a bar of steel against her back pressing her hard against him as they tasted and explored each other. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, and the exotic spice and bitter coffee taste intensified. His tongue was rougher than a human's and stronger, but he went softly, inviting her to join him in this silent dance. She felt a slight hitch in Thane's chest as her tongue caressed the inside of his mouth. When he reciprocated, she moaned softly. That little sound snapped at her and she jerked back, suddenly mortified.

Hadn't she just been telling him that she didn't want to repeat the same mistakes? Oh, but he didn't feel like a mistake, not at all. But it felt wrong to take his affections when she didn't feel the same. Or didn't she? Her thudding heart, sweating hands and trembling legs all pointed to a very definite attraction to the handsome drell in her arms. He made no demands, only offered himself, and the immensity of that offer suddenly frightened her. It was too big, too much for her to bear. Always before in her few liaisons, she had known it was nothing more than a fling, a way to blow off some steam between missions. She was too focused on her career to be distracted by relationships for long. But this feeling in her heart was warning her she was standing next to the edge of a very steep cliff. A relationship with Thane would be no mere fling. He offered her everything, and she was very much afraid what she could offer in return wouldn't be worthy of him.

"Thane, I'm sorry. No, I didn't mean to lead you on. I have to stop. I don't know what I'm doing..." She pushed backward until he let her go. She backed away until there was more than an arm's length between them. "This is dangerous. You're dangerous, Thane," she whispered.

"Not to you. Never to you, siha," he whispered back, but he didn't follow her.

"I need time...space. You don't know what you're getting into, Thane."

"What were all those evenings we spent talking? I know you very well, and I'm not afraid. As you said, my time is short, and I find I do not wish to waste one more precious moment without you. But as I said, I will respect your wishes. If you desire more, you have only to seek me out. I promise you will find me willing."

Shepard's stomach clenched, and it felt like a million butterflies wanted to explode from her insides. The thought of what more she could experience with a willing Thane brought a rush of sudden heat to her face and her groin. "I...I...I have to go back to the Normandy," she finally stuttered. She turned to make her escape. There was nothing else she could call it. She was frightened, not of Thane, but of what he represented: a chance at something deep and scary and maybe, just maybe, wondrous beyond imagining.

She was in a haze the entire time it took to return to the Normandy's docking port, trying to figure out if she was brave enough to take him up on his offer, and what it would mean to her and her command if she did. This was no Alliance ship. Fraternization rules didn't apply, but they had come into being for some very good reasons. She didn't want to repeat her experience with Kaidan, but this didn't feel the same at all. She was in unknown territory, and for once, the great Commander Shepard didn't have a clue as to what she should do. The pros and cons chased each other around in her mind like hamsters on a wheel until she had a headache.

It wasn't until she entered her cabin and saw the gown hanging up ready for the hanar party tomorrow night that she remembered and groaned. She was going to have to spend an entire evening in the company of the same man who had just offered her his heart and his body, and she didn't even know if she had said yes or no when she walked away tonight. She fell on her bed with her arm over her face. "I'm so screwed," she moaned. 

* * *

A/N: Just for fun, I did a personality assessment on Thane and Shepard. You can take a free Meyers-Briggs Test online to see what archetype you are.

Thane ended up being an INTJ - a "mastermind", an analytical problem solver. INTJs have a hunger for knowledge and strive to constantly increase their competence; they are often perfectionists with extremely high standards of performance for themselves and others. They tend to have a keen interest in self-improvement and are lifelong learners, always looking to add to their base of information and awareness. They are typically independent and selective about their relationships, preferring to associate with people who they find intellectually stimulating.

Shepard is an ENFJ - a "teacher." According to one description, ENFJs are idealist organizers, driven to implement their vision of what is best for humanity. They often act as catalysts for human growth because of their ability to see potential in other people and their charisma in persuading others to their ideas. They are focused on values and vision, and are passionate about the possibilities for people.

ENFJs are typically energetic and driven, and often have a lot on their plates. They are tuned into the needs of others and acutely aware of human suffering; however, they also tend to be optimistic and forward-thinking, intuitively seeing opportunity for improvement. The ENFJ is ambitious, but their ambition is not self-serving: rather, they feel personally responsible for making the world a better place. That sounds exactly like my Shepard.

Interestingly, according to one site I researched, INTJs are the least likely to be religious, and ENFJs are among the most likely to believe in a higher power, which is reversed from my characters.


End file.
